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Where did "I" go

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies
My husband is away from home for work, military, and hasn't been home for 6 months, he's not deployed or anything, he's just on temporary assignment so we can't live with him right now and we don't have the money to visit.

He doesn't feel he should have to call or write or keep up any communication. If I call him he will tell me he doesn't want to talk. If I text him he's too busy to respond (I'm very careful to only text him when I know he's not working. He's busy hanging with friends etc.)

In the midst of this I have turned into a crazy lady. I will end up in tears and depressed like he is in control of my happiness. I snap more easily at my son and I'll sit debating whether or not it's worth getting up in the morning.

I'm having difficulty making friends where we live right now and I feel like I'm hanging on to strings dangling over a cliff. I have literal physical pain from the rejection and I don't know how to get over it.

My husband has always been a little hard to communicate with, it's just who he is, but now he'll go two weeks without calling me. I know he loves me and he's not cheating on me, but none of our conversations are pleasant anymore when I finally do get him to talk and it's hard not to feel unloved. I feel like the military has robbed me of any emotional intimacy with my husband. I'm trying so hard to be supportive of him. But with all the negative energy from my family while he is away, I just need him to show a little love.

Not asking for a fix, just ranting.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaAjax
by Bronze Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:47 PM

I am sorry hugs

It is strange that he's on assignment and you can't move with him. Even if it's non-deployment, moving is a personal choice. Now you might not be able to live on base or have it subsidized, but still.

Have you thought about maybe handing the kids off to grandparents, and going to visit him? That might help your feelings.  

bluelace777
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:16 PM

That's rough, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. How long until he comes back home?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:19 PM
He's still at a school. We could have moved personally but he doesn't want me to ad I can't very well move 3000 miles without his permission, it's really expensive. I really want to go visit him but plane tickets alone are 5-700 dollars


Quoting MamaAjax:

I am sorry hugs

It is strange that he's on assignment and you can't move with him. Even if it's non-deployment, moving is a personal choice. Now you might not be able to live on base or have it subsidized, but still.

Have you thought about maybe handing the kids off to grandparents, and going to visit him? That might help your feelings.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:22 PM
He is still "a" school and they haven't given him a number. They keep saying "it depends." He won't fight for us.

I'm scared to spend the money to move (they won't help us with expenses because he is "unaccompanied") and then they'll move him in two or three months and I'll have spent all our savings on a stupid whim. Would that I had moved 6 months ago.


Quoting bluelace777:

That's rough, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. How long until he comes back home?


bluelace777
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:24 PM

I'm not getting a good impression about your husband. Personally I wouldn't do anything major like spend your savings just to see him if he doesn't want you to. Something has to be up. Has he acted like this before?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:29 PM
He's always been quiet, and liked his own space. I just don't feel like I'm taking up that much of it asking for a short phone call every day.

I more blame the fact that he's surrounded by single men, most 5-8 years younger than him with no family and no responsibilities. Men without wives really can in some instance encourage neglect.




Quoting bluelace777:

I'm not getting a good impression about your husband. Personally I wouldn't do anything major like spend your savings just to see him if he doesn't want you to. Something has to be up. Has he acted like this before?


bluelace777
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:17 PM

If he is hanging out with his friends often, there is no reason why he can't spare a few minutes to call or text you. I would send him a text now to let him know how you are feeling. He needs to treat you better. I do understand that sometimes hanging with single guys sort of promotes neglect.

catrig
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:21 PM
I would be pissed.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
liliem
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:23 PM

If that was my husband and he wasn't meeting my needs, I would let him know. If he continues to neglect me, I would move on to better things. I would never be a doormat to anyone, and I couldn't be in your situtation. I would feel the same and I couldn't get over it. Even if I ended up waiting it out, I would freak out at the thought of him ever leaving me again. Does he not want to hear how his little one is doing? Sounds so strange... 

aodom323
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:40 PM
1 mom liked this

My fiance has trouble communicating to.  I feel that when I am getting overwhelmed like you are I write out a letter to him.  I can collect all my thoughts then and tel him how I really feel without interruption.  Try sending him a letter with how you feel and maybe that will help.

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