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emotinal affair while I am pregnant :(

Posted by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 1:40 PM
  • 18 Replies

I will spare you the long drama.

just a few key points. he has admitted he likes her ( this was 4 years ago)  he has kept a friendship with her for over 4 years.-

I never said they could not be friends, I am not the type of girl to do that stuff... even though I knew about their "friendship" and it made me jealous, I respected the friendship

last year he traded in his friendship.. for a friendship of mine ( the guy had a crush on me ) I was not to talk to the guy, and he would  stop talking to this girl.. at the time, it really sounded like a good compromise.

one year later, I am pregnant, and I  find out that he kept the friendship the whole time. i found out when his mom passed away. becuase she arrived at the funeral.. he SAID he hadnt invited her. that someone else did. and afterwards, he kept on talking to her and texting her..

last month, he left his phone in our car. I droped him off on my way to work, and had no time to go back and give it to him. I honestly.. WAS NOT going to look thruogh it.. he called me, he sounded panicky.. and asked me to turn off the phone and leave it in the car...

YEA RIGHT!!! of course I took it up to my office. and went through everyhting. he deletes ALL his messages. and  Iknow he deletes them because of her. I did find a picture sent thruogh whatsapp.. dated one month before his mom passed :(

I caught him. he has been lying to me since we made the deal. lying about it the whole time. not caring if it would eventually hurt my feelings or not.

she has a boyfriend, I really doubt there  is anything romantic going on betwee them. I KNOW it s just phone and email contact. he talks to her about me and our problems. and random stuff I guess.

he defends this friendship. but i know better, and I know its not just  friendship. he hasnt invited her to our house to hang out, like the rest of his friends. she is not even around for his birthday, they have no contact.. and  I know the rest of his friends, and.. well, she would have been invited to hang IF they were just friends.. but apparently, he needs to keep this friendship a secret from me.

so i confornted him almost right away, he deleted her picture, but.. so what, he deleted her contact when he promised. and that didnt prevent him form thinking of me when he carried on with the friendship. i asked him if he had told her how I feel about the friendship and he said yes.. wich made me get even more upset.. becausehe said she laughed it off saying thy are only friends. so I asked him, if he had tld her that he willingly admitted he liked her on the same day he asked me to be his girlfriend.. and he said no.

so I told him. I cant tell him to NOT be her friend.. because he promised it and it didnt stop him from doing it.. but thatf he wanted to be with me.. then he ahd to tell her the whole truth. ( that he liked her, and I cought him, and on that same day ahe asked me to be his girlfriend..) and he said he would.

he confessed becuase I read an email he ahd sent her, saying he spent entire days thinking of her... ( while i spent entires days thinking of him.. :( ) so I confronted him about it and he said they were just friends, i asked him if he liked her, and he said yes ( she is pretty and hs a nice body.. I dont ahve a nice body, I tend to be overweight...) ut that she didnt mean anythign to him.. bla bla bla and I believed him

I asked him a bout it, and he said he hasnt done it yet, becausee she hasnt called him.. WTF!!

i am so mad.  I regret beingwith him but at that point, I was so in love that nothing mattered. not even his confession to liking her. and when he promised he would cut off the friendship, he asked me to have a baby with him. we tried to cnceive for more than 10 months. i am 5 months pregnant, i found out about this whole thing, when I was 4 months. this means, while we wer etrying to conceive, he ahd an ongoing friendship with her. I can only picture him texting her while I was asleep. or at work, so Iwouldnt catch him. then deleting the messages..

I feel like I wasnt worth the effort. for him to stop that fiendship.. because he thinks she is hot. and I know it might be the hormones right now, but I cant stop thinking about it, and I ahte him, I just wanted to be happy, and have a happy pregnancy. and now I cant stop thinking he is talking to her while I am at work.. its really fucking up my pregnancy. i regret saying yes whn he proposed to have a baby with me .i have even looked into aborton, so I can just free myself from te situation.. but by the time I found out it was to late. besides.. i honsetly would never do something like that..

he is making an effort to comply to everything I say.. but I dont think I even want to forgive him this time.. and now there is a baby involved :( why couldnt he be honest from the start!! he was friends with her for yuears, and I never said anything.. but now I feel i have the right to be upset because he had promised he would stop.. and he didnt.

sorry if its long. I jusst needed to vent. i feel stuck. when we agreed to hae a baby, he promised me he would give me a happy pregnancy.. and finding all this out.. ahsnt been happy. I regret forgiving him so many times. I feel I should have just walked away form the relationship, the day I read the email.. but I guess now its to late.

at what point would YOU be uncomfortable if this were your hubby??

at what time would the situation become unacceptable?

CafeMom Tickers
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 1:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
x_Starr_x
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 1:45 PM
emotional or not I feel cheating is cheating emotional may be thew worst his heart is supposed to be yours. I'd give him a ultimatum.
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gizmo538
by Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 1:51 PM

 It's passed the point of unacceptable. An emotional affair is still cheating IMO.

AleaKat
by Bronze Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 2:21 PM

id be more forgiving if it was meaningless sex than him having feelings for her. im not in this for his penis im in this for his heart. an emotional affair would hurt way worse!.

Itzy0ll0tl
by Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 2:41 PM

it does-- :(

i try to be more positive. but on days like this one.. its nearly imposible


Quoting AleaKat:

id be more forgiving if it was meaningless sex than him having feelings for her. im not in this for his penis im in this for his heart. an emotional affair would hurt way worse!.


 

anotherhalf
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

The situation would be unacceptable to me at this point.  I would move on, have the baby, and co-parent, but I would no longer be his second choice.

AleaKat
by Bronze Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 3:08 PM
My best friends husband had an affair he openly told her if it weren't for the kids he would wanna be with the other woman... And she stayed!
Ill never understand that.


Quoting Itzy0ll0tl:

it does-- :(


i try to be more positive. but on days like this one.. its nearly imposible




Quoting AleaKat:


id be more forgiving if it was meaningless sex than him having feelings for her. im not in this for his penis im in this for his heart. an emotional affair would hurt way worse!.




 

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johnny4ever
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I feel that emoitonal cheating is cheating..period.He deletes everything so you cant find out!But....do you both share the same phone service?You can look up online who is calling him and who he is calling!

mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 5:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry you are going through this. 

catrig
by Silver Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I'm sorry your so is acting like a jerk. I think that you need to draw a hard line.
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20Keller12
by on Mar. 3, 2013 at 2:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I would tell him that what he's doing is upsetting you and stressing you out, and that isn't good for the baby so he needs to come clean, be honest and quit talking to this chick for good or you're going to move out (not necessarily divorce, just move out), until he decides who he wants because he can't have both of you.
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