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Parenting Dilemma: Rewards for Behavior?

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I picked that image above for this post because I think it sums up a lot of this whole parenting gig. Parenting is never done. I'm always going to be my kid's mom, no matter how old she is, no matter if she becomes a mom herself. It is a constant, continually evolving thing, this role of parenting. My job as a mom, my kiddo, me -- we are all works in progress, right?

From the get-go, discipline is in the front of the Parenting To Do Line. How one does this is a whole other story, one that may change as you get to know your kiddo and that kiddo grows up (and you become, hopefully, more adept at this discipline thing). But it isn't easy.

I agree with Joanie about discipline... I don't reward good behavior, I really try to avoid offering bribes for it. Instead, I tell her I appreciate her good attitude or that added-on "please" and "thank you"  when she does it, especially without my reminding her to do it. But, let's face it, I do remind her.  My trick: I talk about good behavior, about what is expected, or why one behavioral choice is better than another at a different time, not while in the middle of a situation.

It's a bit advice I got early -- set behavior expectations for your kids beforehand. Kids are still entering into new, never-done-before-and-didn't-know-they-existed situations. They need our help with these new encounters...and, sure, with ones they've been in a gazillion times too. Before heading out to a restaurant or to a birthday party or to the airport, I'll matter-of-factly tell Kiddo, "Hey, while we are out and about today, I expect you to have good behavior, remember to say thank you, to look at folks in the eye, (insert whatever behavior is expected)." That way, in the moment, it isn't a surprise for her. If she gets a bit off the "behavioral step," it's easy for me to say, "Hey, babe, remember what behavior we talked about."

It is tricky, super tricky...though, what in parenting isn't?

How do you encourage good behavior?

©iStockphoto.com/Aquir 

by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Replies (41-50):
Leelee1008
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 7:27 PM

positive reinforcement... I dont reward either.. just tell them good job etc

kellynh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 9:53 PM

Agree

Quoting goddess99:

Reminders. It depends on the child but I definitely reward for good behavior.


kellynh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 9:54 PM

Bingo!

Quoting Madelaine:

By staying positive


kellynh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 9:55 PM

Good Point

Quoting Miranda1127:

 good advice! Clear expectations are essential in parenting.


kellynh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 9:55 PM

Hope it gets better for you! 4 is a rough age

Quoting brittany208:

i need to figure something out. my 4yo has NOT been listening lately!


kellynh
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 9:56 PM

With an ASD child... Rewards are essential... As are many things mentioned

alliesmom112
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 10:55 PM


Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

People, teachers, have commented on my boys' behavior and how they wished others would behave that way. My daughter was a somewhat work in progress, but I think is well behaved everywhere but home, lol. I just have never accepted bad behavior from my children. They know what I expect.

Allie knows we don't accept bad behavior either. She is not perfect by any means but she knows what is acceptable 

alliesmom112
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 10:56 PM

we reward for good behavior in a way. We don't say if you are good get this but if she has been extra good or something we will reward her with something small

alliesmom112
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 10:57 PM

we do postitive reenforcement. 

Quoting Leelee1008:

positive reinforcement... I dont reward either.. just tell them good job etc


alliesmom112
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 10:58 PM

we expect it to. We do reward though too. Not all the time but just like adults like to have their hard work aknowledged and rewarded so do kids. 

Quoting elasmimi:

We expect it. That sounds too simple, and it really is, but it is where you have to start.


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