I have been with my husband 23 years. He is for the most part a fantastic guy. (99% of the time he is a gem) My friends joke there will be a long line to take my place if I would ever be so silly as to leave him. The issue is my birthday or lack of my birthday.
My husbands birthday is a few days before mine. My adult and teen childrens are within days of mine. I always make sure they all have a fantastic day. They get spoiled rotten. I invite all the family over for a celebration for each one of them and they get great gifts.
When we were younger money was very tight. I always splurged on my husband birthday and made sure I was all set for the kids. There frequently was no $ left for mine. I didn't like it but I didn't complain. We have $ for all these things at this point in life.
I had mentioned to my husband over the weekend we had to slow down the spending a bit AFTER all the birthdays because we had just sent his folks on an anniversary trip, and would be spending a lot on all these birthdays. I wanted to make sure we were putting away enough $ for another goal. He knows we have the $. I wouldnt care if I got a $10 gift as long as it was personal.
So here comes my birthday. My teenager has the flu ( poor kid). My adult son called and said happy birthday. I know dh has made no plans to take me out because he hasn't mentioned it. He comes home and hands me a card and a can of Walgreens brand almonds! Serioulsy??????? I was not happy.
I couldn't help it and got mad and started crying. He then proceeded to get mad saying I said we had to cut back on spending. I pointed out that conversation has not stopped him from spending $100 on himself on Saturday. Plain and simple he was tired and lazy after work and stopped at the darn drug store and grabbed almonds and a card. It turned into a big arguement. When I mentioned that the least he could have done was take me to dinner he said it wouldn't have mattered because our son had the flu. Still he could have planned something even if we had to cancel. Plain and simple again he doesn't like doing anything after work but chill.
He then blamed it on the fact we had a family emergency the day before when he had planned to do his shopping. Ummm you could still do it after work the day of my birthday or do things further in advance like I do. He absolutely can not see why this upsets me so much. Like he said it is a birthday Not the second coming of Christ.
Two days later I am still angry and hurt. Just once I would like to have a nice birthday. Mine was lost when I married a man and has children who all have birthdays within a few days of mine. I am hurt and angry that my birthday is not special. I have been over this the last couple years with my husband. How can a man that is usually so considerate be such a jerk and not get this when I have made it clear as day for several years I want a birthday!!!
I am not one to hold grudges. I usually and forgiving and forgetting 10 minutes later and happy as a clam again. I just can't seem to shake hurt for some reason. I rarely cry and my eyes still look horrible from crying over this. I feel irrational because the man is good to me 99% of the time but always messes up my flunks out on my birthday. I should be looking at the other 99% of the time. He said fine next year don't do anything for my birthday and I won't care. i told him it wasn't about him and I do care. I have pointed this out multiple times. Seriously pick up a cake and a decent present!!!!!! Seriously he is great at Christmas so I know he can do it. He doesn't have to do anniversarys because we don't do gifts. We always take a weekend away.
I decided next year on my birthday I will be leaving town for the day and going to a spa or something. I will be doing something just for me. Also since my husband doesn't believe birthdays are important for the 1st time in 23 years I will be skipping his next year. Well I am going to try to make myself be that mean. Had my son not been sick i would have left for the night. I was that mad. I have never done that before.
Any advice? I have never actually felt hurt or angry at my husband for a few days ike this before.