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Why Can’t You Just Say You’re Sorry?

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:27 PM
  • 60 Replies
1 mom liked this

We all hate saying it – mostly because we don’t want to admit we can be wrong! – but we DO know that saying “I’m sorry,” and MEANING it, is one of the best ways to heal a relationship. 

Check out what Andrew, Chuck and Joanie have to say. 

 

Why Can’t You Just Say You’re Sorry?

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Rushn311
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:06 PM

I say if I truly believe I am sorry.

LindaClement
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Apologies annoy me.

Not giving them, but getting them.

After a lot of thinking about why this is, I suddenly realized --in the middle of a disasterous attempt by a cellphone carrier's customer service rep to make me not mind the level of customer abuse their company thinks is 'fine'-- that there's a good reason to dislike them:

It's about the perpetrator, not the victim.

The customer service woman says to me, 'I'm so sorry about that...' and I thought (and then said, 'cause I'm like that), 'I don't care how you feel, why are we talking about how YOU feel?!?'

I don't want to know how someone who hurt me feels. I don't care. I'm not their therapist, and I don't want to talk about it. It's just a way of diverting away from the reality of the issue:

They did something that hurt someone else. They need to stop doing it, and if feeling terrible about it helps them stop or provokes them to compensate for it or fix it, well, good.

natesmom1228
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM

I don't have a problem saying it.

LindaClement
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:16 PM

These days, I'm far more likely to empathize with the person I hurt, including how painful it is, or how angry or betrayed they feel, without adding anything about how I feel.

abra
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:18 PM
1 mom liked this

This is exactly why we teach our kids to ask for forgiveness instead of saying they are sorry. We don't care whether they are sorry or not, they need to acknowledge that they were wrong and they need to make it right regardless of how they feel. 

Quoting LindaClement:

Apologies annoy me.

Not giving them, but getting them.

After a lot of thinking about why this is, I suddenly realized --in the middle of a disasterous attempt by a cellphone carrier's customer service rep to make me not mind the level of customer abuse their company thinks is 'fine'-- that there's a good reason to dislike them:

It's about the perpetrator, not the victim.

The customer service woman says to me, 'I'm so sorry about that...' and I thought (and then said, 'cause I'm like that), 'I don't care how you feel, why are we talking about how YOU feel?!?'

I don't want to know how someone who hurt me feels. I don't care. I'm not their therapist, and I don't want to talk about it. It's just a way of diverting away from the reality of the issue:

They did something that hurt someone else. They need to stop doing it, and if feeling terrible about it helps them stop or provokes them to compensate for it or fix it, well, good.


"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed." - GK Chesterton 

SarahSuzyQ
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:32 PM

I do say I'm sorry, even to my son, and admit when I am wrong. Otherwise it's hard for anyone to move on.

countrygirlkat
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:50 PM
I am actually really good at saying sorry when I think I am in the wrong. Sometimes it takes me awhile to see I am wrong though.
goddess99
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:21 PM
I say I'm sorry if I honestly did something wrong.
louannwilkins
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:39 PM

I can apologize.  I have no problems doing that.  I have a problem with people who don't do it.  And mean it.  None of us are perfect and we all screw up.  We're human.  lol  So...if we do someone wrong....we should own it and apologize and hopefully move on.  I don't hold grudges either.    :)

la_bella_vita
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:03 PM

 I can apologize if I honestly feel I did wrong

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