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Is 50 Shades in your bedroom?

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:00 AM
  • 53 Replies
1 mom liked this

Every time I think about the moms of the world reading  E.L. James' 50 Shades of Gray and the details of Ana and Christian's relationship, it makes Salt 'N Pepper's 1992 hit "Let's Talk About Sex" start playing in my head: Let's talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd, It keeps coming up anyhow, Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic, cuz that ain't gonna stop it, now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows.

And boy, are we talking about it, eh? At the playground or the Friday afterschool playdate, you have covered everything with your mommy friends: pap smears, darkest fears of failing and mega insecurities, your in-laws (the good and the bad), latest fashion trends...and now we are gabbing about fantasies, preferences and positions (yowzers, did I just type that?). Let's all give Andrew a virtual round of applause for sitting at the table with Joanie, his MIL, and talking about bondage, shall we?

Why? Why has this book made such a hullaballoo? Do one Google search, and you can find 183 articles (that's a low estimate) of different theories and opinions. Women read it, get a tad "hot and bothered" (as my grandma would say), and initiate "the sexy time" (as Borat would say) when they haven't done so in quite a while. 

As it was hit on in the video chat, the books are all about fantasy. Just like little kiddos love to pretend, to make up the perfect world to place themselves in, so do we. 50 Shades is like a NSFW (that's "not safe for work") princess story for all of us moms. Christian is a hot, rich guy, who wants to do everything for Ana, he gives her the world, basically. And (spoiler alert), they end up all happily ever after with babies...and he's a changed man. All huge fantasies for ladies. HUGE. 

As sex therapist and relationship expert Ian Kerner pointed out, our female brains have been wired to not really enjoy sex unless all of the other life stressors are shut down -- and fantasy is a big part of allowing that biological element to happen. With sososososo many women stretched to their cores with responsiblities, stress, exhaustion, 50 Shades takes us on that fantasy journey to heat up the sex life again. 

I'm making a huge generalization here, but I doubt many guys are complaining if their wives are reading this and it leads to more "intimate" moments. It's no big surprise for me, really, but what I'm totally intrigued by is how we are breaking down all sorts of barriers of what we discuss and don't with people. What do you think?

Have you read 50 Shades of Gray? Did it help or hurt the romantic area of your marriage? Would you talk about sex with your mother-in-law?

©iStockphoto.com/ blackred

by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
VintageWife
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:18 AM

I haven't read it and won't. I guess I'd talk about sex with my MIL. She's told me things that shouldn't be told about some stuff back in the day with them though.

nngmommy83
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:54 AM
I've read it but our relationship didn't need help in that department lol
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nngmommy83
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 12:55 AM
Oh and no I wouldn't talk sex with my mil lol I'd feel uncomfortable
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peaches_04
by Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 5:49 AM
Havent read it
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SlightlyPerfect
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Yesterday at 12:02 PM
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 7:19 AM

I talk about sex with my MIL all the time!

But this something that intrigues me:

As sex therapist and relationship expert Ian Kerner pointed out, our female brains have been wired to not really enjoy sex unless all of the other life stressors are shut down -- and fantasy is a big part of allowing that biological element to happen.

I get what Kerner is saying, but it's not like someone comes home from a hard day at work and says, "Well that day sucked ass. Let's fuck, honey!" There needs to be a transition there, unless you're banging someone at work! Very few people I know can bang while being simultaneously stressed.

Is there anything scientific to back this up (that women need to have stressors at bay before they engage in sex)? And is there a specific type of stressor as opposed to others that inhibits the feeling and expressing of sexual desire? Any kind of empirical data? I'd like to see imaging of the brain. I'd also like to know why 50 Shades specifically is a catalyst for fantasy and not some other stimulus.

And that whole prince/princess hypothesis? That is fun for kids, but I don't believe it's the same for adults. I'm not buying it.

slightlyperfect

VintageWife
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 8:53 AM
^^^lmbo
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SlapItHigh
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 10:34 AM

I haven't read it and not interested.  Dh and I have never been better in the romance department!  I probably wouldn't talk about sex with my MIL b/c she's not open.  I'll summarize with a story -- 10 years ago I asked for a Bradley birth book for Christmas and she told me afterwards that she didn't get it for me b/c there were "men and women naked from the waist up"....I think she even said they were drawings, lol.

HisSweetheart07
by on Nov. 27, 2012 at 10:44 AM
Haven't read it and I won't. I read romance novels which I like more than straight up erotica. I think having romance is what makes the sex good.
You can have rough bondage sex with anyone but if you don't have that romantic connection to this person, its not going to be as good.

And yes. I talk about sex to my mother in law. She would talk about more before I married dh. Now its only when dirty jokes come up LOL
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natesmom1228
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 9:15 AM

I haven't read it and really have no desire.

mrswillie
by Gold Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 9:22 AM
1 mom liked this
I read it & liked it
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