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Would you ever admit out loud that you have a favorite child?

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You have a favorite child? Fine, just don't admit it!

http://moms.today.com/_news/2012/09/21/14011513-you-have-a-favorite-child-fine-just-dont-admit-it?lite

By Rebecca Dube, TODAY

A dad blogger wrote about how one of his two children is his favorite, and now he's surprised that people are criticizing him for it.

Dude, are you serious?

First of all, liking one child a little more is nothing remarkable. Plenty of parents have a favorite, even if the status rotates based on which child has not recently colored the dog with Sharpies or put pancakes in the DVD player.

But you don't say it out loud! And you certainly don't publish it on the Internet for everyone to see, and Google, in perpetuity. While the writer doesn't use his own name on the column, he does helpfully supply photos and name his children, both the favorite and the other one.


There's nothing subtle about what he writes:

Yes, I have a favorite son and I’m not ashamed to admit it....

My choosing Zacharie as my favorite is not about ‘playing favorites,’ or ‘preferential treatment’ when I’m parenting. I don’t let Zacharie get away with anything because he’s my first pick, I just .. yknow .. like him better. ...

When it comes to weekends when my wife and I divide the boys up to have an easier time running errands, I usually pick Z.

If there was a parenting boot camp, and maybe there should be, this would be one of the first lessons screamed at you by the cranky drill sergeant. When your children ask who's the favorite -- and they will, and they will be persistent and sneaky about it -- SAY NOTHING. Oh sure, they may suspect that you have a favorite. They may wonder, and they may accuse. But they must never know. Sibling rivalry is tough enough, and naming a favorite is just throwing parental kindling on the fire.


If you feel up to more advanced parental Jedi mind tricks, you can take each child aside and tell them that they are secretly your favorite child, but not to tell the others. If you're lucky they won't compare notes until after you're dead. If not, at least you'll discover which of your kids can keep a secret.

Don’t drive yourself too crazy trying to always make things always fair. The real trick is to minimize conditions that break down sibling relationships and cause long-lasting resentment. ... Never compare or praise one kid’s behavior in contrast to a sibling: it can create long-lasting strains.

So, for example, writing a blog post that says "my older son is my favorite of the two. He and I are adventurous partners in crime, and I can’t imagine life without him," as this dad does, is the kind of thing that can really mess a kid up.


Here's the thing, dad blogger: Not every thought you have as a parent needs to be published. There's a thin line between refreshing honesty and just being mean, and going on and on about your favorite (and least favorite) child crosses the line. At least in my book. What do you think? Do you have a favorite, and would you admit it?

by on May. 22, 2014 at 1:37 PM
Replies (211-219):
paganbaby
by Silver Member on May. 27, 2014 at 2:07 PM
1 mom liked this

If you feel up to more advanced parental Jedi mind tricks, you can take each child aside and tell them that they are secretly your favorite child, but not to tell the others. If you're lucky they won't compare notes until after you're dead. If not, at least you'll discover which of your kids can keep a secret.

I did that,lol. At least that's what I told my oldest. When the other kids get older I'll tell them the same. Nothing makes you feel more special than knowing you're mom's favorite :-)

celestegood
by Gold Member on May. 28, 2014 at 6:27 AM
1 mom liked this
HAHA this is funny.

Quoting paganbaby:

If you feel up to more advanced parental Jedi mind tricks, you can take each child aside and tell them that they are secretly your favorite child, but not to tell the others. If you're lucky they won't compare notes until after you're dead. If not, at least you'll discover which of your kids can keep a secret.

I did that,lol. At least that's what I told my oldest. When the other kids get older I'll tell them the same. Nothing makes you feel more special than knowing you're mom's favorite :-)

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Vertical15
by on May. 28, 2014 at 9:51 AM

 Eh, it hurts on and off.  These days I just focus on my own family and I have more or less cut ties with most of my family.

Quoting sarahjz:
Quoting Vertical15:

Yikes! 

I don't have a running favorite.  I have an easier one, a tougher one, more independent one and so on.  I couldn't say I have a favorite. 

My mom always told me my sister was her favorite.  She always wanted a girl and she was her first girl.  Hence her favorite.  I'm still not sure how to take that.

Yikes. It would be hard knowing there is a favorite, and its not you. :(

 

sarahjz
by Gold Member on May. 28, 2014 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this

good

Quoting Vertical15:

 Eh, it hurts on and off.  These days I just focus on my own family and I have more or less cut ties with most of my family.

Quoting sarahjz:
Quoting Vertical15:

Yikes! 

I don't have a running favorite.  I have an easier one, a tougher one, more independent one and so on.  I couldn't say I have a favorite. 

My mom always told me my sister was her favorite.  She always wanted a girl and she was her first girl.  Hence her favorite.  I'm still not sure how to take that.

Yikes. It would be hard knowing there is a favorite, and its not you. :(



MamaMack613
by on May. 28, 2014 at 9:08 PM
Lol. I swear you and I must have the same insane MIL. She gets all butt hurt over silly stuff like facebook. Of course your baby is your favorite person, you made him! Lol

Quoting JessiFaye: I just have one, so he's my favorite. My MIL actually got insulted and stopped talking to me for a few days because I referred to him as my favorite person on Facebook and she was insulted that I would single MY BABY out as my favorite.

So.... This doesn't just apply to kids apparently. It also applies to adults who act like kids. ;)
MrsSumner3
by on May. 29, 2014 at 9:16 PM
Yeah...admitted at that moment now she claims she can't recall that conversation ever happening and it doesn't make sense to her because she loves and treats all her kids equally and has no clue why she would have said that *sigh* oh well I know I wasn't a bad kid and deep down I think she does too.

Quoting Numom61507:

At least you got an admission. My parents still claim I was their 'worst' child, but I was never in jail, rehab or selling drugs like the younger ones did. I will never get why parents make excuses for one kid and not another. 

Quoting MrsSumner3: Lol me too! I have two dogs they are sisters bandit and teddy and they are polar oposites. Bandit white favors the lab in them teddy black with brown favors the German shepherd/boarder collie in them. They both lie up to their names bandit is a scamp lol a high energy playful little theif. Teddy on the other hand is calmer she is my teddy bear. When I pet bandit she's bouncing around crazily teddy on the other hand sits and just watches me like I'm her entire world. I adore teddy I care for bandit too she's a good dog but her energy is exhausting for me whereas Teddy's is soothing. Hubby gets onto me tells me bandit knows I don't love her like I do teddy lol.

As for actual children right now I have my dd and will have my ds in July. My dd is my whole world but i don't feel I love her more than ds even now just different since I've already had nearly three years with my adorable little monster and my time with ds is just beginning.

My parents or mostly my mom had favorites too or it was more like" these are the children I like and these two are the bad ones" of six kids my older brother and I are the "bad" ones I never understood why but just accepted that's how it was. Looking back now it seems like my mom and I have the least in common of all us kids I'm a bit well my mom says unique lol I enjoy dressing a bit more eccentric I'm an artists mom insists she can't draw stick people. Our styles are completely different. I'm a tom boy she's super girly girl I'm very very country and outdoorsy she's more town and inside. I hate cooking she loves it. I love sports she finds them exhausting. I'm into sci fi she's into romance and sappy movies. Ultimately we just seem to have missed a good connection. She did admit right before my wedding that they were harder on me than the others. Kind of annoyed me more to be honest if it was something she didn't realize she was doing it would be a whole lot easier to accept and forgive than knowing it was a conscious decision



Quoting Numom61507:

Mini is my favorite but she's my only. I have a favorite dog though. She's just more cuddly than the other two. 

My parents always had favorites. They babied certain siblings and were hard as rocks to others. They never had to admit it though, because it was plain to see. 

Numom61507
by Gold Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:20 AM

Selective amnesia always rears it's ugly head when things go on. My MIL likes to text and email me mean things. I save them because she has selective amnesia as well.

Quoting MrsSumner3: Yeah...admitted at that moment now she claims she can't recall that conversation ever happening and it doesn't make sense to her because she loves and treats all her kids equally and has no clue why she would have said that *sigh* oh well I know I wasn't a bad kid and deep down I think she does too.
Quoting Numom61507:

At least you got an admission. My parents still claim I was their 'worst' child, but I was never in jail, rehab or selling drugs like the younger ones did. I will never get why parents make excuses for one kid and not another. 


MrsSumner3
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:59 AM
Yeah it's one of the most annoying traits i can think of honestly grow a set and stick to what you say or don't say it! Drives me crazy.

Quoting Numom61507:

Selective amnesia always rears it's ugly head when things go on. My MIL likes to text and email me mean things. I save them because she has selective amnesia as well.

Quoting MrsSumner3: Yeah...admitted at that moment now she claims she can't recall that conversation ever happening and it doesn't make sense to her because she loves and treats all her kids equally and has no clue why she would have said that *sigh* oh well I know I wasn't a bad kid and deep down I think she does too.

Quoting Numom61507:

At least you got an admission. My parents still claim I was their 'worst' child, but I was never in jail, rehab or selling drugs like the younger ones did. I will never get why parents make excuses for one kid and not another. 

Numom61507
by Gold Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 7:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Grab a paddle! We're in the same boat sister :) 

Quoting MrsSumner3: Yeah it's one of the most annoying traits i can think of honestly grow a set and stick to what you say or don't say it! Drives me crazy.
Quoting Numom61507:

Selective amnesia always rears it's ugly head when things go on. My MIL likes to text and email me mean things. I save them because she has selective amnesia as well.

Quoting MrsSumner3: Yeah...admitted at that moment now she claims she can't recall that conversation ever happening and it doesn't make sense to her because she loves and treats all her kids equally and has no clue why she would have said that *sigh* oh well I know I wasn't a bad kid and deep down I think she does too.
Quoting Numom61507:

At least you got an admission. My parents still claim I was their 'worst' child, but I was never in jail, rehab or selling drugs like the younger ones did. I will never get why parents make excuses for one kid and not another. 


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