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Is It Okay to Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?

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Is It Okay to Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?

posted by Jennifer Cullen 


While you’re getting intimate with your husband or partner, do you fantasize about somebody else?

Maybe you’re trying to get those pesky little to-do lists out of your head. Maybe you’re trying to keep yourself awake after yet another 16-hour day.

Or maybe you’re just a little bored. After all, it isn’t easy to keep things spicy after you’ve been together for a while, and what better way to get yourself through a sexual rut than to think about Ian Somerhalder kissing and caressing you?

Do you consider that cheating?

I don't think so. I think that a little fantasy, even when you’re in the middle of sex with your partner, is healthy. Sometimes you just need a little added oomph. And if thinking about someone else helps turn you on, go for it.

Especially if the fantasizing is only an occasional occurrence

The frequency would be the defining factor for me. If you need to think about, let's say, Channing Tatum every time you're with your in-the-flesh partner, it may be time to start thinking about why. If you're constantly comparing your partner to some imaginary person, you're going to get into some trouble in your relationship.

I know that, in the past, when I was in a relationship that was rocky, I turned to fantasies more frequently. It was a way to stave off intimacy with the person I was in bed with, yet still have that sexual experience I wanted.

These days, now that I'm happily married, I am more likely to fantasize about somebody other than my husband when I'm alone. It just feels right to invite someone else in to my virtual bed when he isn't occupying our real bed.

And I'm okay if my husband does the same. As long as the majority of the time we're together, we're focused on each other.

Would you care if your partner fantasized about another woman while you two were being intimate?

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 10:09 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:12 PM

I don't really like to think it's right .. had a ex that thought it was perfectly right

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:15 PM
2 moms liked this

 what kind of garbage is this? People like this shouldn't get married. I feel sorry for your husband.

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:20 PM
3 moms liked this
If its someone real, like someone we know i'd be pissed! But if it was like a model or something i wouldnt care as much
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:21 PM

I don't care one bit, my DH has said if I am thinking about someone else then hey what ever he is the one in the moment physically with me so if something else gets my "motor going" then he can be the one to finish the job LOL

by Laura on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:23 PM
I'm sure he probably does sometimes, but I don't need to know about it.
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by New Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:29 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes.  Hell yes.  If he's fantasizing about someone else, I don't want to know.  Talk about crusing my self-confidence.  After almost 10 years together, I find my DH to be the most attractive, sexy, and fantastic man in the whole world.  It would crush me to find out he was thinking of someone else during sex.

Wife to a wonderful man, and mother to six beautiful children. :)

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by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:38 PM

Not ok for either one of us, IMO.

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:47 PM

If its not someone he actually doesn't know  like a celebrity I have o problem. People he really knows would probably make me worry though

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:50 PM


Quoting la1118:

I'm sure he probably does sometimes, but I don't need to know about it.

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Proud mom to 3 boys, Sean(7), Daniel(5), and Julian(3)

by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM
I haven't done this. If my husband does I don't really care. I don't know the difference and what goes on in his head is his business.
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