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Tough to get boys to talk about feelings! (long)

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  • 4 Replies

K got brought home by the neighbor's older sister because he was throwing pieces of their game into the street and then kicked the game down (the golf ball ladder toss game). When I got him calmed down and listened to his side he told me why - it was because there were a lot of kids wanting a turn and they made him last in line. I said, somebody had to go last. He told me it made him feel left out so he "decided to be a jerk to them" (his words not mine). I asked him if it worked, if they gave him a turn before other kids, and he said no. I showed him that everybody had a bad time because of that decision. I suggested that if he feels left out, he should talk to M because she is a good friend and would understand. Well he can't do that. Every time I suggested he tell her how he felt he got agitated and talked about what he would do next time M wanted to play with him (make her go last, obvs).

So I kinda dropped that line of conversation and focused on what he did and why it was not OK. Eventually we agreed he needed to write M a letter and give it to her. He wrote "M, I am really sorry for kicking your game" and wanted to run right out the door. I asked what about the other stuff he needed to apologize for, and didn't he want to explain why he got upset? He wrote a new note, "M, I am sorry for kicking your game and throwing your balls." "Don't you want to tell her that you felt left out?" "No."

Why can't boys tell their friends how they feel? Is it a boy thing? DH is very expressive and talks about feelings just fine, it's not that they have a 'bad' example. And he talks to me easily. But he'd rather get dragged home in a blaze of glory than say, "you hurt my feelings."

by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:48 PM
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Replies (1-4):
flowerfunleah
by Leah on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:50 AM

It's not just because he's a boy but maybe because of his age? 

sarahjz
by Sarah on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:25 AM

Aw, it's hard to deal with hurt feelings at any age.  I don't really think it's a boy's thing, just an age thing.  Dealing with your emotions is a learned behaviour, you're helping him to learn it, it will just take time.  

Babybear89
by Gracey on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:53 AM
poor kiddo. hopefully he learned from it.and its communication issue not a boy thing. I was raised to not talk about how I feel I didn't learn to talk about anything I was feeling until dh, I just git quiet though no acting out but everyone is different, just try teaching him more that it's okay to tell people how he feels
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mjimaging
by Melissa on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:22 PM
Miikka is pretty good at letting people know if his feelings are hurt.katherine not so much. She, even at thirteen, ran off crying this last weekend.
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