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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Am I overreacting? Or was this completely out of line?

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:05 AM
  • 55 Replies

So I know I ranted just yesterday about FB. 

BUT something happened to me yesterday and I can't help but share this with you ladies. Just to get a feel for WHAT you think. 

I was at work stocking the cooler when my boss came in. He asked me why I'd taken off on the 20th because there was a problem. Two other people had requested that same time months in advance. I told him that my parents were going out of town and that no one would be around to watch my kids. Instead of there being any drama I just figured I'd request off. So he asks me "Just curious how old are your kids?"  

"11 about to be 12 in July and 9, but my 9 year old has some behavioral issues and I don't feel comfortable with him home alone with only his brother," I say 

And he comes back saying "Yea, I have a 14 year old and 13 year old. One of them has ADD, ADHD AND Autism!(is that even posible?) Your kids are plenty old enough to stay home by themselves while you work. You have to give them some Independence. Don't be such a helicopter parent!" 

I was in total shock and said back "Uh, I am not a helicopter parent!" 

He reiterated it again "I think you ARE a helicopter parent." 

Then left the cooler instantly. I'm really rather pissed off and insulted by the whole thing. It is one thing to tell me that I can't take the time off because it wont work out for the company. It is a whole other matter to tell me that I cannot take the time off and then tell me how to parent my child and insult me! 

I'm seriously considering contacting HR. Think I'm overreacting?


by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Glitchtastic
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:11 AM

BUMP!

momof4boys1girl
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:15 AM
That's nuts... You are the only one responsible if anything goes wrong and you know your kids best. If they aren't ready to stay home alone you would know. I would talk to your boss first but if he blows you off, I would talk to HR.
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Lovemybaby551
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:17 AM
2 moms liked this

Your not overreacting. Its your decision on how old your children are when you leave them alone, not his. I dont see you as being a "helicopter parent", I would not leave my kids that age alone either

Talienas
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:18 AM
1 mom liked this
That was very out of line and those ages are too young. Maybe an hour after school but not while you are at work and to be so rude and opinionated was also over the line.
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Glitchtastic
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:25 AM

He's pretty aggressive just overall. Approaching him sounds terrible. v.v Maybe I'm just being a baby though. lol

Quoting momof4boys1girl:

That's nuts... You are the only one responsible if anything goes wrong and you know your kids best. If they aren't ready to stay home alone you would know. I would talk to your boss first but if he blows you off, I would talk to HR.


momof4boys1girl
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:38 AM
Quite honestly I don't know how you held it together. Kudos to you. I am too hotheaded when it comes to my kids/parenting. I probably would have gotten fired if I didn't quit at the end of my tirade. lol If he is unapproachable, talk to HR. You don't want to try to work there with these feelings hanging in the air.


Quoting Glitchtastic:

He's pretty aggressive just overall. Approaching him sounds terrible. v.v Maybe I'm just being a baby though. lol

Quoting momof4boys1girl:

That's nuts... You are the only one responsible if anything goes wrong and you know your kids best. If they aren't ready to stay home alone you would know. I would talk to your boss first but if he blows you off, I would talk to HR.



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psych_mom
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:10 AM

I am not sure if it is possible for his one child to get those three diagnoses together, but let me say this- the only difference between ADD and ADHD is that with ADHD a child is hyper and has issues focusing (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and with ADD they are not hyper (Attention Deficit Disorder), so honestly, I would have explained this to him because that is just how I am.

I can understand your hesitation with leaving your 9 year old with your 11 year old. If something happened you would be held responsible for your children's actions. Also, most states have laws regulating this (check them out). Regardless if your 9 year old had behavioral problems, the stakes are still to high and it is not his place to tell you how to parent.

Karens_Lockets
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:21 AM

Depending on what State you are in, there are laws against leaving kids home alone. I think it is 14 in Illinois, where I am. He has no right to comment on your parenting but I don't know that it is really an HR issue, unfortunately. If other people requested the day off first, you will likely not get the day off, regardless of the reason. Some employers just aren't flexible. Your best bet is to make other arrangements for the kids or see if there is someone else that can work for you. Do you have any family or friends that could help you out for the day?

Good luck!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this
You were nicer than I would have been. I would have told him, boss or not, to mind his own business. I'd take that incident to HR.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Actually, my twin boys have ADHD and Asperger's (high functioning autism).  They actually tend to walk hand in hand (the afflictions, not the boys, lol) more than you think.  Often times, an ADHD person also has a milder form of autism that goes undetected because the symptoms are so similar.  But, my boys just started college and that really brought out things I had been seeing for years.  But, the subtly of them made me believe it was only the ADHD.

As to your situation, nobody knows your kids like you do.  And, if your son has issues to the point you don't feel comfortable leaving him with his older brother, then, don't do it.  Your manager has no idea what issues your kids have.  He has no right to tell you to leave your kids home alone.  He CAN tell you that you need to be at work.  And, he CAN fire you if you don't come in.  But, he CAN'T tell you and/or require you to leave your kids alone.

Kids grow up at different rates, even within the same household.

My oldest was babysitting her younger sister and evenings for neighbors by the time she was 11.  My younger dd, didn't have that maturity till she was 13.

My twin boys, I didn't feel comfortable leaving them home alone until they were 14.  And, even then I worried.  They are 20 now.  And, when I go out of town, I still stress.  But, moms do that.  LOL.

As I said in the beginning...you know your kids.  Don't let some employer bully you into making bad decisions for YOUR family.  You do what YOU need to do for YOUR benefit.  Not your employer's.

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