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It's OK Not to Like Your Spouse Sometimes

Posted by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 12:00 AM
  • 48 Replies
1 mom liked this

We see the article titles like this all the time:  "The secret to a happy marriage is ______". Various things fill that blank, prompted by studies and polls. Separate bedrooms, communication, honesty, date nights, joint bank accounts, cuddling. Some of my favorite studies are those that come up with different answers for men and women that are totally at odds, like when women need communication and men need silence.

I think one of the main secrets to a happy marriage is admitting it isn't always a happy marriage. I know, a little odd, but when you stop thinking that every day, you will wake up and see rainbows and stars hovering around your spouse, I promise you, you will have a happier marriage.

Let's face it: reality is that you are together for the long haul. Let's say 65 years. That's over 23,725 days, folks. I am 99.999999999% positive you will not like your spouse for 23,725 days straight. You will love him, but you won't like him...and, you betcha, he won't like you some days. Like Joanie says in the video, sometimes she doesn't like her spouse. It doesn't work like that...and I agree.

I'm not saying you will hate each other, but there will be days, weeks even, that you just won't be as into him. You may even really not like him. He will have days and weeks where he really will not want to deal with you. And all of that is okay. It's normal...so once you realize this, and figure out, "Hey, that is okay," then you can think about what you can do to get that "like feeling" back.  

And what helps is, at the core, believing in your relationship and, yes, being good friends as well as intimate partners...and definitely making each other laugh. That's a huge plus. On those days when I'm not "so into" my husband, yet he makes me laugh? It goes a long way to getting back into "like" mode.

When do you NOT like your husband?

©iStockphoto.com/ tzidanic 

by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ablackdolphin
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 6:45 AM
1 mom liked this
Live with anyone ling enough and there will be things that annoy you, IMO.
mrswillie
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 7:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I can't say I have ever not liked my husband.
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psych_mom
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:27 AM

There are things that my husband may do that annoy me, especially when I'm stressed out, but I don't know that I dislike him at those times. I have learned to separate the actions from the person. I think that is a key thing to a happy life, learn to separate a person's actions from who they are and then when they occasionally do something out of character for them you don't go off on them and get personal and angry and call them names or put them down.

elasmimi
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:40 AM

When I am searching everywhere for the other sock that he threw at the cat.

TerriC
by Bronze Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:46 AM
2 moms liked this

When he brings work home so to speak.  If he has had a bad day, he will; at times, bring it home.  Makes things tense.

la1118
by Laura on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:48 AM
LOL! Or when he balls up the socks that do make it to the laundry hamper. Argh.

Quoting elasmimi:

When I am searching everywhere for the other sock that he threw at the cat.

lebeautydiaries
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:54 AM
1 mom liked this

My boyfriend and I just started living together, and overall, we're two peas in a pod. We're best friends, but like any other best friend, we do have our arguments and our tit-for-tat moments. We're not married, but my favorite thing about our relationship is that we can talk about anything and solve any problem together, especially when we disagree. I feel like in the long haul, this is going to get us pretty far. I've never had a guy that's been so willing to talk things out, review all scenarios, examples, meet in the middle, etc. Furthermore, our goal is to make each other as happy as possible. Either my boyfriend is just mature, or I'm blessed. Lol.

arpazia
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:00 AM
Sure.
Like isn't love
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lalasmama2007
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:07 AM

I don't like it when he doesn't listen.

lillucky8
by Silver Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 9:39 AM

we've had our ups and downs, i dislike him the most when he's home for too many days and just wants to play on his stupid xbox, that drives me insane.

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