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Your child's success: how you can help make it happen

Posted by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
  • 42 Replies

Poll any mom and ask them about what they hope for their children. Many say they want them to be happy and healthy, have lives that are meaningful. All fantastic goals and wishes for their little ones. But there's been a lot of chitchat out there about how kids become happy, how they learn to find meaning in their lives, to approach each day with that skip in their step. A big thing all of the studies have shown? The key to being happy adults, to having a "successful" life? Resilience and grit.

I know, how exactly do we teach resilience and grit? I wasn't sure either so went in search of some tips. Here's what I found:

-- Share stories of grit. From super athletes who overcame obstacles to your own personal anecdotes of failing and then getting back up to try again (and perhaps again), talking about how trying hard at something and the approach one takes when something doesn't come very easy is ohso important.

-- Focus on the basics. Sure, we want them to become doctors who cure cancer, but pushing them to focus on that doesn't help them be functional humans. Being resourceful and aware of others, and mastering basic day-to-day tasks like cleaning up, fixing a sandwich, whatever it may be is vital to having a positive outlook. 

-- Teach them "authentic success." This means highlighting the process of learning and living. As results from a test come back, sure, look at the grade, but also ask them to talk about what they learned from studying for that test. When there was a soccer game or dance practice, don't ask them if they scored, but about how the flow of the game went, how they felt during it, the highs and the lows. By talking about the process of an experience, it lets them discover and learn to hone their own inner evaluation of what success is.

-- Let them fail. If you see your child may not have fully devoted enough time on that book report and probably won't get a good grade, even after talking a few days ago on how long he would need, let it happen. We can't stop bad things or fix every situation for them. How one reacts to failure is a huge part of character, and if your child never encounters it, he will be at a huge disadvantage in life. Obviously, if that situation where he will fail with harm him physically, step in, but on daily moments where he can take control and affect what is happening, have him learn how to handle and move on (and fix) mistakes and missteps. It will benefit him for his whole life.

How do you teach your child resilience and grit? Have you talked about what "success" means with your child? What kind of successful life do you want for your child?

©iStockphoto.com/ marekuliasz

by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 8:25 AM

I want me dd to be happy. Be involved in your kid's life, have them grow up in a happy, healthy household.

Mom2jngnc
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:08 AM

I want them to be happy.

So far we've tried out for sports and gotten cut. 

Ds #1 got cut from 9th basketball (why he went out I will never know), participated in Track (no cuts), Made V. Bowling in 10th, but got cut in 11th, made it for Senior year.... after I encouraged him to TRY. Do you want to graduate wondering "what if...." or do you want to graduate saying "I did the best I could."

ds #2 was cut from 7/8 soccer, didn't do anything that fall, did 7/8 track in spring; did 7/8 cross country the following fall (didnt' want the soccer cut, forgetting that we have 2 teams for 8th graders); 7/8 track in the spring, and is currently on 8/9 soccer after being cut from JV (V kids who got cut auto went toJV). 


I tell them to keep trying....even the best of the best, got told at some point they weren't good enough. 

matt_sara_mom
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:16 AM

It's not something we have really talked about. I guess it's shown more to them when every year they get to go watch their uncle run track at the special olympics state tournament. We cheer everyone on and love to see them try. Nothing better than watching those wonderful people work so hard to get what they want.  They are told that You can do anything you want, if you work hard and try for it.

othermom
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 9:39 AM

We talk about working hard, keep trying and do your best

la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 10:44 AM
I want them to be happy and have the drive to achieve their dreams.
dusky_rose
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 11:06 AM

I think that my dad taught me resilience and grit by taking me hiking with my brothers. If you can learn to tough it out on a 20 mile hike, you can keep going in life when things get tough.


craftybookworm
by on Oct. 23, 2013 at 11:09 AM

I want all my children to be happy and healthy.  I want them to be able to look back on their lives and feel like they were somebodies.  I want them to have dreams and achieve them. 

We talk about these types of things often with our teenager.  Right now for our younger kids, it's about providing a happy healthy homelife.

sukainah
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 12:19 PM

I like the Cub Scouts motto "Do your best".  And if they fail try and try again and praise them for trying and praise them for doing their best.

I want my kids to be healthy and happy and have lots of friends and have confidence in themselves and know that if they try hard that they can succeed and if they don't, then they know they did their best.

krys1025
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 1:05 PM
I want my kids to be happy. My oldest daughter has learned that failure happens, an example she tried out for an advanced soccer team twice and didn't make it. She worked hard at getting up her skills and tried out again and made the team. I've also taught her that we can't all start at the top, we have to climb our way up.
arpazia
by Silver Member on Oct. 23, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Work hard and do your best.
Don't make me quote black beauty , I'll do it:p
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