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Do you argue in front of your kids?

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Sometimes, my husband and I argue. We have disagreements (usually about the garbage or refilling the Brita or what is on TV)...and these oft times happen in front of our kiddo. Is that bad? I don't necessarily think so... because we purposely "fight fair." It is something we set out at the beginning of our marriage. Meaning no screaming, no hitting, no name-calling, staying on the topic at hand, apologizing when you've hurt someone else's feelings, that kind of thing.

Now, do our voices become raised and take on a different tone? Sure. We usually end up laughing, but we make sure to tell Kiddo, "Hey, we are having a disagreement on XYZ." We go on and say that we love each other and are happy with each other...but even with someone you love, you can disagree at times.

I'm told over and over that we are the main models for our kids when it comes to eating and manners. So I like to think that this teaches her how relationships work, how to safely and honestly express feelings and opinions in a respectful way with someone you love. That is a valuable skill to learn right? We all know there will be time you may disagree with a friend, a loved one, a family member. That it happens sometimes in relationships. And that is okay...when done in a healthy way. And she will, hopefully, be able to know if someone doesn't treat her respectfully, that that isn't okay or a good relationship.

At least that is my hope. Dang, it is hard, isn't it? Navigating this whole element of your relationship and how it impacts your kids.

Do you argue in front of your kids? How has your relationship with your spouse changed since having kids? 

©iStockphoto.com/ timsa

by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Replies (41-50):
Trixi.VonLace
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 12:29 AM
:) thank you


My great grandparents raised me and NEVER argued in front of me, not even small nonsense arguments. I had this skewed view of what marriage was supposed to be which made our first few years of marriage very difficult, more than it should have been. I refused to do that to my kids.


Quoting Wish2Be:


Quoting Trixi.VonLace:

We do, not important arguments but little disagreements. I think its a good thing for them to see, it teaches them that disagreements happen and how you handle them is important and that marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows, that it takes work and compromise.

You are exactly right !

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
elasmimi
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 7:16 AM

After 40 years together, we don't argue much, and when we do, it's not enough to upset a child, lol.

MichelleK41
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 7:41 AM

I feel we're all guilty as parents in doing this some time or another. What I try to do is catch myself and even just walk out of the room if it seems an argument may happen. Its usually over something silly too and doesn't last long.

GwenMB
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 7:56 AM

You were raised by your great grandparents? Wow, I've heard of grandparents raising lots of kids, I don't think I've ever heard of great grands doing so. They must have been youthful great grands. I wonder if their age & length of marriage had anything to do w why they didn't argue.

Quoting Trixi.VonLace:

:) thank you


My great grandparents raised me and NEVER argued in front of me, not even small nonsense arguments. I had this skewed view of what marriage was supposed to be which made our first few years of marriage very difficult, more than it should have been. I refused to do that to my kids.


Quoting Wish2Be:


Quoting Trixi.VonLace:

We do, not important arguments but little disagreements. I think its a good thing for them to see, it teaches them that disagreements happen and how you handle them is important and that marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows, that it takes work and compromise.

You are exactly right !


froggynow3
by New Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:08 AM

I have always tried to keep serious arguments away from my kids. Now it seems they knew all along. We are getting divorced and the kids have been dealing with the repercussions of that. Im trying so hard to make this as easy as possible for them

momofsixangels
by Gold Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:25 AM

We have and my 11 yr old dd cried.Made me feel horrible

kellynh
by Bronze Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 8:47 AM

NO!!! Kids should not hear arguing!! It's okay to disagree, as long as there is no raised voices or sarcasm... But no arguing!!

Trixi.VonLace
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:27 AM
They were on the younger side, I was 18 months old when they officially took custody but had me from 3 months. I was 13 when my grandad passes at 78, and 17 when my gram passed at 78.


I later found out they did argue but never infront of me lol, they would wait till I was in bed and then go to the garage LOL. My dads mom told me that after I was married. Because of what a mess my bio parents were they were trying to make everything they had control over seem perfect.


Quoting GwenMB:

You were raised by your great grandparents? Wow, I've heard of grandparents raising lots of kids, I don't think I've ever heard of great grands doing so. They must have been youthful great grands. I wonder if their age & length of marriage had anything to do w why they didn't argue.

Quoting Trixi.VonLace:

:) thank you





My great grandparents raised me and NEVER argued in front of me, not even small nonsense arguments. I had this skewed view of what marriage was supposed to be which made our first few years of marriage very difficult, more than it should have been. I refused to do that to my kids.




Quoting Wish2Be:


Quoting Trixi.VonLace:

We do, not important arguments but little disagreements. I think its a good thing for them to see, it teaches them that disagreements happen and how you handle them is important and that marriage isn't always sunshine and rainbows, that it takes work and compromise.

You are exactly right !


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
chrissysnow22
by on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:42 AM
No. Dh had issues with that. His parents would fight in from of him. I would never.
Sisteract
by Silver Member on Jan. 10, 2013 at 9:53 AM
Not often
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