Advertisement
Cafemom and Target Present: Mad Life
Helping today’s parents improve their relationships, feel better about themselves and raise happy, health kids.

Do You Compare Yourself to Other Moms?

Posted by   + Show Post

When the ladies from yesterday's Mad Life video started discussing the competitive element to mommying, I nodded vigorously and chuckled. They are so spot-on with how it feels when you see that mom. You know the one I'm talking about: she always looks put together (no grey roots showing), she has lined up the perfect afternoon snack (one that involves baking kale or something), she whips up wonderfully nutritious dinners every night (and will gladly share her recipes), and her kids always have well-fitting clothes and proper weather accessories (she kindly looks the other way when your kiddo arrives drenched from the rain in two-sizes-too-small shoes).

Yes, moms compete. Maybe not outright in a parenting relay race, but we all look at each other, mentally sizing each other up and checking off what we do better than the other and, of course, what others do better than we do. It doesn't happen all of the time and doesn't come from a place of malice, but it's there, that underlying, subconscious, subtle, usually never vocalized judgment and comparison.

Like the video pointed out, dads don't enter this competitive parenting game. Definitely not. So, why do moms do this? That's a question I have no answer for...but it's one we should figure out. These silly competitions -- SAHM vs. WOHM, breastfeeding moms vs. non-breastfeeding moms, old moms vs. young moms, etc and so on -- don't help anyone. What we really need? We need to praise each other more. Let's all try, when we see a fellow mom, to tell her, "Hey, you are doing a great job!" Even if those comparisons start to creep into your mental mommy monologue, take a deep breath and tell her. Just a hunch, but I bet you will feel better too.

How often to you feel you "compete with" or compare yourself to other moms?

©iStockphoto.com/ DeluXe-PiX

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Replies (11-20):
arpazia
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:22 AM
That's so not true!
You love her, she will always remember being loved! That is the best thing to give a child:)

Quoting elasmimi:

I cannot compete. I struggle with this daily, because I am raising a great grandchild, and I am disabled. She has to miss so much, because I cannot do the things the younger moms do.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
elasmimi
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:25 AM

Thanks. I keep telling myself that, but it's hard to see her missing out on activities.

Quoting arpazia: That's so not true! You love her, she will always remember being loved! That is the best thing to give a child:)
Quoting elasmimi:

I cannot compete. I struggle with this daily, because I am raising a great grandchild, and I am disabled. She has to miss so much, because I cannot do the things the younger moms do.


louannwilkins
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:30 AM

I didn't really feel like I was competing but I did wonder how some of the kids acted so much different than mine.  lol

Lizzys_mommy13
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 11:55 AM

I don't compete with other moms, but I do compare myself. Usually when I see someone doing something that I feel I could do better. I like to take mental notes of things to try.

Miranda1127
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 2:28 PM

 I don't

RobynS
by Silver Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 3:47 PM

I really try not to compare or compete. I keep seeing this quote:

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I'd like to keep my joy! LOL ;)

jen113000
by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 4:47 PM
Everyone is different. We all make choices that's different from others. We all make mistakes. I try not to compare myself to others but I have compared myself to my mom.
la_bella_vita
by Gold Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 5:28 PM

 I used to have a friend who made everything competitive, I'll never miss that. Youcan't live like that and be happy.

jazi1105
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 6:29 PM
Compete, no. Compare, yes. It's kind of hard not to compare yourself to other parents, especially on this site. I mean everyone does things differently.
jridgill
by New Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 7:30 PM
All the time :(
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)