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Can Women Have it All? Hear what Andrew, Joanie and Chuck had to say!

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Recently we asked you "Can Women Have it All?"

We wanted to know, if you thought it was possible for women to have it all and if you were striving to have it all.


Relationship expert Andrea Syrash joins the Mad Life panel to discuss this issue.

Do you think women are setting themselves up for failure to in an attempt to have it all?



by on Dec. 12, 2012 at 12:12 PM
Replies (11-20):
inmybizz
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:13 AM

I agree!

Quoting gmadiane:

I think we can have it all but I think having it all is subjective to each person


brownhoney21
by Bronze Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 9:29 AM

 This.

Quoting gmadiane:

I think we can have it all but I think having it all is subjective to each person

 

SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 11:00 AM

Men and women set themselves up for failure.  It is in giving that we receive.

MinnieMoni
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 11:47 AM
How im feeling in this point in my life when u sacrafising everything to have it all it makes it very hard to enjoy it cause ur exhaust drained out and tired but you can have it all with hard work and sacrifice
tanishagreene
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:03 PM

Yes we can and I do. I strive on four hours of sleep. I work from 2am to 8am mon thru saturday at home. my dd is up at 8am I homeschool her for four hours a day. I clean while she naps for three hours. Dinner is ready when dh gets home. We have family time for the rest of the evening. Me and dh have our time late in the evening while dd is in her bed having her down time before she goes to sleep. I sleep from 9pm to 1:30pm get up get ready for work and do it all over again. Saturdays is all day family day and sunday is me and dh day alone. So in a nutshell I have it all. I work, homeschool, cook, clean, have individual time with dd and dh, and on mondays and fridays I have my time while dd goes to her play groups. What more is there for me to have.

louannwilkins
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, having it all means so many things.  I don't think it means the same to everyone.  I do think you can have it all.  I think you might have to juggle things around or even put some things on the back burner for a time but I think as women and moms we tend to do that anyway.

Liyoness
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:08 PM

Not at all.

I think far too many people equate professional success with management roles and high incomes. Where did this idea come from that you can't love your career because you truly love what you do? I work in Human Services - I'm never going to make a lot of money doing it, and I accept that. But with the lower income also comes more flexibility, which means that I can balance my home life with my professional life. I don't have to work 60 hours a week to have a successful career. I just have to be amazing at what I do. I work around school hours - my children aren't missing out on time with me. My husband works 100 hours a week - we make time for each other and my more flexible schedule allows me to make more time for him when he is available. 

We are setting ourselves up for failure by pretending that we can't properly manage our time, or by claiming that a career is less worthwhile because it isn't as highly demanding of our time. But maybe I am able to have both because my life isn't a corporate one - because my passion is in human services, I find it easier to make time for the people in my life, whether I am doing so as a paid support, or as a mother, wife and friend. *Shrug*

Liyoness
by on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:22 PM

I get 12 paid sick days per year (the same as any employee who doesn't have children - do you really think that people without children don't use these days?) and 3 weeks of paid holidays. I also get a long weekend with every stat holiday. Certainly somewhere in all of that I can manage being home with sick kids, school concerts and extra family time.

You're right - things are changing. Things are changing to reflect a more family oriented environment. In fact, this year my country is implementing a Family Day stat holiday in February to close the gap between New Year's and Spring Break/Easter.


Quoting loisl25:

  Like I said, balance. if a woman wants to work and be a mom, she has to decide how much of each she's willing to sacrifice, because your work WILL suffer some. You're going to have to call in sick when your child is sick, you're going to have to ask for the day off when one of your kids has a dance recital, etc... and the ugly truth is, employers know this when they are interviewing prospective employees. Then, your interactions and time with your kids are also going to suffer. There will be times when probably your kids want you to play with them, but you are too tired from work, or dh wants sex, and you are too tired, (though that happens to sahm's too!), or the house gets messer cuz you don't have as much time to clean it, or you get takeout for dinner instead of cooking something healthy and delicious, or you have to miss something your kids don't want you to miss, because they need you at work. As a working mom, you have to decide how much you are willing to sacrifice from each, and which is more important to you. Yes, the husband can take on some of those sacrifices too, so you don't have to give up as much, he can sometimes be the one to rush home from work to pick up the sick kid or whatever, but likely that may negatively impact HIS career path, too.

 The reason men in the past were so able to go full force after their career even though they had a family is because their wife was taking care of the kids and home, and so employers didn't hold it against an applicant if they had kids, nor did it make them less likely to get promoted. Things are changing now.


la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 1:36 PM
1 mom liked this

 Everyone has a different opinion on what having it all means. I have four happy ad healthy children, I stay at home and I'm married to a man who excels as a father, husband and provider. I feel like I have it all.

loisl25
by Member on Dec. 13, 2012 at 2:10 PM

That's so awesome for you. I've never worked anywhere that I had sick days. The places I work, it's a big deal if you're sick. You have to call everyone else you work with who has that day off, then try to convince them to cover you, and IF they agree, they resent it, if you do it often, they grow to hate you, if you can't get anyone to cover your shift, (and often you can't) then the boss is mad at you. If you call in sick more often than they like, you get a rep for being unreliable. With three kids in daycare, the way illnesses spread like wildfire in those places, I'd be missing a LOT of work and probably would not be able to keep a job. Your country? Are you not in America. I have heard some other countries have much more family oriented work places. There are SOME employers in the US who are becoming more progressive where that is concerned, but none in any field I qualify for. Granted, it would help probably if I had finished my degree before having kids. I have tried to finish it since having kids, but especially with me being a single mom for a few of those years, I've had a really hard time juggling school, work AND kids.

Quoting Liyoness:

I get 12 paid sick days per year (the same as any employee who doesn't have children - do you really think that people without children don't use these days?) and 3 weeks of paid holidays. I also get a long weekend with every stat holiday. Certainly somewhere in all of that I can manage being home with sick kids, school concerts and extra family time.

You're right - things are changing. Things are changing to reflect a more family oriented environment. In fact, this year my country is implementing a Family Day stat holiday in February to close the gap between New Year's and Spring Break/Easter.

 

Quoting loisl25:

  Like I said, balance. if a woman wants to work and be a mom, she has to decide how much of each she's willing to sacrifice, because your work WILL suffer some. You're going to have to call in sick when your child is sick, you're going to have to ask for the day off when one of your kids has a dance recital, etc... and the ugly truth is, employers know this when they are interviewing prospective employees. Then, your interactions and time with your kids are also going to suffer. There will be times when probably your kids want you to play with them, but you are too tired from work, or dh wants sex, and you are too tired, (though that happens to sahm's too!), or the house gets messer cuz you don't have as much time to clean it, or you get takeout for dinner instead of cooking something healthy and delicious, or you have to miss something your kids don't want you to miss, because they need you at work. As a working mom, you have to decide how much you are willing to sacrifice from each, and which is more important to you. Yes, the husband can take on some of those sacrifices too, so you don't have to give up as much, he can sometimes be the one to rush home from work to pick up the sick kid or whatever, but likely that may negatively impact HIS career path, too.

 The reason men in the past were so able to go full force after their career even though they had a family is because their wife was taking care of the kids and home, and so employers didn't hold it against an applicant if they had kids, nor did it make them less likely to get promoted. Things are changing now.

 


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