I have anxiety issues. I manage it by my house being off limits to anyone but dh and the kids. You could say its my haven. The obvious exceptions are our maintenance folks and the manager at our biannual inspections.
But even before that, I NEVER opened the door when I was alone. Just never has worked out to my advantage if you kwim. So every time I get a knock at the door I cower like a little beaten puppy in a corner. Not a joke. I'm told its a sign of PTSD but my dr said I just have anxiety.
Well I FINALLY after 2 years living in this new apartment felt safe on my deck and the outside stairs (sweeping up the tree droppings cause they smelled). Yesterday was a good day. I planned (and was looking forward to) going out onto the green and getting dirt for ds' soda bottle green house.
Then today some tall black guy with a clipboard rang our bell. Dh rings the bell when he comes home. (Though he shouldn't now that I think about it) ds beelined for the door to open it. I freaked and screamed "no" and relocated the door fast.
Remember how I said I cower? It's also to make them think I'm not home. I don't make a sound. This guy KNEW we were home and kept ringing the bell. It's been an hour and I'm still shaking.
Fuck whoever that was. It wasn't a cop or anyone from my apartment and its a Saturday. So either some guy selling something, or a creditor trying to threaten me with a lawsuit. (A fake one, since they can't legally sue me).
Just dammit. I'm terrified of going out because I have this image of him lurking in the bushes (ridiculous I know but still).
Thanks I needed that vent.