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What would you do need some advice somewhere to turn to..

I don't even know where to begin some days.

We get up at 4:30 AM to leave for work by 5:30 PM.

We both have to be to work at 6 but I get off at 1:30. (We live 15 miles from town so driving home at the cost of gas and I already put a ton of miles on my car weekly is out.)

Anyway our daughter gets out of school at 3:15 which isn't a problem well sort of it's cold out and I really would like to just come home but that can't happen as stated above.

Where in lies the problem of 3 days a week my dad does dialysis. He gets out anywhere from 2- now I hear starting Monday it will be after 4 and probably closer to 4:30.

Now, I don't know how I became care giver for our dad. I have a brother that lives at home getting married in April he's 37, he works also, he's the baby I am the oldest. We have another brother that lives too far away and a sister that has MS so no help with those 2 at all.

So how do I just stop going to get my dad and make sure he is ok and get him home. To get him home I have to go to the end of town I live on yet I still live 8 miles from there and follow my dad home which is on the other side of town another 8 miles the other direction.

I am tired and I just want to know if it's bad of me not to want to do this 3 days a week. Why or how did I become solely responsible for my dad's medical yet my brother gets his name on everything my dad owns. He can write checks on my dad's account his name is on the house, & the cars, insurance etc yet I feel like I am doing all the work for my dad and I clean for my dad also when I take him home.My dad is also getting a settlement from breaking his knee and he's putting that into my brothers name only. That made me really mad.

I also need to say he is by his self all the time unless he is at dialysis where he is around people.I am sure just sitting and watching TV day after day gets pretty boring. He is crazy about my 11 yr old and he wants to see her.

How do I get out of doing this 3 days a week. I don't want to come home at 5 at night if I wanted to do that I would have a 8-5 job.

Help I need answers.

by on Jan. 16, 2013 at 5:49 PM
Replies (11-20):
Moms_Angels1960
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:04 AM


Quoting Wish2Be:

Isnt there a free community bus for seniors that help them get to doctors appointments and such?

There is the only problem they won't come into his yard to get him they will only pick him up at the road and he can't push his walker to the road he can hardly push it around in the house.He's got a long drive way. I have thought of that one already.

Moms_Angels1960
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:08 AM


Quoting Heather2001:

I know it's a burden, but I personally feel a responsibility toward my parents to take care of them in situations like this.  HOWEVER, it's completely wrong that your brother gets all the benefits while you do all the work.  It's money out of your pocket, time out of your day, your dad should want to make sure you are at least treated fairly since you are doing it all for him.  Does he know you feel the way you do?

I know where you are coming from. That's why it's hard for me to give it up yet why should I be the only one out of 4 kids that still has a kid at home doing everything yet my brother benefits in everything.He does know I feel this way yet he still continues to do so. My dh says what hold does my brother have on my dad that he gets it all. I told my dad with my brother getting married soon that if he should divorce his new wife would get what I am entitled to since his name is on everything I don't feel that is right.

My brother also goes out  & bowls, golfs, runs to football games lots of stuff while here I am taking care of my dad.

Moms_Angels1960
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 6:12 AM


Quoting Molly2u:

Your dad would do what you are doing for him. What you are doing is also teaching your child about caring when you becomes your Dad's age. I think you should speak to your father about him leaving every thing to your brother is hurting your feelings. If you can't speak to him give him a letting him know how much you love.Maybe the county health care can help. Please speak to the hospital there are groups and volunteers that can help you. I use to go to a nursing home once a week to help out. My daughter has helped with the elderly. 

Good luck. 

I know my dad would do that now for me when I was a kid nope he wouldn't he didn't show love to any of us at all. He was an abuser back then. I have since talked to him about that also.

I have talked to him about leaving everything to my brother we can't figure out why he is doing it.

I think what most people don't understand is that that makes at least 12 hour days for me those days and I am tired from working all day long then I still have my family to take care of making me be bitchy how fair is that to my family?

Molly2u
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 8:16 AM


What you are doing is it because you are obliged to or because you love him? Some people make mistakes when we were younger. Could your father be one of those people? You sound like a good person and a good daughter, thats all to it. Your children are seeing this. Speak to the hospital and find help before you crumble. Write a letter about how you feel. Don't Accuse him .... No one like to be accused. Tell him why you feel hurt. Have him explain. My mother has done the same with my two siblings. She has given all her money to them. She is now 90 and has nothing to give. I am no longer resent her. I feel sorry for her. I think she did what she did thinking I was the matured child, the child who could fend for herself. I think I did this with my first born not realizing for years this was to hurt her down the road. She played mummy as a kid. We all thought it was cute and she would grow out of it. Our first born daughter resents us untill today this saddens both of us : ( 

Don't resent your father. He won't be around long. You are hurt and I don't blame you. Please talk to the hospital. They can find you a volunteer. My daughters and I done this for years. My daughter who has two small kids brings the patient to her home until they are on there feet and can go home alone. She does it out of love. 

Do take care of your self there is only one you. 

Wish2Be
by Silver Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 1:14 PM

Maybe he can get qualified for a scooter with his insurance !

Quoting Moms_Angels1960:


Quoting Wish2Be:

Isnt there a free community bus for seniors that help them get to doctors appointments and such?

There is the only problem they won't come into his yard to get him they will only pick him up at the road and he can't push his walker to the road he can hardly push it around in the house.He's got a long drive way. I have thought of that one already.


CafeMom Tickers
Moms_Angels1960
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 3:52 PM

I love my dad it has taken many yrs & long talks with him but I still feel obligated to take care of him but.I don't resent him at all if anything I am resenting my brother for not doing his part & living there rent free and not  helping take care of our dad.
After much talking to lots of people
today I am going to see if the aging place can help out.
Thanks for all the help.


Quoting Molly2u:


What you are doing is it because you are obliged to or because you love him? Some people make mistakes when we were younger. Could your father be one of those people? You sound like a good person and a good daughter, thats all to it. Your children are seeing this. Speak to the hospital and find help before you crumble. Write a letter about how you feel. Don't Accuse him .... No one like to be accused. Tell him why you feel hurt. Have him explain. My mother has done the same with my two siblings. She has given all her money to them. She is now 90 and has nothing to give. I am no longer resent her. I feel sorry for her. I think she did what she did thinking I was the matured child, the child who could fend for herself. I think I did this with my first born not realizing for years this was to hurt her down the road. She played mummy as a kid. We all thought it was cute and she would grow out of it. Our first born daughter resents us untill today this saddens both of us : ( 

Don't resent your father. He won't be around long. You are hurt and I don't blame you. Please talk to the hospital. They can find you a volunteer. My daughters and I done this for years. My daughter who has two small kids brings the patient to her home until they are on there feet and can go home alone. She does it out of love. 

Do take care of your self there is only one you. 

Trisha-g
by New Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:27 PM
He should use his settlement to pay for a professional helper instead of giving it to your brother.
Moms_Angels1960
by Bronze Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 5:29 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Trisha-g:

He should use his settlement to pay for a professional helper instead of giving it to your brother.

I agree with that statement. Thanks!

Molly2u
by on Jan. 17, 2013 at 7:09 PM
1 mom liked this



 Please take care of your self. 

momofsixangels
by Gold Member on Jan. 17, 2013 at 9:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I would just be honest and tell him he needs to ask your siblings to help out

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