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Does reading erotica spice up your love life?

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 8:54 AM
  • 61 Replies

Are you one of the 50 million women that have read the novel 50 Shades of Grey? And will you admit it? Sex therapist and relationship counselor Ian Kerner joins the Mad Life for this lively discussion!




Does reading erotica spice up your love life?  Tell us other ways you keep things spicy in the bedroom.

in love


by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 8:54 AM
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SlightlyPerfect
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It's about that time...
Yesterday at 2:13 PM
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:49 AM

I don't read it, but I'll listen to Andrew talk about it!

But seriously, there's some good erotica out there, content that is well-written and easily shared with a partner. I'm for anything that sexually awakens women, but I dislike that it took 50 Shades to do it. But this 50 Shades boom shows us that many women aren't getting what they sexually need. Which isn't a bad thing, because when we recognize the need and what books like 50 gives women, it can be a catalyst for bedroom communication.


slightlyperfect

VintageWife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:53 AM

I don't need to read junk like that. I think people need to spend less time reading it and more time actually doing it. (Seems kinda common sense to me.)

SlightlyPerfect
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It's about that time...
Yesterday at 2:13 PM
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:55 AM

Yeah, but I think the issue is that people who are reading this need two things: (1) to be doing it more, and (2) to escape. There's a reason people are reading this. There is a reason why it's taken off as it has. And I think it speaks volumes of the collective psyche of modern Western women.

Quoting VintageWife:

I don't need to read junk like that. I think people need to spend less time reading it and more time actually doing it. (Seems kinda common sense to me.)


slightlyperfect

VintageWife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 9:56 AM

Whatever, that sex therapist is saying that women fantasize about other guys. Whatever!

VintageWife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:01 AM

"Sex ruts are kind of epidemic and we need to do something about it" -Ian

Yeah buddy, how about people get off the internet and put down the smut books and actually have sex. Again, seems common sense to me, but what do I know. I have a very satisfying sex life, but I'm sure it's because I read about sex instead of having it (yeah right!).

PinkParadox
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:02 AM
Yes.
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VintageWife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:04 AM

A lot of the women I know that are talking about reading it are the same ones that are always going, "My husband is complaining about us never having sex but he'll just have to deal with it. I don't feel like it!"

I seriously have one of those head shaking, eye bulging moments where I'm like "Wait! What?!? He can't want sex with his WIFE but you can read some smut about some dude teaching some chick about bondage and stuff?!?"

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Yeah, but I think the issue is that people who are reading this need two things: (1) to be doing it more, and (2) to escape. There's a reason people are reading this. There is a reason why it's taken off as it has. And I think it speaks volumes of the collective psyche of modern Western women.

Quoting VintageWife:

I don't need to read junk like that. I think people need to spend less time reading it and more time actually doing it. (Seems kinda common sense to me.)


 

SlightlyPerfect
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It's about that time...
Yesterday at 2:13 PM
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:06 AM

That's what I'm talking about. We read what interests us. We read to fulfill a need. What a person chooses to focus on (in this case, to read) says so much about him/her. And I think 50 Shades exposes what a lot of women need/want and aren't getting.

Quoting VintageWife:

A lot of the women I know that are talking about reading it are the same ones that are always going, "My husband is complaining about us never having sex but he'll just have to deal with it. I don't feel like it!"

I seriously have one of those head shaking, eye bulging moments where I'm like "Wait! What?!? He can't want sex with his WIFE but you can read some smut about some dude teaching some chick about bondage and stuff?!?"

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Yeah, but I think the issue is that people who are reading this need two things: (1) to be doing it more, and (2) to escape. There's a reason people are reading this. There is a reason why it's taken off as it has. And I think it speaks volumes of the collective psyche of modern Western women.

Quoting VintageWife:

I don't need to read junk like that. I think people need to spend less time reading it and more time actually doing it. (Seems kinda common sense to me.)


 


slightlyperfect

VintageWife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Do you think women are telling/asking their husband their needs though? I mean if I want something extra sexy or whatever in the bedroom, I tell my husband, "Let's do something extra freaky tonight. Do you have any fantasies?" 

He already knows my limits (no adding other people and no using the restroom on eachother...eww, why does that even have to be said?) and he doesn't suggest any of that. Otherwise, we are good to go and have never had any issues in the bedroom except maybe one person having a higher sex drive for a while. *Shrugs*

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

That's what I'm talking about. We read what interests us. We read to fulfill a need. What a person chooses to focus on (in this case, to read) says so much about him/her. And I think 50 Shades exposes what a lot of women need/want and aren't getting.

Quoting VintageWife:

A lot of the women I know that are talking about reading it are the same ones that are always going, "My husband is complaining about us never having sex but he'll just have to deal with it. I don't feel like it!"

I seriously have one of those head shaking, eye bulging moments where I'm like "Wait! What?!? He can't want sex with his WIFE but you can read some smut about some dude teaching some chick about bondage and stuff?!?"

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Yeah, but I think the issue is that people who are reading this need two things: (1) to be doing it more, and (2) to escape. There's a reason people are reading this. There is a reason why it's taken off as it has. And I think it speaks volumes of the collective psyche of modern Western women.

Quoting VintageWife:

I don't need to read junk like that. I think people need to spend less time reading it and more time actually doing it. (Seems kinda common sense to me.)


 


 

SlightlyPerfect
Report
It's about that time...
Yesterday at 2:13 PM
by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:18 AM

I think the book, like I said, can be a catalyst for a great conversation. It can even be a reference tool. But I know women (especially women on this site) who have come right out and said they don't give themselves orgasms or don't know how, and they really don't talk about sex much (some can't even say the word "vagina"), so the issue runs far deeper than conversation for a lot of people. But conversation is a start, right?

DH and I have an amazing sex life because, like you, I have a high sex drive and just say what I mean when I tell him what I want. A lot of women are not like that, and a lot of men aren't receptive to that type of communication either.

And I'll come right out and say I've been with women, too. It's easier when you're a woman and know what women want. Men are not women (duh), and if in their previous sexual experiences women didn't communicate what they wanted, then I imagine a vagina can be pretty damn intimidating.

But then, the question is flipped on its head, because how can women communicate what they want when they don't know what they want?

Quoting VintageWife:

Do you think women are telling/asking their husband their needs though? I mean if I want something extra sexy or whatever in the bedroom, I tell my husband, "Let's do something extra freaky tonight. Do you have any fantasies?" 

He already knows my limits (no adding other people and no using the restroom on eachother...eww, why does that even have to be said?) and he doesn't suggest any of that. Otherwise, we are good to go and have never had any issues in the bedroom except maybe one person having a higher sex drive for a while. *Shrugs*


slightlyperfect

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