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Fighting...can you do it better?

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
  • 53 Replies

Let's put it out there: no one likes fighting. Not with their parents, not with their kids and definitely not with their spouse. No one thinks, "You know, I really really hope I get into an argument with my spouse tonight - that would be just awesome!" Really, no one does. But, fights happen. And some may take issue with the word "fight" - so let's include disagreements and "heated discussions." All are under that umbrella, but for sake of typing, I'm going to use the word fight.

But some folks fight in a productive way and others, well, don't necessarily fight in a way to achieve a resolution. Slamming doors. Name-calling. Blaming. All of the above...yeah, you guessed it, not "good fighting." What is "good fighting"? Listening, hearing, using a statement delivery so the other person hears you (like instead of "You always do XYZ!", use "When you do XYZ, it makes me feel frustrated!")

More often that not, an argument brings up huge emotions, and they can take on a life of their own, but to really fight in a good way, well, we've got to be smart about it -- no matter how upset we are, which, believe me, I know how hard that is to do. Remember, sometimes, the fighting and how you both fight can make the whole situation worse than it needs to be just because you aren't fighting, arguing, disagreeing in a "good" way.

Are you and your spouse "good" fighters or do you need some work on those disagreement skills? 

©iStockphoto.com/ Marek Uliasz 

by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sara_7106
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:06 AM
I'm sure I could use some work. I try to use those tips but if I'm really angry it's hard to not let my temper get the best of me.
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pittymama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:06 AM

same

Quoting sara_7106:

I'm sure I could use some work. I try to use those tips but if I'm really angry it's hard to not let my temper get the best of me.


LindaClement
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:19 AM

We are now.

28 years into it.

We all had some growing up and learning to do... 

chrissydan
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:33 AM
Lets say we have gotten better after almost 9 years and lots of work it gets easier
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goddess99
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:22 PM

We don't fight and very rarely do we disagree. Thankfully!

Janet
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:45 PM
We need to work on it.
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dusky_rose
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:35 PM

I think that we need to work on it. I have suggested marriage counseling to him and he said that it was something that he would consider. Sometimes our communication skills are lacking.


.Angelica.
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:38 PM

i tend to let go of things quickly since they usually are not a very big deal.

othermom
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:19 PM

We are usually pretty good when it come s to arguing. We honsestly don't argue a lot. There have only been a few that have been very bad.

la_bella_vita
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:33 PM

 We both have tempers but we have come a long way. We step away and wait until we are both calm so we can discuss matters and solve things.

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