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So tired of hearing how discipline is abusive.....

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 9:54 AM
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I keep reading posts on cafe mom or hearing things about parents being abusive because they are washing their mouths out with soap or a child is getting spanked.  I got my mouth washed out with soap when I was little, I got hot sauce or pepper on my tongue for saying bad words, I also got spankings (sometimes with a belt) - when it was warranted. I am 32 years old and I am just fine.  My husband and I plan on giving our daughter spankings, if we feel that she needs it.  We were both given spankings and did not take it at abuse, nor are we traumatized, today, because of them.  Sometimes fussing or a slap on the hand/wrist does not always work.  It seems that parents, today, let their children be in charge, almost like they are scared of them.  Whatever happened to good old fashioned discipline?  Why are parents today so afraid to give their children spankings, like we received as children?  When I was in Grammar School, they had other schools and Jr. Highs that gave out spankings in school. 

confused

*EDIT*  I GUESS I NEED TO EDIT THIS POST TO CLARIFY, BECAUSE SOME ARE TAKING IT THE WRONG WAY.  I MEAN DISCIPLINE IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM; PHYSICAL OR VERBAL. 

by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 9:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Apr. 6, 2013 at 9:59 AM
I was spanked with a belt with metal studs. It left welts. Some forms are abusive (like the man whipping his daughters with a cord). Some people will call anything abuse.
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Paigesmommy78
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:02 AM
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I agree with you but spanking doesn't always work and that fine as long there is some kinda of discipline going on then fine what I don't get is the ones that don't do anything
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Diane1223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:02 AM

I think I had welts, once, but not on a regular basis.  I think that some people are just afraid that they will get arrested if they spank their child; It's a shame that parents have to be afraid to discipline. 


Quoting ColleenF30:

I was spanked with a belt with metal studs. It left welts. Some forms are abusive (like the man whipping his daughters with a cord). Some people will call anything abuse.



livelaughlov26
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:04 AM
7 moms liked this
Maybe because some of us are intelligent enough to come up with more effective ways to discipline that don't require hitting. Hitting does not equal discipline.
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psych_mom
by Gold Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:04 AM
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There is a difference between disciplining a child and abusing a child. If you leave a bruise during a spanking then that line has been crossed because you are hitting the child too hard. If you scrub your kid's mouth with a sponge and call them names while doing it, that like has been crossed. My kids behave very well, do well in school and are very respectful to adults- never once have I had to scrub their mouths out with a dish sponge and call them names to get them to be this way. Never once have I had to spank them to teach them manners (I have had to swat their butts when they were little, but never to the extent of being harmful). My children are not perfect, but I do not fear them and they know I will not hesitate to punish them. They get grounded from things they enjoy doing and that seems to work wonders- much better than spanking them ever would.

Diane1223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:04 AM
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True, spanking doesn't always work...but it seems pretty effective on many kids.  I can't stand when I see parents let their kids get away with murder. 


Quoting Paigesmommy78:

I agree with you but spanking doesn't always work and that fine as long there is some kinda of discipline going on then fine what I don't get is the ones that don't do anything



Diane1223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:07 AM
6 moms liked this

Just because you choose to discipline in the form of spanking does not mean that you lack intelligence; It means that sometimes that is the only form that is effective for your child.  Words, grounding, taking toys away, etc., does not always work. 


Quoting livelaughlov26:

Maybe because some of us are intelligent enough to come up with more effective ways to discipline that don't require hitting. Hitting does not equal discipline.



Diane1223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:12 AM


I do realize that their is a difference between spanking and abuse, but to some parents any form of spanking, even if it does not leave a bruise or mark, is considered abuse.  I don't agree with scrubbing your child's mouth with a soapy sponge, but washing their mouths out will not kill them.  I got grounded as a child from things, too, sometimes it worked for me and sometimes it didn't.  Swatting is still considered a spanking, and a spanking doesn't have to be harmful and leave a mark, welt or bruise.  I would never spank my child to that point, either. 

Quoting psych_mom:

There is a difference between disciplining a child and abusing a child. If you leave a bruise during a spanking then that line has been crossed because you are hitting the child too hard. If you scrub your kid's mouth with a sponge and call them names while doing it, that like has been crossed. My kids behave very well, do well in school and are very respectful to adults- never once have I had to scrub their mouths out with a dish sponge and call them names to get them to be this way. Never once have I had to spank them to teach them manners (I have had to swat their butts when they were little, but never to the extent of being harmful). My children are not perfect, but I do not fear them and they know I will not hesitate to punish them. They get grounded from things they enjoy doing and that seems to work wonders- much better than spanking them ever would.



anotherhalf
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:30 AM
I agree that children need discipline but it doesn't have to be physical to be effective. I don't spank or do any other physical punishment and my child is very well mannered.
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romalove
by New Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:33 AM
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Quoting Diane1223:

I think I had welts, once, but not on a regular basis.  I think that some people are just afraid that they will get arrested if they spank their child; It's a shame that parents have to be afraid to discipline. 


Quoting ColleenF30:

I was spanked with a belt with metal studs. It left welts. Some forms are abusive (like the man whipping his daughters with a cord). Some people will call anything abuse.



You are confusing physical punishment with discipline.

Discipline is teaching a child appropriate behavior.  Physical punishment is the means some parents use to teach.  

Discipline is important for all children.  It is not necessary to use physical punishment as the means to do the teaching.

I have three kids, 27, 24, and 17, and do not hit with belts and other than a couple of times smacking my son on the butt when he was small (he laughed at me, sigh) discipline took forms of carrot and stick reward systems, holding children close to me if they were not in control of themselves when small, etc.  Denial of privileges....there are many ways to teach children without showing them you can smack them.

And hitting with a belt is abuse as far as I am concerned.

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