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On Dates and Mom Guilt

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 12:00 AM
  • 49 Replies

I am writing this while on a date to my favorite local coffee shop.

My date is handsome and funny and all too happy to split a chocolate milk shake with me. He also happens to have chocolate dripping off his chin, be wearing a Han Solo costume and deeply invested in his Angry Birds Star Wars coloring book, but that doesn't matter, I'm still in love.

My son and I have been having regular dates to the coffee shop this semester. I bring my laptop and work on grad school homework or catching up on emails. He brings a stack of coloring books and my iPad so he can watch Lego videos while I work. My husband stays home with our daughter and takes advantage of the quiet of a five year old free house to get her to take a nap. It makes for an exceedingly pleasant Saturday afternoon for all involved (except the baby sometimes who is getting old enough to realize that big brother is going somewhere and that she is not invited).

When I started grad school and added another time commitment to my already busy life, I felt some worries about whether my kids would feel like they got enough of me, of my time, of my attention. I miss bedtimes and swim lessons and school drop-offs. Yesterday I came home from school and saw my husband dosing the baby with pink medicine-she had an ear infection. I didn't even know she'd been to the doctor as my phone was turned off all day in class (and, yes, let me take a moment to give a shout out to my husband for being a fabulous stay-at-home parent).

But what I choose to believe is that my son will remember this, our standing coffee date, and our Sunday morning walks to the bagel shop and how we lay on the couch reading together before bedtime. I'm choosing to believe that the only one who is counting missed bedtimes is me and that when, a year or two from now, I graduate and become "Dr. Mom" my kids will both be proud of me.

Do you ever get the "mom guilt" about time with your kids?

by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 5:23 AM

That's a nice way to spend time with your son. I'm a sahm of 3 kids, I'm always with them. I feel guilty that I'm not always in a good mood, which isn't too often lately. My 2 year old takes a lot of attention and energy at the moment. I don't have any patience left for my kids that are older and know better. I get to hear my kids say that I'm mean and that they like daddy better. 

by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:08 AM

I don't but that's because I'm home with DD every day.  As a matter of fact, I don't do anything without her.  The longest I've ever been away from her is when DH took her to her one-year checkup and I stayed home (I babysit so I was home with him).

by Deanna on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:29 AM
I'm a SAHM to my dd and I'm always with her.

However, when my adult kids were young, I would take them out for one on one time. I was working and going to school and felt that guilt.
To this day, they remember the outings and remember when I finished school that I was able to attend school stuff for them.
by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:46 AM

No, I'm a SAHM and I only have one child, so we spend all of our time together.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 9:42 AM

I haven't really has that guilt feeling, I am a SAHM so most of my time is with them.  There are times, (rare times) when DH and I will go out for a date and have a sitter come, if it is a bright sunny day, I feel guilty leaving my kids when we could be outside enjoying the day.  However, DH and I need time too.  LOL

by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 9:56 AM

No, I'm a sahm I have all the time in the world for my dd. She's just at the age where that doesn't matter anymore.

by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 10:08 AM

No I dont

by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 10:13 AM

 Not anymore but I have in the past.

by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 10:26 AM

I live with mom-guilt all the time. I know I shouldn't... we have to take care of ourselves, too. But it's hard.

And my youngest is old enough to have a major meltdown if I take the older one somewhere without her! LOL

by on Mar. 24, 2014 at 10:29 AM

Ive never felt it. 

I stayed home while dd was younger. I had a part time job, but it was just a few 4 hour shifts at night and ome time on the weekends. I was with her all day. I guess I never felt guilt about it because if I was gone, she was home with daddy. I may have felt differently if she was in daycare or with a babysitter.

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