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Do You and Your Partner Fight Fair?

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There are two layers to every fight you have with your partner: the subject and the emotion underneath it. Sex and Relationship Expert Ian Kerner is here to help you understand how you fight AND how your partner fights.

 

Do you and your partner fight fair?

by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:48 AM
Replies (31-40):
lalasmama2007
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:15 AM

We try to...

chattycassie
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:20 AM

 No, fighting is NOT fair by definition.

GwenMB
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:54 PM

Yes, we fight fair.  I just couldn't fight unfairly with my DH - he is too wonderful a man to deserve that.

countrygirlkat
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:53 PM
That is great that he is so patient and that you recognize what you are doing wrong and work on it.
Quoting AimSnapHolz:

We try not to let things get to the point where we are actually arguing or fighting about something. We really work to communicate before it goes that far.

When it does, I don't usually fight fair. It's something I'm working on... I grew up in a household where you had to scream to be heard, and if that didn't work, you slapped someone upside the head. I have not had many healthy relationships, and that makes it worse. I am learning to keep my temper in check, to listen to the other side, and to take my own feelings out of the equation long enough to really see his side of things instead of just insisting things go my way. It's really hard for me, but I'm trying very hard and I'm lucky enough to have a partner who will patiently (and tactfully) remind me when I'm acting like a jerk.

natesmom1228
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:06 PM

We really don't fight that much to worry about it.

RobynS
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:23 PM

I've worked very hard the last few years to learn to fight "fair." But we don't fight much. I actually wish we did, because at least then we'd be communicating. :/

RobynS
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Same here!

Quoting LindaClement:

I'm NOT competitive. I hate competition, and I always have.



LindaClement
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:26 PM

Years later (and yet years and years ago), I ran into Alfie Kohn's 'No Contest: the case against competition' and was both relieved and changed by it...

It's a wonderful work, if you can find it, and the scientific proof is well-footnoted in it.

Quoting RobynS:

Same here!

Quoting LindaClement:

I'm NOT competitive. I hate competition, and I always have.



RobynS
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks! I'm jotting that down. :)

Quoting LindaClement:

Years later (and yet years and years ago), I ran into Alfie Kohn's 'No Contest: the case against competition' and was both relieved and changed by it...

It's a wonderful work, if you can find it, and the scientific proof is well-footnoted in it.

Quoting RobynS:

Same here!

Quoting LindaClement:

I'm NOT competitive. I hate competition, and I always have.





dusky_rose
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:48 PM

To be honest, I don't think that we do. I think that we need to go to counseling, but we have yet to do so.


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