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Who Comes First, Your Spouse or Your Kids?

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A lot of moms say "the kids come first." But Ericka Souter, Editor of The Stir, is here to help us figure out how we can balance our priorities to leave time for Mom and Dad too.  

Who Comes First, Your Spouse or Your Kids?

by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 12:08 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:29 AM

Actually, it was always me.

In the 'airplane disaster' model of making priorities, if I didn't have any oxygen I certainly would be of no use to any of my family...

When I take care of myself first, I have the ability to take care of anyone else.

by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I always assumed that dh was an adult ... he could wait in a way that they could not understand, particularly when they were very young.

I also noticed that the dichotomy of 'which is first, him/her or them' was artificial. 

What kind of immediate physical need is another adult going to need that will NEED to come before a child's need? Are they really going to be in conflict that often?

If you believe that it is not possible to have an intimate, adult relationship if any other human being (that you're related to, somehow waiters, other theatre-goers, coffee shop denizens don't 'count') in the room, you're going to ... well, go nuts.

When the kids are being bathed, you can be in the same room talking about your day. When dinner's being made, everyone can be in the kitchen, dealing with the work and the peoples' need for connection and interaction...

When life is artificially compartmentalized, it may appear that there are ranks in 'who gets my free time/energy first' ... but 'all the people who live in the house, including me' isn't a collection of separate chores.

by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 12:57 PM

 My husband. My child will one day move out on her own and DH and I will be left along together. Its important to nurture that relatonship.

by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 1:28 PM

I know that DH and I should put each other first, but we don't. We're grown so far apart--the kids are the only thing we have in common any more. :(

by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 1:32 PM

Assuming your husband is your kids' father, your husband should come first in my opinion!

A strong  healthy marriage benefits kids. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:17 PM

 When my girls were babies, their needs came first, but I always made time for my husband at the end of the day. Now that they're older and more self sufficient, I've switched to putting my husband first.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 2:55 PM
My kida are my priority. My dh can take care of himself and my kids are still young. My priorities may change once they are all grown and move out but for now that's the way it is. I would expect my dh to put the kids first as well.
by Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 3:53 PM

My kids and I'm sure my husband would say the same thing. 

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 4:42 PM

I think the 2 can be balanced :). I think I do a pretty decent job at it. Our boys have me all day long & after we put the boys to bed we spend as much time together as we can before we go to bed :).

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 4:42 PM

Very good answer :)!

Quoting Hottmomma607:

There isn't t anything that happens in my life that I need to choose my children or my husband! My kids have their basic needs day to day,that's a given! We also focus on our marriage we believe in a strong,healthy foundation that keeps our family together! And if there is time were we need to take time for our marriage,kids don't suffer from it! They enjoy mom&dad 'dating'! :-)

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