Let's put it out there: no one likes fighting. Not with their parents, not with their kids and definitely not with their spouse. No one thinks, "You know, I really really hope I get into an argument with my spouse tonight - that would be just awesome!" Really, no one does. But, fights happen. And some may take issue with the word "fight" - so let's include disagreements and "heated discussions." All are under that umbrella, but for sake of typing, I'm going to use the word fight.
But some folks fight in a productive way and others, well, don't necessarily fight in a way to achieve a resolution. Slamming doors. Name-calling. Blaming. All of the above...yeah, you guessed it, not "good fighting." What is "good fighting"? Listening, hearing, using a statement delivery so the other person hears you (like instead of "You always do XYZ!", use "When you do XYZ, it makes me feel frustrated!")
More often that not, an argument brings up huge emotions, and they can take on a life of their own, but to really fight in a good way, well, we've got to be smart about it -- no matter how upset we are, which, believe me, I know how hard that is to do. Remember, sometimes, the fighting and how you both fight can make the whole situation worse than it needs to be just because you aren't fighting, arguing, disagreeing in a "good" way.
Are you and your spouse "good" fighters or do you need some work on those disagreement skills?
©iStockphoto.com/ Marek Uliasz