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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Your mom?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
Ok so I have an issue with my mom..
My mom and I have always been best friends, like sisters and extremely close.
Over the last few years my dad has had to work overseas, around the same time he moved overseas I moved in with my now husband.
My mom now goes out a lot, teaches a gym class and works out all the time. She shows interest in my life and my sons life but not nearly as much as I thought she would. If she has something else going on she's more inclined to do that than be with her husband, me or my son(her grandson). I am sure I know why she is going through this. She was a sahm and we were her life.. Everyone left at the same time and now she is living her own life and focusing on herself.. But it's drastic. She now acts conceded and acts as if she is most important. I try to have a conversation with her and all she says is "yeahhhh" and "ooohhhhhh" nothing and quickly changes the subject to her classes, her students or her friends. I'm at the point now where I want to say something to her but don't know how. I don't know how to approach her without her getting upset and her feelings hurt. I'm heartbroken.. She's not my mom anymore.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amazzonia
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this

You should try talking to her and express your feelings, she still loves you, she's probably reacting to all the changes she had in her life all together. Tell her that you miss having her around and you wold like to haver closer to your son 

anotherhalf
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 6:26 PM
2 moms liked this
She finally got her own life. Be happy for her. If you need a best friend, look elsewhere. She gave you her youth now let her have her freedom without guilting her. She still loves you like a mother but your roles are evolving.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:23 PM
That's why I haven't said anything to her.
I just feel like she will regret being there for her grandson. I'm not the type to have people around me all the time- I'm an introvert- and I complain to my mom ab my MIL just showing up at my house uninvited with no call or anything.. But I just want her in my life more. I don't want to hear about her drinking and going out all the time. Makes me sick


Quoting anotherhalf:

She finally got her own life. Be happy for her. If you need a best friend, look elsewhere. She gave you her youth now let her have her freedom without guilting her. She still loves you like a mother but your roles are evolving.

catrig
by Silver Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:10 PM
Try doing activities with her.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:53 PM
I do.. I just did yesterday and she said I "would but I'm going to a class at the gym.. I NEED to"



Quoting catrig:

Try doing activities with her.

ahleesha14
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:19 PM

Try and tell her how you are feeling. 

TrouserMouse
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:52 PM

I am kind of torn on this, but the purpose of parents is to raise their kids to be independent beings.  She is expecting that of you and focusing on herself after dedicating many years of her life to doing what a parent should do.  It may be hurtful because the relationship has changed, but it is a change that is supposed to happen.  Heck, I talk to my dad only a few times a year and we have a great relationship for the most part.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this

"she's not your mom anymore"  ?? Really? Why not? Because you are not front and center of her attention? Are you disowning her for not living up to what YOU think she should be doing?

Would you prefer she followed you around, baked cookies all day and wore an apron? Went to every boring school play and babysat your son constantly?

What are you trying to have a conversation with her about? Your friends, your son, your husband, your job? Has to be.

What is your response when she talks about her friends, her classes, her students? "yeahhh, oooohhhh" I bet, right? Pretended interest about people you don't know?

You make it sound like a bad thing that she has her own life now. Do you mean it that way are or you just a selfish twit?

Here's the thing. You are grown with a family of your own. If you really miss her, do something on her terms! Go to a class, go to the gym, see her at work, express interest in her new life!

After 20 years of raising kids and being a SAHM, leave the woman alone! She doesn't express the amount of interest you think she should in your new family?

So she's not meeting your expectations?

She deserves a life!

SAHM long enough to raise you, obviously. And you disown her because she isn't meeting your expectations.

Maybe your self-centered attitude is what's causing her lack of interest.

liliem
by Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:09 PM

I say you leave her alone and let her get her turn. It was your turn and your siblings and dads turn her whole life, now its her turn. Let her have her turn... Sooner or later she will get it all out and it will be your turn again. Don't go and burst her bubble just yet, she doesn't owe you anything anymore, but you have a lot of paying back to do. I wish my parents would do what they really want. They are so attached to their families to a fault. I just bought my dad some yoga classes to try and get him to focus more on himself. I figured him and my mom can take turns taking the classes, or start going together. I will help them focus on themselves for once in their lives and stop always focusing on others. If you want to spend time with her, intice her to, or have a heart to heart.. leave any negative feelings away from her and be happy for her and deal with your feelings because you are obviously feeling a little abandoned, as she probably felt when everyone left. But those are your emotions that you should deal with and heal from.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:55 PM
Actually I'm friendly with all of her friends and know them well.
I'm not disowning her- I'm saying she doesn't act like my mom anymore, like she's not the person I knew 2 years ago!
I'm happy for her.
But this is causing conversation about divorce between my parents, it's more than I just posted earlier but feel I don't need to explain every little detail.
I'm not being mean about her. I just see her, she's always exhausted.. She's running herself down, not eating, working out, her image is everything.. And she was the most humble person.
Try not to make crazy accusations on what I say to her, or in general. She has no clue I even feel this way.. At all! Not one clue. I never say anything.. Ever. I'm extremely passive.


Quoting Anonymous:

"she's not your mom anymore"  ?? Really? Why not? Because you are not front and center of her attention? Are you disowning her for not living up to what YOU think she should be doing?


Would you prefer she followed you around, baked cookies all day and wore an apron? Went to every boring school play and babysat your son constantly?


What are you trying to have a conversation with her about? Your friends, your son, your husband, your job? Has to be.


What is your response when she talks about her friends, her classes, her students? "yeahhh, oooohhhh" I bet, right? Pretended interest about people you don't know?


You make it sound like a bad thing that she has her own life now. Do you mean it that way are or you just a selfish twit?


Here's the thing. You are grown with a family of your own. If you really miss her, do something on her terms! Go to a class, go to the gym, see her at work, express interest in her new life!


After 20 years of raising kids and being a SAHM, leave the woman alone! She doesn't express the amount of interest you think she should in your new family?


So she's not meeting your expectations?


She deserves a life!


SAHM long enough to raise you, obviously. And you disown her because she isn't meeting your expectations.


Maybe your self-centered attitude is what's causing her lack of interest.


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