Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Colorado Moms Colorado Moms

i feel like a failure as a mom

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:08 PM
  • 11 Replies

im feeling really down today, i had a back history here but its long and drawn out. the short of it is, i went through a very mentally abusive divorce, my kids have suffered mentally as well from what their father has done to them. my son was abused pysically by his father and just the abuse we have all gone through made it to where when the divorce was final in july i moved from grand junction back to denver my home town with my two kids. in the process it has been horrible because my ex owes child support and is looking at jail time, yes im looking for a job have had interviews but nothing yet since i have moved. im living with my boyfriends parents right now and just got my 5 year old into school. today was his first day and the teacher told me that not to worry about school supplies because they share it all in the classroom. but i have no HELP from family members finachally so i cant even get pencils or anything for the place im at. i feel like i made a big mistake by having the kids live with me because i cant provide for them the way they need it. yes my ex has money yes hes paying bills and can provide for them better but with his abuse at hand and stuff they are mentally better off here. 

i feel like i have failed my kids because i cant even provide school supplies for my son. im trying everything i can to keep it together right now but could use some support for you all lovely ladies. anywhere you know of that would have school supplies for kids that are homeless..

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:08 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
wonderouslife84
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:16 PM

BUMP!

littlemascara
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:27 PM
3 moms liked this

Well, first you are NOT a failure.  You did the best, most brave thing ever.  You got yourself and your children away from an abusive man.  More than anything money can buy, you have given them a safe future to grow, dream, play and be kids.  I know that cannot have been easy, and you have taught them that they are more important than anything, that their safety and well being is more important than anything money can buy. 

I'm not trying to suggest that your feeling are invalid.  I can't imagine how hard it is and how overwhelming it must feel at times.  There is help out there.  Are you in Denver county? Contace GIVE Denver, they can help with everything from personal items to clothing, food and yes, school supplies.  They do rely on donations and volunteers, but if they don't have some resources available right now (unlikely), they will be able to refer you to an agency that does. 

Please do not take this as an accusation or deriding, but please also condiser seeking some counseling about what you and your kids have survived.  Abuse is terrible, I know the toll it can take personally.  It weighs on you body and soul.  It takes a strong person to ask for help when they need it, we can't all doing everything alone.  I'm glad you do have support, a safe home, he's in school and clearly has a good teacher.  I helped my friend for a year when she and her kids were homeless and went from shelter to shelter.  I can;t count how many loads I made moving what they had between places, and taking her to places to get things like socks, soap, etc.  Denver rescue Mission helped SO much and OMG they are SUCH kind, caring people.  Anyone can end up in a bad place, there but for the grace of god go I. Right? 

So, give yourself the credit for all you have done already.  You made the right choice, would your kids rather have a new pack of pencils for school or live somewhere where they know they are safe?  I think you know that answer. 

Stay strong mama!

wonderouslife84
by Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

THANK YOU!! its what i have needed to hear all day. i needed support from another mom and you gave it so willingly. you made me cry but it was a cry i needed. im working on getting help, since moving and stuff im getting things worked out, my son is seeing a therapist in school here in commerce city through the school and im glad he has it he NEEDS IT. I NEED IT. im slowly getting to where things are getting normal again. thank you so much for your help. ill see if adams county has something..

Quoting littlemascara:

Well, first you are NOT a failure.  You did the best, most brave thing ever.  You got yourself and your children away from an abusive man.  More than anything money can buy, you have given them a safe future to grow, dream, play and be kids.  I know that cannot have been easy, and you have taught them that they are more important than anything, that their safety and well being is more important than anything money can buy. 

I'm not trying to suggest that your feeling are invalid.  I can't imagine how hard it is and how overwhelming it must feel at times.  There is help out there.  Are you in Denver county? Contace GIVE Denver, they can help with everything from personal items to clothing, food and yes, school supplies.  They do rely on donations and volunteers, but if they don't have some resources available right now (unlikely), they will be able to refer you to an agency that does. 

Please do not take this as an accusation or deriding, but please also condiser seeking some counseling about what you and your kids have survived.  Abuse is terrible, I know the toll it can take personally.  It weighs on you body and soul.  It takes a strong person to ask for help when they need it, we can't all doing everything alone.  I'm glad you do have support, a safe home, he's in school and clearly has a good teacher.  I helped my friend for a year when she and her kids were homeless and went from shelter to shelter.  I can;t count how many loads I made moving what they had between places, and taking her to places to get things like socks, soap, etc.  Denver rescue Mission helped SO much and OMG they are SUCH kind, caring people.  Anyone can end up in a bad place, there but for the grace of god go I. Right? 

So, give yourself the credit for all you have done already.  You made the right choice, would your kids rather have a new pack of pencils for school or live somewhere where they know they are safe?  I think you know that answer. 

Stay strong mama!


littlemascara
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:07 PM

well I am so happy to offer some support online, and I'm so happy to hear you've already started finding support and resources in your community.   I know when I was in a situation of domestic violence, I often just wanted to hide and hope it would just all go away.  Action is hard, and your kids are wonderful motivators. 

I'm not in Adams County, but here is a lin to their resources. http://adcodv.com/wp/

I think you've shown how strong you are, and I have no doubt you'll get through this to the other side where it's easier. 

you rock

Babybear89
by Gracey on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:50 AM

keep your chin up it will all fall nto place soon. 

eema.gray
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:54 AM

The year after leaving an abusive relationship is the hardest part of walking away.  You're at your most vulnerable emotionally, you have the least number of resources, you question yourself the most.  You get through this year, you'll be able to conquer ANYTHING.

What's your work and educational history like?  It could be easier and cheaper to go back to school for retraining in a stable field than to just try to get a job out of the gate.  I assume you know that Colo offers a partial refund for all classes taken, there are state educational grants for full time students, and you can apply through FAFSA for Pell Grants, work study jobs, and federal student loans.  Grants and work study jobs do not have to be paid back, ever.

wonderouslife84
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:21 AM
I tried college it just wasn't me. I did work study didn't like that either
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
eema.gray
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I struggled with college straight out of high school also.  Frankly, I just didn't have that magic "something" to take control of my own education.  I'm in my mid 30's now and working (slowly!) towards what will eventually be a Master's in Accounting.  My first step is an associate of sciences degree in accounting, offered through Penn Foster.  I don't know if you know how PF works but it's a "distance learning" program rather than an on line collage.  That means I don't have to be on line at certain times, I don't have to finish classes in a standard 16 week semester, I can wizz through easy courses in a matter of weeks and take several months on those courses that I need more time to fully master.  My instructors are an email or phone call away, the school offers on line forums for students to discuss topics and support each other.  Even just getting a certificate, like for medical billing, through PF or some other organization can boost your employment options significantly!

Quoting wonderouslife84:

I tried college it just wasn't me. I did work study didn't like that either


"I am only one, but I am still one; I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." ~~ Edward Everett Hale 1822-1909
countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Oct. 5, 2012 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs to you.  While it is tough right now just keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing.  A kid would much rather be poor and in a happy home then abused in a home with money.  Have you applied for PA?  I know tons of people on CM bash PA but this is one of those times where you would be somebody who really would be using it for a leg up and not abusing it.  I would look into WIC, foodstamps, etc and see what you can come up with.  You can also try food banks and such and if you have a church you could talk to them about a little help too.  I know none of that is school supplies persay but if you didn't have to buy some food maybe you would have a little for supplies. Good luck to you.

wonderouslife84
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:10 AM

im on PA just havent signed up for cash assitance yet


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)