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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Stepson!

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:47 PM
  • 17 Replies

No matter how hard i try i just cannot bond with my stepson!  His very presence annoys me.  We have him every other weekend and when that weekend is approaching I get depressed and miserable. I am actually very fortunate because he is not a bad kid. It's just his personality that drives me crazy! He whines, cries and is afraid of everything. If I even start to correct him he starts to cry! That causes a problem because it makes me even more mad when he does that so i avoid correcting him! It's so frustrating. We can't go camping, we can't go to haunted houses or to the beach because he is afraid of everything! I finally started just taking my 2 kids and it sucks because we are a split family. He and his dad stay home & we go have fun.  I just have no idea what to do. I have tried to talk to my husband about it but that is a very difficult thing to do. The last thing i want to do is hurt him because that IS his child! Yet I get so irritable and depressed when he is around that sometimes I know he has to see it and he's smart enough to know why!

I'm not expecting any answers here. I just needed to vent because it's hard to vent to my friends or family about this. I dont want them to think I am some awful person because he is just a kid. Sometimes I do feel like an awful person because I AM the adult and I should be handling this better!

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovemyairman150
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:51 PM
1 mom liked this
No, I would say tough shit, he's going. The child does NOT dictate what the family does. how old is he? Cause if he's 10 or older, I'd say he doesn't have to go in the water at the ocean, but hes going. doesn't have to go in the haunted house he can wait outside, and camping there is nothing to be afraid of, he's too young to stay home.
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lovemyairman150
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:52 PM
I'm really curious as to how old he is. Because even if he is younger than 10, you could still do those things.
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moore1989
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:00 PM

He's 8. And I agree completely that it should be a 'too bad, you're going!' thing but that doesn't work out well because he will just sit there and cry! We never used to do things until i started realizing it wasnt fair to my kids. And it probably hits a sore spot with me even more because my 2 who are 10 and 11 aren't afraid of anything! It's such a tough situation.

Here are some examples: we went to the Arch in St Louis-he cried because he was afraid in the pod on the way up. We went to an aquarium and they put us in a simulated shark tank, no where near real sharks - there was a video and the tank shook. He freaked.We went to the beach & he was afraid because the sand was washing out from under his feet when the put them in the water. We were outside lighing jack o lanterns and a coyote howled - far away - and he freaked and started crying!

I'm at my wits end!!!!

psych_mom
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like he may need some counseling. Did the phobias start after the his dad and mom split? It makes me wonder if there is an undiagnosed mental disorder. Extreme phobias in children even are not normal.

moore1989
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:56 PM
Apparently he's always been like this according to both of his parents. My husband keeps telling me he was the same way. I work with social workers & psychologists & I've talked to them in great detail about it. Obviously more than I'm able to go into on here! I was telling them he also clings to every new person he meets & they suggested an attachment disorder? Idk. I've told his dad I think he needs counseling but he blows me off. I'm not going to push. I can imagine its hard for my husband to see or accept that his son is that way. My best friend used to babysit him before I even met his dad so he was about 4 - she used to tell me things about him all of the time & I didn't believe her.
Anyway, I'm in a tough spot because I can't really push the issue yet there's obviously a problem and something should be done.
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psych_mom
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:06 PM

Definitely something out of the ordinary going on. Attachment disorder doesn't explain the phobias, but it would explain the clingyness. Attachment disorder could be a part of a larger disorder.

Quoting moore1989:

Apparently he's always been like this according to both of his parents. My husband keeps telling me he was the same way. I work with social workers & psychologists & I've talked to them in great detail about it. Obviously more than I'm able to go into on here! I was telling them he also clings to every new person he meets & they suggested an attachment disorder? Idk. I've told his dad I think he needs counseling but he blows me off. I'm not going to push. I can imagine its hard for my husband to see or accept that his son is that way. My best friend used to babysit him before I even met his dad so he was about 4 - she used to tell me things about him all of the time & I didn't believe her.
Anyway, I'm in a tough spot because I can't really push the issue yet there's obviously a problem and something should be done.


CherrieFaeries
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:02 PM

Poor little guy. He definitely needs some form of counseling. There's something underlying here and there's nothing to be ashamed of. I know it's hard to accept that your child needs counseling but if nothing else is working...good luck!

moore1989
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:11 PM
I think its especially hard for the parent themselves to see in their own child. I myself suffer from bipolar which means my children may at some point also. I am always paying close attention to their behavior because if they do exhibit anything concerning I will look into it. I think my husband just has a hard time accepting that something may be 'wrong' with his son. I keep telling him that its not wrong & we all have issues and the best thing to do is to face them & deal with them but for some reason when it comes to his son he refuses.
It puts quite a burden on me & creates a lot of frustration because I basically have to 'suffer in silence.'
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moore1989
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:12 PM
And btw - I really appreciate all of the support. I thought maybe id be seen as the bad guy & receive a lot of negativity but that hasn't been the case. Thank you
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:13 PM

Ask him what he wants to do.  If you want to bond with him you have to do something he wants to do.  One weekend that he is there just go out the two of you and do what he wants to do.  If you do correct him just explain to him that it is ok but this is the proper way of doing it and it is nothing to get upset about. If you think something will scare him tell him that something may scare him but it won't hurt him that way he is expecting it.  

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