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Is it important to be your child's friend?

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Where do you draw the line between being a friend to your child and being their parent?

girl giving flower

by on Nov. 7, 2012 at 8:41 AM
Replies (11-20):
peaches_04
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 12:28 AM


Quoting VintageWife:





Quoting SlapItHigh:

There's no line for me.  They are two separate things.  I am my child's mother and friend.  Just like I don't have to draw any lines between being my husband's wife and his friend. I'm both.

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sucker4myloves
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 12:29 AM
1 mom liked this

My son is only about to be two, no need for that line yet. I don't think I'll be his favorite friend though, because I am a strict mother and always will be. I don't want my son turning out like the ridiculous children that all the "cool" parents produced. No thanks, I want my kid to be solid.

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Uhura
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 12:36 AM

It depends on the kid, I'm the 3rd oldest out of eight kids. I would consider my mother my friend, but I also knew that she would lay down the law if we got out of hand.

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kailu1835
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:01 AM
4 moms liked this

Be a friend to your child, and you will have a child who does not respect you when you say no.

I am a parent first and foremost.  I am a friend second.  My kids know whose boss, and I am a lot less concerned that they see me as a friend than that they see me as their authority.  When they are grown, and no longer under my authority, THEN I can just be their friend.

tharealty2
by Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:20 AM

I'm a parent.  I love them and they love me,  but I won't be their friend till they are adults, hopefully.

kris182
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:44 AM

im not trying to be my kids friends . they have friends already . but i still have fun with my kids and make sure they know im always here if they need to talk . im strict and want them to do well in school . when they get mad at me i always tell them you dont have to like me !! but you will respect me !! i was young when i had my kids and im younger then alot of their friends moms  so they already think im cool ha ha and my hair is purple ha ha

ymando
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 1:54 AM

 First and foremost I am my children's mother.  My job is to guide them and teach them about life, to provide them the tools for growing into adulthood.  They know that I make and enforce the rules.  They know my expectations and the consequenses of misbehavior.  They know to turn to me when they need comfort and love, encouragement and praise.  I've softened considerably since my divorce and in the challenges of having step-kids, but I am still able to get my point across in my "mom" sort of way.

I am also my children's friend, but not to the extent that others are.  My SS's mom is more a friend-type.  Her rules are much more lax, if enforced at all.  They have a cabinet full of sugary snacks they raid every day after school.  They are allowed to play video or computer games whenever they choose and for however long they want.  She rarely cooks dinner for them, opting for take-out instead.  She lets them eat food in any room of the house, leave dirty dishes, clothes, and toys laying around.  She doesn't bathe them if they don't want their games interrupted.  The way they talk to her is different than me or their father too.  They get away with sassing or yelling at her or telling her how they want things.  With their dad and I, they are much more respectful with their words and tone of voice because they know that we are the ones in charge.

My own children know that I like to have fun with them too though.  We play games, make crafty projects, prepare food together, watch movies/TV, read books, sing songs...normal family fun stuff.  I hope they know they can come to me and talk to me about anything under the sun.  Open communication without judgement is what I am constantly shooting for.  I want them to know they can come to me now and later.

pampire
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:42 AM

You are always the parent. Once they reach adulthood you can take on more of a friend/advisor role.

tattdmom2prncss
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 2:51 AM
2 moms liked this

 my DD is 4 & sometimes she calls me her friend & I will immediately stop her and correct her that I am NOT her friend, I am her mom. I tell her "it's my job to teach you, guide you and no matter what I will always be with you and love you forever and forever. You can come to me for anything and I will do all I can to be there back cuz I'm your mom".... I want her to understand that there is a difference and it's not a bad thing.

Tigress74
by on Nov. 29, 2012 at 3:40 AM
1 mom liked this

I am both..i have two teenage daughters and they know they can come to me for anything...even the bad stuff. And  yes, they do get disciplined when it's something that warrants it. The point is, THEY know there is a line and what is acceptable and what isn't as far as what they are allowed to do or not. They know I am both their mom and their friend so there are no questions on that. So long as we both know that, there are no problems. I have had no 'teenage rebellion' problems with them or anything like that because we TALK. That is a key issue. If they feel they can't talk to you..even if it's silly stuff, then why would they go to you for the big things? Sometimes you have to be available to be their friend..to listen. But the perk of being an adult and parent, you can give life advice too...but you have to have built that trust already. It is a balance. 

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