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Would you ever admit out loud that you have a favorite child?

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You have a favorite child? Fine, just don't admit it!

http://moms.today.com/_news/2012/09/21/14011513-you-have-a-favorite-child-fine-just-dont-admit-it?lite

By Rebecca Dube, TODAY

A dad blogger wrote about how one of his two children is his favorite, and now he's surprised that people are criticizing him for it.

Dude, are you serious?

First of all, liking one child a little more is nothing remarkable. Plenty of parents have a favorite, even if the status rotates based on which child has not recently colored the dog with Sharpies or put pancakes in the DVD player.

But you don't say it out loud! And you certainly don't publish it on the Internet for everyone to see, and Google, in perpetuity. While the writer doesn't use his own name on the column, he does helpfully supply photos and name his children, both the favorite and the other one.


There's nothing subtle about what he writes:

Yes, I have a favorite son and I’m not ashamed to admit it....

My choosing Zacharie as my favorite is not about ‘playing favorites,’ or ‘preferential treatment’ when I’m parenting. I don’t let Zacharie get away with anything because he’s my first pick, I just .. yknow .. like him better. ...

When it comes to weekends when my wife and I divide the boys up to have an easier time running errands, I usually pick Z.

If there was a parenting boot camp, and maybe there should be, this would be one of the first lessons screamed at you by the cranky drill sergeant. When your children ask who's the favorite -- and they will, and they will be persistent and sneaky about it -- SAY NOTHING. Oh sure, they may suspect that you have a favorite. They may wonder, and they may accuse. But they must never know. Sibling rivalry is tough enough, and naming a favorite is just throwing parental kindling on the fire.


If you feel up to more advanced parental Jedi mind tricks, you can take each child aside and tell them that they are secretly your favorite child, but not to tell the others. If you're lucky they won't compare notes until after you're dead. If not, at least you'll discover which of your kids can keep a secret.

Don’t drive yourself too crazy trying to always make things always fair. The real trick is to minimize conditions that break down sibling relationships and cause long-lasting resentment. ... Never compare or praise one kid’s behavior in contrast to a sibling: it can create long-lasting strains.

So, for example, writing a blog post that says "my older son is my favorite of the two. He and I are adventurous partners in crime, and I can’t imagine life without him," as this dad does, is the kind of thing that can really mess a kid up.


Here's the thing, dad blogger: Not every thought you have as a parent needs to be published. There's a thin line between refreshing honesty and just being mean, and going on and on about your favorite (and least favorite) child crosses the line. At least in my book. What do you think? Do you have a favorite, and would you admit it?

by on May. 22, 2014 at 1:37 PM
Replies (21-30):
othermom
by Platinum Member on May. 22, 2014 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this

  Lol. I got some of the stuff done in my kids. They are all more or less accurate, it is hard to find time to do it, but I did make sure to though because of mine.

Quoting chattycassie:

 SO it is good I never finished ANY of the baby books? :)

Quoting othermom:

I don't have a favorite. I love doing certain things with each of my kids and try to find time with each of them to do those things. We all connect in different ways because they are different kids.

I rememeber when I was 17 and found mine and my brothers baby books, his was all filled out, mine had something from my birth and my 5th birthday and the rest was blank. She said she didn't have time. She also admitted my brother was  her favorite because he was her first and they had more in common. It really hurt

 

 

jellyphish
by Silver Member on May. 22, 2014 at 7:59 PM
Hmm. I can't fathom picking a fav. My girls are polar opposites and it's easy to love them differently for that, and to have different goals and parenting styles for them. But a favorite? Nope.
Sophie's Choice, anyone?
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jellyphish
by Silver Member on May. 22, 2014 at 8:02 PM
I have ZERO time for that stuff! Th Biggie I was a sahm and found time during naps to make her first year book. With The Little I'm a single working mom and there is no way in hell I'll ever be able to get around to doing one! Since you've been through this, do you think it'd be better to lock Biggie's up and pretend it doesn't exist?

I also made a book on shutterfly- an adaptation of Wocket in My Pocket with pics of Biggie. I really need to do one of those for the Little. I'm such a bad mama!


Quoting othermom:

  Lol. I got some of the stuff done in my kids. They are all more or less accurate, it is hard to find time to do it, but I did make sure to though because of mine.


Quoting chattycassie:

 SO it is good I never finished ANY of the baby books? :)


Quoting othermom:

I don't have a favorite. I love doing certain things with each of my kids and try to find time with each of them to do those things. We all connect in different ways because they are different kids.


I rememeber when I was 17 and found mine and my brothers baby books, his was all filled out, mine had something from my birth and my 5th birthday and the rest was blank. She said she didn't have time. She also admitted my brother was  her favorite because he was her first and they had more in common. It really hurt


 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momofnatalie
by Silver Member on May. 22, 2014 at 10:01 PM

I think my favorite changes based on what they are doing.  If the baby is constantly pulling books off the book shelf and my oldest comes by and helps her put the books back, then I'm really impressed with DD #1.  If the baby gives her big sister a hug, I'm touched by what she does.  I don't have one that I favor constantly over the other.  

Whereismymind
by Silver Member on May. 22, 2014 at 10:24 PM
It changes lol ....... Whoever is being the best behaved ;(
Numom61507
by Gold Member on May. 22, 2014 at 10:54 PM

Mini is my favorite but she's my only. I have a favorite dog though. She's just more cuddly than the other two. 

My parents always had favorites. They babied certain siblings and were hard as rocks to others. They never had to admit it though, because it was plain to see. 

kerryket
by Gold Member on May. 23, 2014 at 4:35 AM
I know whenever one of my friend's triplets hack her face book, they put down their name as her favorite child!
:-P
chrissydan
by Gold Member on May. 23, 2014 at 5:01 AM
Each child and i have our own special bonds and my kids are diffrent
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mamamedic69
by Deanna on May. 23, 2014 at 7:41 AM
All of my kids are my favorites. They each have different personalities and bring that to the family.
othermom
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2014 at 9:15 AM

 I wouldn't lock it up, but maybe do a photo book of your youngest too or if you have the time now fill in the little things you can remember for the youngest or  maybe a journal of memorries. It can be so hard to find time to do them I know. I loved it with my first two kids along with their baby books I recieved a calander with stickers and stuff for their first year so I just had to stop and put a sticker of the day of first tooth or something and then I could go back and write it in later. It saved so much time. With my youngest I didn't have one, plus I had three kids and was working so I kind of filled it in as I could and it is not as done, but most is. I do focus on special memories or events too and also take lots of photos.

Some people won't mindf if theres were not done, some may. I am an emotional person so it bothered me. Plus my mom and I didn't have the closest relationship since my parents divorced when I was young, then she moved out of state when I was 11, so it made me sad that the few years that we all did live together she didn't do any of it

Quoting jellyphish: I have ZERO time for that stuff! Th Biggie I was a sahm and found time during naps to make her first year book. With The Little I'm a single working mom and there is no way in hell I'll ever be able to get around to doing one! Since you've been through this, do you think it'd be better to lock Biggie's up and pretend it doesn't exist? I also made a book on shutterfly- an adaptation of Wocket in My Pocket with pics of Biggie. I really need to do one of those for the Little. I'm such a bad mama!
Quoting othermom:

  Lol. I got some of the stuff done in my kids. They are all more or less accurate, it is hard to find time to do it, but I did make sure to though because of mine.

Quoting chattycassie:

 SO it is good I never finished ANY of the baby books? :)

Quoting othermom:

I don't have a favorite. I love doing certain things with each of my kids and try to find time with each of them to do those things. We all connect in different ways because they are different kids.

I rememeber when I was 17 and found mine and my brothers baby books, his was all filled out, mine had something from my birth and my 5th birthday and the rest was blank. She said she didn't have time. She also admitted my brother was  her favorite because he was her first and they had more in common. It really hurt

 

 

 

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