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Ask Joanie: Is Divorce Ever Good for Kids? SWEEPS WINNER ANNOUNCED

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Congratulations to our mom, aneela, for winning the sweepstakes!  

The Mad Life Panel tackles a tough question: Is divorce ever good for kids?

We're thrilled that Mad Life's very own Joanie Robach, will be joining us in the group to answer YOUR questions on this important topic, and to share her personal observations and experiences!

Check out the Mad Life episode below, then ask Joanie your questions.  Joanie will be joining us next week to share her answers!  Every member who submits a question in the replies below will be entered to win a $50 Target gift card!


Thanks for joining us, Joanie!

Click to learn more about Mad Life panelist, Joanie Robach.

Joanie's answers begin HERE


Giveaway rules:

  • The Ask Joanie giveaway starts 1/7/13 at 12pm (ET) and ends 1/20/2013 at midnight (ET) (the "Giveaway Period").
  • Enter by replying to this post with an appropriate comment during the Giveaway Period.
  • Multiple entries are permitted and encouraged, as it increases your chances of winning.
  • One winner will be selected in a random drawing of all eligible entries to receive a $50 gift card to Target.
  • The random drawing shall occur on or about 1/21/13.
  • No Purchase Necessary.
  • Open to US, DC, and PR residents 16 years and older.
  • Void where prohibited. Click here for the rest of the Official Rules.
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (211-220):
NanaPeggy727
by New Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:52 AM

"Good" is a relative term.  If the children are subjected to abuse, verbal or physical or witness their Mother being abused in this matter, I think divorce is a good option.  I grew up in an abusive househould and divorce was not an option due to the times and religion.  My father was an alcholic and had a stressful job as a police officer and took his frustrations out on his family.  He was a good provider and a good man who needed psychological help but didn't get it as such care was not widely used or accepted in 1950's America.  Despite all of this, I loved my Father; I just was very confused as a child as to why he would treat us so poorly.  After his retirement, he calmed down considerably and was a great grandfather to my son and sister's son for a few years until his untimely death at 61 from cancer.  May he rest in peace.

ktp111
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 9:53 AM

divorce can be he most positive thing that can happen to a kid

Lacey1951
by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 10:47 AM

I went through this and it was really hard on us  we needed the help from my soon to be ex and he was trying to do everything he could to be the worst father there ever was , after it all we found out he was a bi-polar with issues and needed meds ,so this was even harder on us later on when we learned it was a sickness and not  a behavior problem he had with us. I was married for 14 hard years  to him and  later on got remarried 3 years later to a wonderfull man and were marrieds 25 years last May ,yes! in my case they were happier and could do more things together instead of being married but living a single life together .They blossemed and were invloved in many more things as my income got better to provide for them .We got closer at times and we needed the bond between us it helped with therapy too we all went for this .Except the ex he didnt need this he said because it was all my fault all the time .

Shlamoof
by New Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 3:09 PM

Divorce was the best thing to ever happen to me and my kids.  Not for one second was it hard on the kids, though I did second guess if I did the right thing for a while because he was a good manipulator and could make one second guess.  My first marriage was one I felt forced into.  The only thing hard on the kids was the fact that he tried to stay involved after the divorce just to bother and threaten us.  6 years later, my oldest is still dealing with the emotional trauma of having him around at all, if we had stayed married, she would not even be recognizable as a child, she would be a shell and who knows how my second oldest would be or any other children.

But I don't believe all divorces are that way.  I feel that way too many marriages are ended over nonsense such as "Eh, it's just not how it used to be" or "She's changed."  I also think a lot of people confuse lust with love and marry flings they have no deep attachment to because they get that pitter patter feeling for a while but then get bored when they have to start doing the mundane stuff like bills and diaper changes.  True love doesn't need pitter patters, true love is a friendship.

My question is: What is the best way to ensure that my children have the best chance at entering a REAL marriage when they grow up and not rush into something they will regret?

utahchicky
by New Member on Jan. 16, 2013 at 8:37 PM

grandparents need help also  how can we them ajust

nana2u10
by New Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:28 AM

 Divorce is never a good thing but in some instances kids are better off with separated parents who still stay active in their kids lives then to live in a disfunctional household

Trisha-g
by New Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:04 PM
Yes. My mother allowed my father to beat us, refer to us as "it" and other demeaning names, do drugs in front of us. I could go on and on. My brother eventually committed suicide bc of his treatment. I'd say a divorce would have been a good choice but some people are too selfish to do what's right for their children.
myloves.050709
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:20 PM



Quoting abra:

I think a big part of the problem (and Chuck mentioned this and Joanie seemed to agree) is that if a couple is actually able to co-parent well after their divorce, then a divorce is unnecessary in the first place. One of the greatest misconceptions about love is that if it doesn't come easily, it isn't true love. I came from a divorced home. My parents had 6 kids and then divorced after 29 years. Personally, I have been married for 8 1/2, and monogamous with my DH for 11 years. The biggest thing marriage has taught me is that a good marriage is work. The more you put into your marriage together, the better your marriage is. Nothing worth having in this world comes easily. I do think a lot of people enter into marriage casually (using divorce as a plan b if the marriage doesn't work out) which is a mistake. You are much less likely to work through a situation if you have one foot out the door. Be serious. Commit to your relationship. Do everything in your power to make your marriage work. True love is willing to work at your relationship.

Divorce is hard on kids no matter how old they are or what the reasons behind it are! Divorce should always be the final defeat after attempting every other avenue to preserve and strengthen the marriage.

Totally agree with you.


APJrzy
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 10:50 PM

After 19 years of an abusive &  loveless marriage, I decided it was time to divorce my husband for the sake of my children.  He was never physically abusive towards the children or me; but abusive in every other form towards me, as well as had over 25 affairs and verbally, psychologically, and emotionally abusive towards the children - it wasn't fair to them!    We have been divorced since 2002, and he has not seen my oldest since 2004 and my youngest since 2006; his choice!  He's selfish and wants to punish me, no thinking at all of the children.  If anything, I never bad mouthed him to them, just continued to them how much he did love them in his own way, just didn't know how to show it. Encouraged them to send cards for all the holidays and his birthday even though he never acknowledged them for the children.  At their ages, 25 and 17, the 17 yr old (son) wants absolutely nothing at all to do with his father and our daughter still yearns and tries her damnest but without much reciprication and still all the lies and deception.   All I can say is continue to love your child(ren), don't bad mouth your ex- and realize that the children will know just who has and is always there for them. 

girlintheflock
by on Jan. 18, 2013 at 9:19 AM

My husband and I are planning on splitting in June.  We share a 5 year old daughter.  She is our world and we both want to spare her any trauma or pain.  She is also very sensitive in general and I'm concerned that that this could possibly really effect her in a negative way.  I was thinking of going to family counceling for all of us in preparation of this. Would this be a good idea or will it just complicate things further? 

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