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Are we praising our kids too much?

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We want our kids to know they’re special, but are we continually boosting their confidence so that they won't understand the value of failure? Andrew, Joanie and Chuck share great advice on how you can raise kids who know how to set goals and fight to achieve them.

Are we praising our kids too much?

by on Dec. 3, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting bwsmommy:

 I think it depends on the child .. I know my oldest needs the extra praise because most things are hard for him .. even like sitting still long enough to finish a sheet of homewrk .. not to mention trying to catch a ball . Where as my other 2 boys dont need as much praise over small things ..

It definitely can be different for each child!

by Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 3:30 PM

I think you def can. I try not too though. 

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:02 PM

I think it's possible to do that but in our family, I don't think we do.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:16 PM

I think that Every child deserves to hear "great job" "you did it" "keep going this is awesome". It is a parents job to help a child figure out what in life is important and gear them towards that. If you dont tell your child what a great job they are doing, how are they going to know? Do I think a child should be praised over and over for the same deed that they know they have excelled at? no... I say praise them until they make it, then put the bar a bit higher for them. (i.e. we give kids sticker charts for using the potty at 2, but do we do that for them at 6? no. we now give them sitcker charts for chores, homework etc). I think my greatest fear as a mother is my child failing.. not because it would shout "oh lord the kid is a failure" but "oh lord, didnt your mother teach you better"?  sure, you cannot learn without a few bumps and bruises along the way, but isnt it our job as a parent to give them all the tools they will need, so that they are not "failing" but simply making a mistake? I know many parents will call me crazy, but if my child outright fails, then so havent I.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:21 PM

I agree 100%. even though my DD is special needs. i dont treat it any different. 

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:22 PM

I don't agree with everything she said. I agree that I do not like the whole everyone wins things. However one thing that gets me every time and I find this so true. "It takes a thousand atta boys for one negative comment." Which I think of praise as more of "Thank you for cleaning your room." I do give my son praise when he eats a meal. I will say I am guilty of that. When every dinner is a fight to get him to eat one bite of food. It thrills me to death to not have to agrue and listening to crying and whining. So I will say something on those nights.

by Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:39 PM

Yes, in fact I think we do. If you don't ever fail, then how will you know you've succeeded? If you never make a mistake, how will you ever know that what you are doing is right? Or even the best way?  The answer is...You won't.  And that means we are setting our children up for a big fall when they actually do make a mistake or find out that they are not the best at something or they've lost a game and don't know how to lose gracefully. And if we don't start changing this pattern of intellectual process of thinking, our children are going to not strive to be all that they can be in life. They will be satisfied with whatever comes along.  imho :)  

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:41 PM

I agree for the most part.  I think kids need praise but many ppl over do it.   As young kids I did praise my children more as they were learning, but once they are old enough to fully understand working and trying they need to try.   We tell our kids frequently that AS LONG AS YOU TRY we will be proud of you, but they have to try. 

I also think ppl need to stop telling there kids oh-you-are-so-good-at-that, when the person sucks...don't lie to your kid about the things they can and can't do well.  Not everyone has to be good at everything.  I watch shows like American Idol and think, what the heck? You're parents have been telling you for the last 18 yrs that you sing great and now you're here making a fool of yourself on national tv because of that...that isn't doing your kids a favor.  Kids need praise but it needs to be done when there is a true reason for it, not just because.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:50 PM

 Guilty of this. I sometimes think I over praise. I'm working on this and finding better ways to word things.

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 1:05 PM
I think both are pretty equally important, praise that leads to confidence and success / failure that leads to a child or person learning from mistakes and knowing when to let go is also crucial to being humble and etc...
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