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The New Direction for Men

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
  • 54 Replies

We touched on it a bit yesterday, but the whole men in decline issue makes me think about one thing. Expectations we make for ourselves, for our lives. We all do it to some extent, form a picture of what we want/should/need to be, what our lives should "look" like in order to feel happy, to feel successful.

This is where I think men are really having a hard time with this decline, this changing of their roles. It wasn't what is "usually" expected. It wasn't what Life, what men in their lives are "supposed" to do. And that mental shift is tough to swallow. I don't do well with change, I play certain scenarios in my brain about Life, what may or may not or should happen. I try not to, I'm aiming to be better at it, but it is hard. Really hard.

How does anyone cope with that turn in the road of Life? Well, you can dig in your heels and refuse, you can turn around and run the other way, you can just stop all together...all of these are pretty strong options, but not healthy ones. Exploring that new world, that new role that he was forced into may be rough, but a few tiny steps in that direction could be all it takes to become much more comfortable with this Brave New Man World.

In any situation where a spouse is struggling, the partner can play a big part in how this succeeds or not. Talking about it, not pushing, recognizing how tough it is, pointing out aspects of the new road that could be good things. It is so easy to fall into looking at the negative, helping to keep his eyes on some positive elements to this new world he's been thrown in can make a big difference.

Are any of the guys in your life in decline? Have they made a big switch that has been tough to do?

©iStockphoto.com/ marekuliasz

by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TheBabyFactory4
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:16 AM
Nope not now. He's going up.
lalasmama2007
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:42 AM

Nope.

liveforever
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:43 AM
No for me. My dh especially and the other men in my life are doing great.
Bmat
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:33 AM

My husband recently retired, but he had a plan and is sticking to it.

ceciliam
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:43 AM

My husband is always moving up to bigger and better things. He is a very hard working & motivated person.....always has been.

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:29 AM

 

Quoting ceciliam:

My husband is always moving up to bigger and better things. He is a very hard working & motivated person.....always has been.

 This, same as my husband.

GwenMB
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't really understand the whole notion of being "in decline".  Just because society is changing, doesn't mean that men are "going down". Men are still an important part of society and while they have to accept that women are equals, I think men have been having to accept that for quite some time.  So I don't think that is necessarily a hard thing for the vast majority.  Even back when many men didn't view women as their equals (say in the 50s when women were expected to be in the home), most men did still care about the women in their lives & would do what they could to help them be happy.

Men are still vital to the success of this country & our society.  I honestly don't see any big decline in their roles.  They should still be doing what they are "supposed" to do (supporting their families). How that happens can change, the wives may have an equal role in supporting the family financially.  But men are still supposed to be there raising their children, making sure the family has what it needs.

Maybe I see this as being such a none issue because my mom went back to college & finished her degree in the 80s & got a full-time job. It wasn't nearly as common in the 80s (my mom experienced some push back from people around her) and my dad may have had a hard time with it at times.  But that is such ancient history in my family now, and I think in society in general, that I'm not  getting the "decline" issue.

LindaClement
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Nothing about dh's role has changed. 

When he was living on his own, he was expected to take care of his own life, house, finances and relationship with his family. Since he got married, he has been expected to take care of his own life, house, finances and relationship with his family.

I don't see any changes, here -- at least not changes that aren't society-wide: not being a bigot, not being sexist, not being violent (as the primary solution, John Wayne style...)

Frankly, if guys are having a hard time not being violent sexist bigots, that's fine with me.

Janet
by Silver Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:08 PM

My husband recently retired. He doesn't know what to do with himself.

sukainah
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:30 PM

My husband is from Iraq and he is having a very hard time adjusting to the life here.  I think it's hard for him to feel he is taking care of his family when he is missing his own in Iraq.  I think he feels less of a man sometimes, because it's such a change for him.

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