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How do you think divorce affects kids?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
  • 51 Replies
1 mom liked this

I'd say there was a time, a few years ago, when it seemed every couple around my husband and me were getting divorced. I grew up knowing many friends with divorced parents. My kiddo knows friends and cousins with divorced parents. I wouldn't wish divorce on any family, but with 50% of marriages ending up splitting up, everyone is more aware of it and there definitely isn't a taboo element anymore...and we've come a long way from the era of "staying together for the kids" method of thinking.

But still, it is tough. This is a biggie, no? Anytime something rocks a kiddo's foundation, shatters what they thought was a sure thing is huge and hefty. But being around an unhealthy relationship or in a home life that is depressive or stress-filled or with constant fighting, as Dr. Markham (love her!) mentions in the video? All of these things are not good for a kid, let alone for the adults.

How does divorce affect kids? I doubt any of us can answer that except from our own experiences and own specific situations. Probably, if it is handled properly and in a whatever healthy way by the adults so that the kids can feel secure during this insecure event, it can become an okay, solidly fine situation. I've seen families -- moms, dads and kids -- better off after a divorce than before it. Does that mean everything is roses and butterflies? Heckadoo, no...there will be tough conversations, hard compromises for sure...and those won't be stopping anytime soon for them. 

I like the good doctor's point about how your kids have to have good relationships with the main adults in their lives...and what we as the parents have to do (or not do) to achieve that. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Many a divorced parent I talk to says splitting up with her spouse comes with other problems and issues, yet, still, in the end, divorce was the best choice for their family.

What are your thoughts? Are you divorced? Do you know families that have gone through divorce? How did it affect the kids?

Š BrianAJackson

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:07 AM

Divorce isn't easy for anyone but in certain cases I think it may be better for the kids when the parents are apart and not fighting all the time.  It's important in the case of a divorce for the adults to be civil to each other and get along in front of the kids. 

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:34 AM

yes it does but i think if the parents really work together to partner up on parenting etc it doesnt have to be so bad for the kids 

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:54 AM

I am not divorced, but my mom is.  Parents need to talk to kids and explain things in terms they can understand. Divorce affects everyone.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:55 AM
I'm sure it does. I know families that have gone through it, but I've never been around as it happened. Of the ones I've known of it was for the best.
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by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:55 AM

I think it depends on the reason for the divorce and the age of the kids.

by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:14 AM

We are not married, but have been together for 14 years, and have 3 children, if we split up, it would be like a divorce... I have known a few people to divorce and it wasnt bad on anyone, their kids were small or didnt have any yet. I have an ex friend who is still not divorced and that should have happend a long time ago, the entire relationship was bad on their kids. the split was bad at 1st but now they are with their father and doing much better.

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 9:25 AM

I think it affects every kid in someway. It has to be hard  to see  your parents not living  under the same roof or seeing them together as a couple  like they once were. 

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:47 AM

My parents divorced in the 50's when divorce was unheard of. I was mainly ashamed, but it actually made me resolve to never divorce. Unfortunately, I married too young the first time, to an alcoholic, and wound up divorced with 3 kids. But I got it right the second time around, been married almost 39 years. I think today it is so common, it actually is not as traumatic, if the parents can be grown ups and handle the situation properly. There will still be the feelings that it is somehow my fault, and kids need to be constantly reassured that it had nothing to do with them, and that both parents still love them very much.

by Gold Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:01 AM

I'm sure it has a big effect on the kids and everyone.  My cousins parents went through a divorce and it was sure tough on them.  But sometimes it may be better than the fighting before a divorce.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2013 at 12:12 PM

I am not divorced but know people who are or are going through one. It is very tough on thekids especially when one parent is a dead beat dad (only sees his kids when they call him continously begging to see him, pays no child support) and then another lady I know uses her kids to get back at her ex (talks negative to her kids about their dad and tells them lies the judge DID NOT say).  Parents should realize what a negative impact it is on kids both mentally and emotionally. :(

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