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We are struggling and I am tired of it!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies

My MIL and FIL run a very small business.  It's labor work.  DH has worked for them his entire life.  Unfortunately, his job is not cutting it for us now that we're married and starting a family.  Here is why:

About 70% of the work FIL takes are federal jobs for the government.  You obviously have to have special clearance to get in those places.  Only FIL and one of his employees have the clearance.  So, unless FIL has a side job going on, there is no work for DH, his brother, or the fourth employee.  What it boils down to is about four or five months, spread out throughout the year, of consistent work for DH. 

MIL and FIL pay every single one of BIL's bills.  However, they also give him a $400- $500 check per week for doing literally NOTHING.  I am not exaggerating and wish I was.  Because MIL lives beyond her means (And is having to support BIL fully, on top of their bills) the business account runs low quickly.  MIL and FIL live paycheck to paycheck.  Well, when the account gets really low (At least once or twice a MONTH), MIL tells me we will have to wait on DH's check because she always pays BIL first.  Even though, DH really does work on jobs and BIL does not leave his neighborhood.  Period.  We've always just bitten our tongues and let it slide.  But, last week, DH said, "Why am I having to wait on my check, again?  I've got bills that no one is going to pay for me and I need money.  My brother doesn't work at all, why is he getting paid?"  MIL looked at DH and said, "It's only because of the baby.  He has a baby and that's why I do what I do."  Wtf?!  His baby is on WIC and all of their necessities are paid for (rent, power, water bill, cell phones, car insurance, etc.) DH and I are TTC and do not have a child yet.  So, apparently, we do not deserve our hard-earned money. 

Obviously, when I do actually have a viable pregnancy, I want to be able to fully support my child financially.  Our goal is to have money saved before a baby comes.  But, we cannot do that with DH working for his parents.  There is either no work, at all, or whenever DH works his ass of, his brother gets the money that is rightfully ours!  Ever since BIL's baby was born, I can expect to be told every other payday that DH's check is going to be a week or so late in coming.  We can't get anywhere.  We're stuck in neutral, money wise and thinking of stopping TTC until things change. 

Anyway, DH finally has had enough with his parents' business practices and asked a friend to see about getting him a job where he works.  The new job would be consistent hours every week, pleatny of work, and therefore more money in our bank account.  The problem is, we know this is going to piss FIL off if DH gets the new job.  He wants to keep DH at his disposal, but we cannot survive like this!  I am just waiting for the fallout if DH gets a new job somewhere else.  But, how is that fair?  How can MIL and FIL expect us to keep going on like this?

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kerryket
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:45 PM
This is why I'll pass on working for family or friends. I guess he will have to put his foot down or find work elsewhere.
mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:56 PM

Its really no ones business how your in laws spend their money...it does sound like your husband gets his pay, eventually.

If there isnt enough work it seems kind of obvious your husband should look elsewhere or you find a second job or a better paying one to pick up the slack.

........and you sound extremely jealous.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:17 PM
3 moms liked this

 Umm... the problem is, it isn't "their" money and is my business whenever the spending taps into the payroll.  As employers, they have the obligation to pay their employees.  The ones who actually work, anyway.  Where is it acceptable business for someone to pay their employees late, repeatedly?  We have bills and deadlines to meet.  Just because DH is their son doesn't mean he magically doesn't need to support himself.  He cannot call the power company and say, "Hey, I work for my parents and they chose to pay my brother instead of me, so I can't pay my bill this month."  Before BIL had a kid and DH's parents had to start supporting him, there was not a problem with receiving checks on time.  Now, they simply cannot extend their finances to accomdoate all of their needs, BIL's needs, and their payroll.  The fourth employee also receives his check late if DH does.  So does FIL.  MIL and FIL go without groceries, get behind on mortgage, car payments, etc. all in the name of supporting my able-bodied BIL. 

The problems have been exacerbated in the past year.  DH has been afraid to move on to another company due to not wanting upset his parents.  Also, they've promised and promised that "lots of work is coming."  We tried to ride it out and not leave them hanging, but we cannot do it any longer.  That is why DH is now currently seeking out new employment, as I stated in my OP.

Lastly, I wanted to address your totally unfounded comment regarding jealousy.  I am really not sure what part of this led you to believe there is any jealousy at play? Because my BIL doesn't have to work to make money?  My dignity would never allow me to accept that type of lifestyle for myself.  I do work.  DH and I own our home and a substantial amount of land.  Or was it because he had a kid, or something?  I only just now started actively TTC and really, I wouldn't consider it dedicated TTC.  We don't chart or anything.  I just stopped BC.  Yes, we want children, but we haven't been at this for years like some people have.  We're not "struggling" with it, at all.  So, if that's where you were going with that, you misinterpreted.  Instead, I am disgusted in people having children when they do not have the means to provide for them. That's not fair to the kid.


Quoting mysticalmalissa:

Its really no ones business how your in laws spend their money...it does sound like your husband gets his pay, eventually.

If there isnt enough work it seems kind of obvious your husband should look elsewhere or you find a second job or a better paying one to pick up the slack.

........and you sound extremely jealous.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:23 PM

Also wanted to add that I know all of these things because, not only does my MIL confide every last detail to me, I help her with the officework for their business (for free).  She works another job and needs my help to get things done. I see how much money comes in and where it goes.  If I don't see it for myself, MIL tells me.  If MIL didn't feel it was my business, she would not confide in me nor would she have me do her banking and things for her whenever she doesn't have the time.  It's not like I'm investigating their money situation. 

mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:38 PM

You didnt answer my question about your job.  Can you get more hours or a second one?

Quoting Anonymous:

 Umm... the problem is, it isn't "their" money and is my business whenever the spending taps into the payroll.  As employers, they have the obligation to pay their employees.  The ones who actually work, anyway.  Where is it acceptable business for someone to pay their employees late, repeatedly?  We have bills and deadlines to meet.  Just because DH is their son doesn't mean he magically doesn't need to support himself.  He cannot call the power company and say, "Hey, I work for my parents and they chose to pay my brother instead of me, so I can't pay my bill this month."  Before BIL had a kid and DH's parents had to start supporting him, there was not a problem with receiving checks on time.  Now, they simply cannot extend their finances to accomdoate all of their needs, BIL's needs, and their payroll.  The fourth employee also receives his check late if DH does.  So does FIL.  MIL and FIL go without groceries, get behind on mortgage, car payments, etc. all in the name of supporting my able-bodied BIL. 

The problems have been exacerbated in the past year.  DH has been afraid to move on to another company due to not wanting upset his parents.  Also, they've promised and promised that "lots of work is coming."  We tried to ride it out and not leave them hanging, but we cannot do it any longer.  That is why DH is now currently seeking out new employment, as I stated in my OP.

Lastly, I wanted to address your totally unfounded comment regarding jealousy.  I am really not sure what part of this led you to believe there is any jealousy at play? Because my BIL doesn't have to work to make money?  My dignity would never allow me to accept that type of lifestyle for myself.  I do work.  DH and I own our home and a substantial amount of land.  Or was it because he had a kid, or something?  I only just now started actively TTC and really, I wouldn't consider it dedicated TTC.  We don't chart or anything.  I just stopped BC.  Yes, we want children, but we haven't been at this for years like some people have.  We're not "struggling" with it, at all.  So, if that's where you were going with that, you misinterpreted.  Instead, I am disgusted in people having children when they do not have the means to provide for them. That's not fair to the kid.


Quoting mysticalmalissa:

Its really no ones business how your in laws spend their money...it does sound like your husband gets his pay, eventually.

If there isnt enough work it seems kind of obvious your husband should look elsewhere or you find a second job or a better paying one to pick up the slack.

........and you sound extremely jealous.




anotherhalf
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I think your dh is right to leave.  He's needs to be able to support his family and if that upsets his parents, too bad.  He's a husband and, hopefully soon, a dad.  These roles come before son.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:51 PM
2 moms liked this
I saw no where in that paragraph that you work? Do you? I understand mil/fil thinking but its not right. Your dh should get another job. You should also get a job.
IUMer
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:05 PM

Hopefully your DH can get another job but sometimes help out his father when he is needed.  I know you don't want to upset his parents but you and your DH have to consider your own family's needs and future. His parents aren't being good, fair employers.

That's MY opinion for what it's worth. =)


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 25, 2013 at 4:36 AM

That's not fair. Your DH has to do what he needs to to take care of his family. If it makes his parents mad, oh well! He works his ass off he should get paid when he is suppose to just like everybody else, not "eventually!" 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 25, 2013 at 4:46 AM
2 moms liked this


To: PP

Would you like to get your paycheck "eventually"?

Quoting mysticalmalissa:

Its really no ones business how your in laws spend their money...it does sound like your husband gets his pay, eventually.

If there isnt enough work it seems kind of obvious your husband should look elsewhere or you find a second job or a better paying one to pick up the slack.

........and you sound extremely jealou..

.....and you sound extremely stupid!!

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