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Would you ever admit out loud that you have a favorite child?

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You have a favorite child? Fine, just don't admit it!

http://moms.today.com/_news/2012/09/21/14011513-you-have-a-favorite-child-fine-just-dont-admit-it?lite

By Rebecca Dube, TODAY

A dad blogger wrote about how one of his two children is his favorite, and now he's surprised that people are criticizing him for it.

Dude, are you serious?

First of all, liking one child a little more is nothing remarkable. Plenty of parents have a favorite, even if the status rotates based on which child has not recently colored the dog with Sharpies or put pancakes in the DVD player.

But you don't say it out loud! And you certainly don't publish it on the Internet for everyone to see, and Google, in perpetuity. While the writer doesn't use his own name on the column, he does helpfully supply photos and name his children, both the favorite and the other one.


There's nothing subtle about what he writes:

Yes, I have a favorite son and I’m not ashamed to admit it....

My choosing Zacharie as my favorite is not about ‘playing favorites,’ or ‘preferential treatment’ when I’m parenting. I don’t let Zacharie get away with anything because he’s my first pick, I just .. yknow .. like him better. ...

When it comes to weekends when my wife and I divide the boys up to have an easier time running errands, I usually pick Z.

If there was a parenting boot camp, and maybe there should be, this would be one of the first lessons screamed at you by the cranky drill sergeant. When your children ask who's the favorite -- and they will, and they will be persistent and sneaky about it -- SAY NOTHING. Oh sure, they may suspect that you have a favorite. They may wonder, and they may accuse. But they must never know. Sibling rivalry is tough enough, and naming a favorite is just throwing parental kindling on the fire.


If you feel up to more advanced parental Jedi mind tricks, you can take each child aside and tell them that they are secretly your favorite child, but not to tell the others. If you're lucky they won't compare notes until after you're dead. If not, at least you'll discover which of your kids can keep a secret.

Don’t drive yourself too crazy trying to always make things always fair. The real trick is to minimize conditions that break down sibling relationships and cause long-lasting resentment. ... Never compare or praise one kid’s behavior in contrast to a sibling: it can create long-lasting strains.

So, for example, writing a blog post that says "my older son is my favorite of the two. He and I are adventurous partners in crime, and I can’t imagine life without him," as this dad does, is the kind of thing that can really mess a kid up.


Here's the thing, dad blogger: Not every thought you have as a parent needs to be published. There's a thin line between refreshing honesty and just being mean, and going on and on about your favorite (and least favorite) child crosses the line. At least in my book. What do you think? Do you have a favorite, and would you admit it?

by on May. 22, 2014 at 1:37 PM
Replies (31-40):
momofsixangels
by Platinum Member on May. 23, 2014 at 9:57 AM

I have said it to each child.lol.When they have helped around the house or told me they loved me

sarahjz
by Gold Member on May. 23, 2014 at 10:08 AM

No, because it would be a lie.  I don't have a favorite.  I do have favorite ages though.  Some years are tougher than others.  :)

Vertical15
by on May. 24, 2014 at 1:09 AM

Yikes! 

I don't have a running favorite.  I have an easier one, a tougher one, more independent one and so on.  I couldn't say I have a favorite. 

My mom always told me my sister was her favorite.  She always wanted a girl and she was her first girl.  Hence her favorite.  I'm still not sure how to take that.

Vertical15
by on May. 24, 2014 at 1:10 AM

 I've said things like "You are my favorite 6yo in the whole world!" to my 6yo.  Or "you are my favorite Kowen" to my youngest. 

Quoting momofsixangels:

I have said it to each child.lol.When they have helped around the house or told me they loved me

 

kerryket
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2014 at 7:57 AM
Tell each one secretly they're your favorite, I know I had to see that on a show or movie.
Hannahsmommy816
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2014 at 8:01 AM

 no but my dad told me I'm his favorite lol

graycalico
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2014 at 10:48 AM

how terrible.  I don't have a favorite.  I have a different dynamic with each one but I enjoy each one just as much.  Ive read that mom's favorite is often the one that needs the most.  I have a special needs son who takes a lot of time and extras and I hope my daughters know that they matter just as much to me as he does.  My mom had a favorite, it was obvious all through childhood and adulthood and was really hurtful.

graycalico
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2014 at 10:49 AM


Quoting sarahjz:

No, because it would be a lie.  I don't have a favorite.  I do have favorite ages though.  Some years are tougher than others.  :)

Very true!  I love it all right up until age 8 or so.  then the tween/teen years begin. lol

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 24, 2014 at 5:49 PM

I dont have a favorite I just think the bonds are different!  

JRSMOM0621
by on May. 24, 2014 at 5:51 PM

Favorite of my two boys? actually no lol But I do have a favorite niece and a favorite nephew out of my 3 nieces & 4 nephews. :( Do I feel bad?? yes but I spoil them all like crazy even though I am closer to my "favorites" because I was pregnant the same time their moms were with them.


Now my mother had a favorite and so did my grandparents... it wasnt me and I knew it right away. Hurt like a bitch.

Proud mommy of 1 special angel and 2 boys :-)
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