Advertisement
Cafemom and Target Present: Mad Life
Helping today’s parents improve their relationships, feel better about themselves and raise happy, health kids.

Are we praising our kids too much?

Posted by   + Show Post

We want our kids to know they’re special, but are we continually boosting their confidence so that they won't understand the value of failure? Andrew, Joanie and Chuck share great advice on how you can raise kids who know how to set goals and fight to achieve them.



Are we praising our kids too much?

by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Replies (21-30):
chrissysnow22
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:41 AM
Balance is needed in all areas. My 2 year doesn't always do things right but when he does yes we make it a big deal. When he isn't doing something I have him ask for help or tell him to keep trying.
TigerofMu
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:45 AM
Sometimes I think we might be. I think it is important to give kids praise and recognition for things that they've accomplished, but not to make up accomplishments just so they feel good.
goddess99
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 9:50 AM
I don't think so. Interesting.
GwenMB
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:43 AM

I think we can definitely praise too much.  I think praise should be specific - good job doing X - rather than just over the top "you're so awesome! I'm so proud of you!" when they do something.  Saying "I'm proud of you" when they do one specific thing can cause them to think you aren't proud of them when they don't do it.  Potty training is a good example - praise them for peeing in the potty, don't say you're proud of them because they may think you aren't proud of them when they have an accident.

I also think its good to say "tell me about it" when they tell you about something - match their level of excitement.  If they got a 100% on a spelling test, but they usually do so have a 'so what' attitude, then your attitude should match that (just calmly say '"good job" and move on).  If they don't normally get a 100% on spelling tests, so are excited that they did this time, then your response should be more excited, too.  If you say "tell me about it", you can then gauge their excitement level & respond appropriately.

Babujai
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this

 Absolutely!  I don't mind giving credit where credit is do and generally boosting their self-esteem, but kids really need to learn how to lose.

tayanddyl
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 1:36 PM

 I say yes we are!  When kids can receive trophies/medals for being the losing team we are going too far.  I think kids from this generation will struggle with defeat, and will not know how to handle being told no.

Bob192
by Silver Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 2:44 PM

I think as a society we do.  My family has lots of challenges so I think they need lots of praise to help with the negative.  But they know what loosing is and that they are not always going to be first.

Teeshann
by Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 4:23 PM
1 mom liked this

 this. in the real world not everyone gets the job. not everyone gets the promotion. they need to learn how to lose and to lose gracefully.

 

Quoting tayanddyl:

 I say yes we are!  When kids can receive trophies/medals for being the losing team we are going too far.  I think kids from this generation will struggle with defeat, and will not know how to handle being told no.

 

SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:17 PM

I'm not, lol....(I make plenty of other parenting mistakes though!!!)  But yeah, I think Americans over-praise.  Praise and punishments are just opposite ends of the same stick and both have negative consequences.  I aim to avoid them both!

Madelaine
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2012 at 7:22 PM

Yes

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)