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Is It Okay to Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?

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Is It Okay to Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?

posted by Jennifer Cullen 


While you’re getting intimate with your husband or partner, do you fantasize about somebody else?

Maybe you’re trying to get those pesky little to-do lists out of your head. Maybe you’re trying to keep yourself awake after yet another 16-hour day.

Or maybe you’re just a little bored. After all, it isn’t easy to keep things spicy after you’ve been together for a while, and what better way to get yourself through a sexual rut than to think about Ian Somerhalder kissing and caressing you?

Do you consider that cheating?

I don't think so. I think that a little fantasy, even when you’re in the middle of sex with your partner, is healthy. Sometimes you just need a little added oomph. And if thinking about someone else helps turn you on, go for it.

Especially if the fantasizing is only an occasional occurrence

The frequency would be the defining factor for me. If you need to think about, let's say, Channing Tatum every time you're with your in-the-flesh partner, it may be time to start thinking about why. If you're constantly comparing your partner to some imaginary person, you're going to get into some trouble in your relationship.

I know that, in the past, when I was in a relationship that was rocky, I turned to fantasies more frequently. It was a way to stave off intimacy with the person I was in bed with, yet still have that sexual experience I wanted.

These days, now that I'm happily married, I am more likely to fantasize about somebody other than my husband when I'm alone. It just feels right to invite someone else in to my virtual bed when he isn't occupying our real bed.

And I'm okay if my husband does the same. As long as the majority of the time we're together, we're focused on each other.

Would you care if your partner fantasized about another woman while you two were being intimate?

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 10:09 AM
Replies (41-50):
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 5:52 PM

I would be pretty upset if he did..

by Platinum Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 5:55 PM
1 mom liked this

As long as it wasn't someone we knew or easily accessible.

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:07 PM
I think of only my husband when with my husband. I would hope he thinks of me. But if not i dont want to know, but still think he thinks of only me.
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:08 PM
1 mom liked this

I say, the more the marrier.  ;)  I would not be upset if my husband fantasized about someone else while being intimate with me.  In fact, it turns me on thinking about it.  I've fantasized about a woman being with us but that's  it.

by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:10 PM
2 moms liked this
Did somebody say Channing Tatum?!!!???
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:11 PM

If you or him need to think of somebody else while having sex then you are doing it wrong, I don't buy this rut business and needing to spice things up, if you do it right it is always exciting and no need to fantasize because the man that is making you scream in pleasure is the man you are with not somebody else...

by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:11 PM
Lol! I'll be married 21 years and, girl, I know what you're saying!

Quoting Anonymous:

 We have been married nearly 22 years. I, on occasion, have done this, just to "get me there". I am not in any way saying he isn't capable of completely satisfying me, but we all have our difficult times, especially in 22 years! I don't really fantasize about someone I really want, but maybe someone that I was with many years ago that did something I really liked or maybe about ME being someone else, as well as him. We still are "active" 3-4 times a week, so we have had A LOT of sex.Spices things up a bit more in my head.

 He, on the other hand, is NEVER allowed to do this! LOL

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:13 PM
I don't care if he does I just don't want to know about it.
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:13 PM
I wouldn't want him thinking about someone else, so I don't. besides, I would be afraid of accidents saying the wrong name lol
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:14 PM
I don't have the need to and as far as I know dh doesn't either but if either of us did I wouldn't have a huge issue with it. I mean as long as he's at home, in our bed with me, that's what matters to me!
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