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Do you and your SO share the household duties evenly?

Posted by on May. 13, 2013 at 9:21 AM
  • 28 Replies

Dividing Childcare Evenly: How My Wife & I Manage It

posted by Bob Meadows

Xavier in bathtubIt’s 3 a.m. My son’s arms are wrapped around my neck. He's sick and I’m covered in a fine mist of everything he’s expelling from his nose and mouth. One word comes to mind: Lucky.

A lot of dads would disagree. They push babies and their care off on mom. But when it comes to rearing our son, my wife and I divide childcare right down the middle. He’s adopted, so I could never use breastfeeding as an excuse to avoid middle-of-the-night meals. In truth, I didn’t want to. I waited my whole life for him. Why miss a minute?

My son joined us when he was 4 days old. In our first few weeks with him, my wife and I jumped up together whenever he made a sound. Since I had changed one diaper in my life, and she hadn’t changed any since her teens, we tag-teamed that too, each of us holding a leg!

But after a month or so, we began alternating the wail watch, and from there evolved our routine. One of us dresses him for bed and puts him down at 7 p.m., and is on call until midnight. The other person takes over from midnight through the 7 a.m. morning ritual. You dress him, hand him his first bottle and make his breakfast an hour later. For the rest of the day, we share diapering, cleaning and feeding.

Not every task is evenly split, and it's probably not surprising that I do more of the playing with while my wife does almost all of the clothes and toy shopping. It works for us.

The overnight shift, naturally, can still be wearying even after he began sleeping through the night at four months. But it’s also a blessing. I sometimes hope our son will awaken just so I can be with him. I feel a connection with him then that is unlike the daylight hours. In the groggy silent night, when he is curled on my lap, another word comes to mind, the one he exclaims whenever I enter the room. Oh yes, Daddy.

Does your childcare division work for you?

by on May. 13, 2013 at 9:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 9:29 AM

When it comes to caring for our dd were even. Hes always been very hands on and invoved. When she was a baby he helped out with everything, even getting up with her at night. When she was little she pretty much put into a routine that if I did bath one night, daddy did it the next. She still likes it that way for her bedtime story.

Shes 7 now and doesnt need as much help, but we still work together. We both help with homework. She has certain activities she likes to do with us separately. Im lucky I landed such a great dh!

by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 9:49 AM
1 mom liked this
He works outside the house and the house is my responsibility. I he would more than happily help me but I don't like that.
He plays with ds and hangs out with him and cares for him sure
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by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 10:50 AM
Our childcare responsibilities are divided fairly. I stay home, so I do more during the day. But in terms of overall involvement, we share supervision of bath time, outside play, bedtime, etc.
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 10:52 AM

I do most of the child care, but my husband will help some. When they were little he would get them at night some, he stays up later than me, so if he was still awake he would let me sleep.

by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 10:52 AM

No. He works more + travels.

I work PT, so have more time.

by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:22 AM

 It's not really an even split because I am home more, I do more.

by Silver Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I do most everything around the home because....well...I'm here all day. When we both had full time careers we did everything evenly.

by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:21 PM

I stay home so do more during the day but he is at work. When he's home it's about even other than night time. He doesn't get up with her at night. And he doesn't change any diapers.

by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:45 PM

We have our responsibilities, and we each follow through with them.  So, yes, we share it pretty evenly even though I usually pick up more of the slack.

by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 2:54 PM


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