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I just want him to care

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies
Is that too much to ask for? We don't talk at all. If I'm upset, he doesn't really care. If I'm sad, he doesn't ask why. If I try talking to him about my feelings, he just shuts me out. Its like I'm a nobody to him. We were so happy in the beginning and there was so much going on in my life. He was so supportive and always there for me. I lost several close family members and close friends, my son went through some major scary health problems, and he was there. I don't even know this person I am married to anymore. He says I have pushed him away and that its my fault. BUt I just want my best friend back.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2013 at 5:02 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:32 AM

well, HE has to want it too, and it doesn't sound like he does, nor does it sound like he even has interest in you either...People change, it's the way life is.  He changed in a way that is not supportive of the family he chose to create, now YOU are the one stuck...Time to start doing for YOU and the baby, and forget that loser of a husband, because it sounds like all he does is blame you for everything.  Don't you think you'd be better off without him?

psych_mom
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:54 AM

Question- while he was there for you, did you say thank you and always show him that you appreciated him? Did you return the favor when needed? Ask him what you did to push him away and really listen to what he says and then see if it is something you two can work through. Don't continue to push him farther away by ignoring him more and only doing for you and your child, that doesn't show you care and want to work this out.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:31 AM

Yes I did. I let him know how much I appreciated him being there for me. I was also there for him and dropped everything when he had a few family crisis and almost lost his dad twice. I have been there for him when he was in a severe accident that had him hospitalized for a long time and then bed ridden for some time after that. I handled his business and everything to make sure everything kept running. I took care of him, did everything he needed me to do and asked me to do. I supported him in every decision he made whether I agreed with him or not. When I ask him whay I did to push him away, he can never givfe me a specific reason. I would love to have a reason so I can fix it if its something that can be fixed. I just don't know what to do any more. I love him so much but if I'm just making him miserable, I don't see a while lot of choices.

Quoting psych_mom:

Question- while he was there for you, did you say thank you and always show him that you appreciated him? Did you return the favor when needed? Ask him what you did to push him away and really listen to what he says and then see if it is something you two can work through. Don't continue to push him farther away by ignoring him more and only doing for you and your child, that doesn't show you care and want to work this out.


psych_mom
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:35 AM

Hmmm... it sounds as if you did what you needed to do when he needed you to do it. I am sorry that he is treating you this way now. Would he do marriage counseling?

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I did. I let him know how much I appreciated him being there for me. I was also there for him and dropped everything when he had a few family crisis and almost lost his dad twice. I have been there for him when he was in a severe accident that had him hospitalized for a long time and then bed ridden for some time after that. I handled his business and everything to make sure everything kept running. I took care of him, did everything he needed me to do and asked me to do. I supported him in every decision he made whether I agreed with him or not. When I ask him whay I did to push him away, he can never givfe me a specific reason. I would love to have a reason so I can fix it if its something that can be fixed. I just don't know what to do any more. I love him so much but if I'm just making him miserable, I don't see a while lot of choices.

Quoting psych_mom:

Question- while he was there for you, did you say thank you and always show him that you appreciated him? Did you return the favor when needed? Ask him what you did to push him away and really listen to what he says and then see if it is something you two can work through. Don't continue to push him farther away by ignoring him more and only doing for you and your child, that doesn't show you care and want to work this out.



catrig
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:22 PM

How does he explain this?

madwifa
by Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 7:55 AM
sorry I know your sadness. Dh and I go here sometimes then I throw a fit sorta and treat him the same way he will always ask me what is up? i say I thought this is how you like it. He will say mo and then I tell him how his actions make me think and feel. He will respond and I always mirror back what I think or hear him say so noone is on a different page.
Marriage is hard at times.
Good luck
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