Advertisement
Cafemom and Target Present: Mad Life
Helping today’s parents improve their relationships, feel better about themselves and raise happy, health kids.

Ask Joanie: Is Divorce Ever Good for Kids? SWEEPS WINNER ANNOUNCED

Posted by   + Show Post

Congratulations to our mom, aneela, for winning the sweepstakes!  

The Mad Life Panel tackles a tough question: Is divorce ever good for kids?

We're thrilled that Mad Life's very own Joanie Robach, will be joining us in the group to answer YOUR questions on this important topic, and to share her personal observations and experiences!

Check out the Mad Life episode below, then ask Joanie your questions.  Joanie will be joining us next week to share her answers!  Every member who submits a question in the replies below will be entered to win a $50 Target gift card!


Thanks for joining us, Joanie!

Click to learn more about Mad Life panelist, Joanie Robach.

Joanie's answers begin HERE


Giveaway rules:

  • The Ask Joanie giveaway starts 1/7/13 at 12pm (ET) and ends 1/20/2013 at midnight (ET) (the "Giveaway Period").
  • Enter by replying to this post with an appropriate comment during the Giveaway Period.
  • Multiple entries are permitted and encouraged, as it increases your chances of winning.
  • One winner will be selected in a random drawing of all eligible entries to receive a $50 gift card to Target.
  • The random drawing shall occur on or about 1/21/13.
  • No Purchase Necessary.
  • Open to US, DC, and PR residents 16 years and older.
  • Void where prohibited. Click here for the rest of the Official Rules.
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Replies (231-240):
roldansync
by New Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:22 AM

In some cases, yes divorce is the best thing for the family unit. My parents were married until my mother passed away the day before their 40th wedding anniversary. My paternal grandparents were married 73 years until my grandmother passed away, my grandfather joining her 7 months later. We believe from a broken heart.

I was married to my children's father and stuck it out through drugs, abuse and infidelity. It came to the point where the children and I were in fear of our life and went into hiding. My circumstances are not the norm but I honestly kept my vow, for better for worse until death do you part. Here is the part where death did part us. My physical body was very much alive but my soul was dead for many years.

After almost 18 years together, leaving was the best for our situation. The boys were ages 6, 12 and 14. Was it all happy happy joy joy when we got out? Absolutely not! It has been many years and the emotional scars run deep. Leaving saved our lives and any regret that I would have was that we did not get out sooner.

MadLife_Joanie
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 1:50 PM

Sure, counseling is a great idea.  I think the real key is finding a therapist who can give both you and your husband the tools to guide your daughter through the transition.  All the best.  J 


Quoting girlintheflock:

My husband and I are planning on splitting in June.  We share a 5 year old daughter.  She is our world and we both want to spare her any trauma or pain.  She is also very sensitive in general and I'm concerned that that this could possibly really effect her in a negative way.  I was thinking of going to family counceling for all of us in preparation of this. Would this be a good idea or will it just complicate things further? 



MadLife_Joanie
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 2:15 PM

Like everyone, grandparents need time to work through their sadness and grief.  

We can certainly help to ease the pain for our grandchildren by reassuring them of our unconditional love.  If possible, invite them for some overnight visits, and shower them with lots of hugs and attention.  Be prepared to listen whenever they want to share their anger, hurt or fears, and refrain from adding any negative comments.   A loving grandparent makes a difficult time much easier to bear.  J


Quoting utahchicky:

grandparents need help also  how can we them ajust



KristenandCaleb
by New Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:33 PM

Personally I think it can be a good thing in certain circumstances. My parents divorced when I was in High School (I am the youngest of four). My mom wanted to wait until we were all old enough to understand what was happening, and why they were getting a divorce. When she finally discussed it with us, my initial thought was "it's about time!" My parents hadn't gotten along for a long time, and I struggle to remember them ever getting along. I wasn't resentful or upset, just thankful to have a household with less arguing. So yes, from personal experience I know it can be a good thing. I do suggest waiting until the child can understand why the divorce is occurring, and what it means.

jenUCLA
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:16 PM

Is divorce ever good for kids?  What a ridiculous question. Of course divorce can be good for kids, if it gets an abusive parent out of the home. (And this comes from someone who thinks spouses should make heroic efforts to honor the "til death do you part" vow.)

Please, CafeMom, no more ridiculous questions like this one.

MadLife_Joanie
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:22 PM

As you already know, there's no sure-fire way to prevent your child from making a mistake - marital or otherwise.  However, raising confident, responsible, self-reliant children who know their true value and self-worth stems from integrity and character gives them a leg up!  The more they value themselves, the more particular they will be in their choice of finding the person with whom they want to share their lives.  J


Quoting Shlamoof:

Divorce was the best thing to ever happen to me and my kids.  Not for one second was it hard on the kids, though I did second guess if I did the right thing for a while because he was a good manipulator and could make one second guess.  My first marriage was one I felt forced into.  The only thing hard on the kids was the fact that he tried to stay involved after the divorce just to bother and threaten us.  6 years later, my oldest is still dealing with the emotional trauma of having him around at all, if we had stayed married, she would not even be recognizable as a child, she would be a shell and who knows how my second oldest would be or any other children.

But I don't believe all divorces are that way.  I feel that way too many marriages are ended over nonsense such as "Eh, it's just not how it used to be" or "She's changed."  I also think a lot of people confuse lust with love and marry flings they have no deep attachment to because they get that pitter patter feeling for a while but then get bored when they have to start doing the mundane stuff like bills and diaper changes.  True love doesn't need pitter patters, true love is a friendship.

My question is: What is the best way to ensure that my children have the best chance at entering a REAL marriage when they grow up and not rush into something they will regret?



aneela
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:26 AM
1 mom liked this

THANK YOU !!!!

louannwilkins
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 4:29 PM
1 mom liked this

congrats!!!!!!     :)

wandep
Report
Feeling excited for the New Year! :)
Friday at 7:03 PM
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:59 PM
Congrats:)
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
AzariahsMother
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 6:59 PM

Nice Job Aneela!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN