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Does reading erotica spice up your love life?

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Are you one of the 50 million women that have read the novel 50 Shades of Grey? And will you admit it? Sex therapist and relationship counselor Ian Kerner joins the Mad Life for this lively discussion!




Does reading erotica spice up your love life?  Tell us other ways you keep things spicy in the bedroom.

in love


by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 8:54 AM
Replies (11-20):
VintageWife
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:23 AM

Here's something funny...My 60-something year old male OB (just changed to someone else because he was a jerk most of the time) was telling me about orgasms recently when I mentioned that my sex drive has gone waaaaaay up and hubby's is going down. I asked if it could be because of our age difference. He's turning 40 and I'm turning 32 soon. I said I know that people always say this is our "peak" an he said that when those studies were done in the 50's, peak meant orgasm and of course males were reaching theirs at 18 ecause they were going crazy pleasuring themselves but most women didn't start doing that until much later when they'd already been married and had kids and decided if the jerk wasn't going to help her 'get hers' than she was going to do it herself and by then women were in their 30's.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

I think the book, like I said, can be a catalyst for a great conversation. It can even be a reference tool. But I know women (especially women on this site) who have come right out and said they don't give themselves orgasms or don't know how, and they really don't talk about sex much (some can't even say the word "vagina"), so the issue runs far deeper than conversation for a lot of people. But conversation is a start, right?

DH and I have an amazing sex life because, like you, I have a high sex drive and just say what I mean when I tell him what I want. A lot of women are not like that, and a lot of men aren't receptive to that type of communication either.

And I'll come right out and say I've been with women, too. It's easier when you're a woman and know what women want. Men are not women (duh), and if in their previous sexual experiences women didn't communicate what they wanted, then I imagine a vagina can be pretty damn intimidating.

But then, the question is flipped on its head, because how can women communicate what they want when they don't know what they want?

Quoting VintageWife:

Do you think women are telling/asking their husband their needs though? I mean if I want something extra sexy or whatever in the bedroom, I tell my husband, "Let's do something extra freaky tonight. Do you have any fantasies?" 

He already knows my limits (no adding other people and no using the restroom on eachother...eww, why does that even have to be said?) and he doesn't suggest any of that. Otherwise, we are good to go and have never had any issues in the bedroom except maybe one person having a higher sex drive for a while. *Shrugs*

 

 

SlightlyPerfect
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by Bronze Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 10:24 AM

Well, doesn't that explain why we have the libido of a 14-year-old boy!?????!!!

Quoting VintageWife:

Here's something funny...My 60-something year old male OB (just changed to someone else because he was a jerk most of the time) was telling me about orgasms recently when I mentioned that my sex drive has gone waaaaaay up and hubby's is going down. I asked if it could be because of our age difference. He's turning 40 and I'm turning 32 soon. I said I know that people always say this is our "peak" an he said that when those studies were done in the 50's, peak meant orgasm and of course males were reaching theirs at 18 ecause they were going crazy pleasuring themselves but most women didn't start doing that until much later when they'd already been married and had kids and decided if the jerk wasn't going to help her 'get hers' than she was going to do it herself and by then women were in their 30's.


slightlyperfect

SlapItHigh
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

No, I don't read erotica.  My husband and I are into giving of ourselves completely to the other person and this is the way to have the most amazing sex life, not going after selfish desires.  I just can't relate to the deisre to read erotica.

redheadbluesoul
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 3:12 PM
I don't let dh touch me any more, and I do it myself.
tabi_cat1023
by Member on Nov. 26, 2012 at 5:14 PM

Yeah a bit I think, kinda puts me in more of a relationship frame of mind.  I try to read before bed each night and it makes me forget about kiddos and responsibilities and think about me and hubby more.  I dont really read alot of erotica but some of the books I read have some sexual scenes in them.

IMHO 50 shades was poorly written

HisSweetheart07
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 6:40 PM

 I couldn't read 50 Shades of Grey. I was poorly written and repeative.

I'll stick to my romance books.

nngmommy83
by on Nov. 26, 2012 at 7:59 PM
I have read them but our love life didn't need help lol
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peaches_04
by Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 6:07 AM
Interesting

Quoting VintageWife:

Here's something funny...My 60-something year old male OB (just changed to someone else because he was a jerk most of the time) was telling me about orgasms recently when I mentioned that my sex drive has gone waaaaaay up and hubby's is going down. I asked if it could be because of our age difference. He's turning 40 and I'm turning 32 soon. I said I know that people always say this is our "peak" an he said that when those studies were done in the 50's, peak meant orgasm and of course males were reaching theirs at 18 ecause they were going crazy pleasuring themselves but most women didn't start doing that until much later when they'd already been married and had kids and decided if the jerk wasn't going to help her 'get hers' than she was going to do it herself and by then women were in their 30's.


Quoting SlightlyPerfect:


I think the book, like I said, can be a catalyst for a great conversation. It can even be a reference tool. But I know women (especially women on this site) who have come right out and said they don't give themselves orgasms or don't know how, and they really don't talk about sex much (some can't even say the word "vagina"), so the issue runs far deeper than conversation for a lot of people. But conversation is a start, right?


DH and I have an amazing sex life because, like you, I have a high sex drive and just say what I mean when I tell him what I want. A lot of women are not like that, and a lot of men aren't receptive to that type of communication either.


And I'll come right out and say I've been with women, too. It's easier when you're a woman and know what women want. Men are not women (duh), and if in their previous sexual experiences women didn't communicate what they wanted, then I imagine a vagina can be pretty damn intimidating.


But then, the question is flipped on its head, because how can women communicate what they want when they don't know what they want?


Quoting VintageWife:


Do you think women are telling/asking their husband their needs though? I mean if I want something extra sexy or whatever in the bedroom, I tell my husband, "Let's do something extra freaky tonight. Do you have any fantasies?" 


He already knows my limits (no adding other people and no using the restroom on eachother...eww, why does that even have to be said?) and he doesn't suggest any of that. Otherwise, we are good to go and have never had any issues in the bedroom except maybe one person having a higher sex drive for a while. *Shrugs*


 


 

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peaches_04
by Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 6:09 AM
Dh and i have similat taste in reading so we like to read the same smutty series together
Our favorite is the women of the other world series

It doesnt really effect our sex life either way though
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4kidz916
by Member on Nov. 27, 2012 at 11:10 AM

I read the 50 Shades books and loved them for the story.  It ended up being a nice love story IMO.

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