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Are we praising our kids too much?

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We want our kids to know they’re special, but are we continually boosting their confidence so that they won't understand the value of failure? Andrew, Joanie and Chuck share great advice on how you can raise kids who know how to set goals and fight to achieve them.

Are we praising our kids too much?

by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 6:29 PM
2 moms liked this

I think as a general population, yes, we are overpraising our kids.

Praise is important for a child, but false praise just teaches kids that mediocrity (or being subpar) is OK.  That's not good either.

by Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:00 PM
yes. I think we do.

my oldest is 7 and sometimes the things he gets upset about are just silly. he thinks that everything should end in praise or a treat. I admit that its partly my fault but its in the schoolttoo and even in sports.

I am trying to teach him now that its not always rainbows and butterflies.
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by New Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:11 PM
YES!!! My son played football this year and they won their division superbowl and had a completely undefeated season 9-0. They boys all got trophies which was great. However, had they not won the superbowl the coach said no trophies, which I also think was great. Make them earn it!
by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:39 PM

It's all about reality-based self-esteem. Praise merit (like effort), not what they cannot control (like intelligence, looks).

But Andrew brought up a good point about mediocrity, and it reminds me of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead:

Enshrine mediocrity, and the shrines are razed.

And I like what Joan said. We have to teach our kids to lose. It's an important lesson in self-esteem. Our kids today don't have self-esteem, real self-esteem.


by Bronze Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 7:40 PM

Joan, where did you get that necklace!? I want it in silver!


by Member on Dec. 3, 2012 at 10:48 PM

I totally agree.  The praise is important to get their confidence up so failures don't hit them so hard. 

Quoting MistressMinerva:

I think it's very important for a child. But you need to let them fail so they can learn from it as well.

by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 9:12 PM
yes people praise to much. kids get hurt in the long run.
by on Dec. 4, 2012 at 9:17 PM
Yup :)

Quoting Albond86:

In some ways I think yes we are. But I only have a toddler so right now praise is super important. But sometimes letting one fail is a good thing. It's how the real world works!
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by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Depends on the child and the age.
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:22 AM

I think praise is very important. I am not sure you can praise kids enough. There is so much negative in the world, so what is wrong with giving kids something to feel good about.

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