Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Newbie here and just really need to vent

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:19 AM
  • 13 Replies

Hey everyone, i introduced myself in the introductions but here is a little back story because i am sure not everyone reads those intro's lol. 

My name is Stephanie, i am 24 years old, and am a single mother to a 3 year old daughter. About 6 months ago my husband dropped the bomb on me that he wasn't happy anymore and felt like something was missing and left me. I was a stay at home mom at the time and moved out and lived with my grandparents until i got my own place, which i had to get with help of social services but they are also doing everything they can to try helping me find a job and get on my own two feet to support myself and my daughter. My ex was doing great co-parenting with me, bought me what i needed for Nova and came to see her at least 3-4 times a week. well recently and i wanna say this is about a month ago, i had to take him for child support, and because he has no job, he only has to pay 25.00 a month, thats it! He flipped a lid to the point where i had to kick him out of my apartment and he even told me that from now on since i get the child support he wont be helping me get things for our daughter because thats what the check is for. Now he maybe see's his kid once a week for an hour (if i BEG him), and i found out as well he has been into some pretty gnarly drugs. He refuses to speak to me, ignores my texts and treats me as if I dont exist, but i only message him to try and see when he is going to come see his daughter again. Up until recently i had really held out hope we could reconcile and get back together, but at this point i think i just want to file for a divorce because it's obvious i am much better off without him and i cant make someone care if they dont want to, but it's all just so hard for me to except. I just really need advice...or maybe i just really needed to vent, either way, i feel like i hate him but i'm still attached and feel so damn stupid for it. 

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:19 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
jbirdsladie27
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:24 AM
1 mom liked this
(((big hugs))) IMHO you're better off without him. You are STRONG, YOU WILL make it.
luvhugz08
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this

sorry mama....soul search!!! 

aodom323
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:51 AM
1 mom liked this

If you made it this far without him you can keep doing it and in all honesty if he is doing drugs you don't want that around your daughter. This is pretty much showing his true colors and if you hate him like this you would probably hate him still if you got back together.

Dissolutions
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks ladies, sometimes i just need a reminder on how strong i am, because right now i just don't feel it even though i know i have come a long way since him. It's just shocking how much one person can change in a matter of months and i know i am so much better off without him, i just wish my brain would shut up for five seconds so i can remind myself of that.

MamaAjax
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 8:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Mama, drugs kill all relationships. You got to do right by you and your baby girl.

If he doesn't want to understand that you HAVE to file for child support if you're on any type of government aid then he's just using it as an excuse to not help. I don't hate my ex. Can't forgive the damn man, but I don't hate him. He has a shitty background and it was the drugs that tore him down. 

You have a history with this man, you trusted him and respected him enough to marry him. Loved him enough to give him a child and provided a home for him. Of course you're still attached and that's not stupid of you at all.

My advice is walk way. Tell him if he wants to see his baby girl he needs to get clean. Give him a year stipulation or something. If he can't get clean or you two than you two don't need him.

Don't try to force it. I see so many moms now days trying to force the father child relationship. You'll only end up hurting her later if he doesn't clean up.

Broken promises hurt worse than no promises at all.  

Just use the programs you've got to use and get up on your feet, and first and foremost (because I speak from experience) do not make excuses to not go back to school. I know a lot of programs out there to help single moms get further on in their education. Get your A.A. degree become a Nurse Assistant or something. Or go for your B.S. degree. Don't do those 9month or 12month certificate courses. They really only hold you back in the long run.

Dissolutions
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:03 AM


Quoting MamaAjax:

Mama, drugs kill all relationships. You got to do right by you and your baby girl.

If he doesn't want to understand that you HAVE to file for child support if you're on any type of government aid then he's just using it as an excuse to not help. I don't hate my ex. Can't forgive the damn man, but I don't hate him. He has a shitty background and it was the drugs that tore him down. 

You have a history with this man, you trusted him and respected him enough to marry him. Loved him enough to give him a child and provided a home for him. Of course you're still attached and that's not stupid of you at all.

My advice is walk way. Tell him if he wants to see his baby girl he needs to get clean. Give him a year stipulation or something. If he can't get clean or you two than you two don't need him.

Don't try to force it. I see so many moms now days trying to force the father child relationship. You'll only end up hurting her later if he doesn't clean up.

Broken promises hurt worse than no promises at all.  

Just use the programs you've got to use and get up on your feet, and first and foremost (because I speak from experience) do not make excuses to not go back to school. I know a lot of programs out there to help single moms get further on in their education. Get your A.A. degree become a Nurse Assistant or something. Or go for your B.S. degree. Don't do those 9month or 12month certificate courses. They really only hold you back in the long run.

I am trying my hardest to walk away and i will take your advice on getting back into school, i actually have a ton of info on getting into some courses at our community college and some for other career paths but what is weird was i actually was already thinking about a nursing assistant program so you kinda got in my head a bit there. I do want to tell him he needs to clean up before he can be around Nova, but for some reason i am scared to, not exactly sure why, but i am, but i know its much better to have him around our child sober. His true colors really have shown, and i am just trying to make myself a better person and a much better example than him. 

MamaAjax
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:21 AM


Believe it or not. I know exactly where you are currently standing. Just I was 4months pregnant when the shit hit the fan for me. We were fine you know. Saving up for that big white wedding. Had a 3bd/2bath home on a little over a half acre of land (rent to own). We were high school sweethearts. Both of us had jobs, nothing spectacular. Paid the bills with a little extra left over. Before the pregnancy we had a roommate; cause really what did two people need with a 3bedroom house, which allowed us to save big time.

My SO started pulling from me. We got bad news, after bad news, after bad news. It was unbelievable the shit we were dealing with. I'm not surprised at all he got into drugs. He was at least honest and up front once I had found out he lost his job and was knee deep into hardcore drugs. Said he never wanted to be a father and all that jazz. I told him he had till the baby's first birthday to straighten up and clean up. I walked away, moved back in with my parents and they got me up on my feet and I've been doing well since. Never took him for Child Support or anything.

7years later. I have a happy bouncing 6year old boy (son to be 7 this May) remarried and my ex has still never met his son. I've tried once or twice in the begining. Offered him to go with me to the appointments, told him the birth date, sent him pictures, little updates here or there, trying to put out feelers to see how hot or cold the water was. 

I'm glad I walked away though. My "SIL" came back with horror stories from when she dated him 2 years back. Talking about his heroin addiction and how she had to lock her son and herself into the bathroom to escape his violent rages. How her son found needles in his DS case and how she had to "shake the couch down to find change just to buy ramen" so they had something to eat cause he'd take her money.  The man she described was not the man I had been with. It was scary.

Quoting Dissolutions:


Quoting MamaAjax:

Mama, drugs kill all relationships. You got to do right by you and your baby girl.

If he doesn't want to understand that you HAVE to file for child support if you're on any type of government aid then he's just using it as an excuse to not help. I don't hate my ex. Can't forgive the damn man, but I don't hate him. He has a shitty background and it was the drugs that tore him down. 

You have a history with this man, you trusted him and respected him enough to marry him. Loved him enough to give him a child and provided a home for him. Of course you're still attached and that's not stupid of you at all.

My advice is walk way. Tell him if he wants to see his baby girl he needs to get clean. Give him a year stipulation or something. If he can't get clean or you two than you two don't need him.

Don't try to force it. I see so many moms now days trying to force the father child relationship. You'll only end up hurting her later if he doesn't clean up.

Broken promises hurt worse than no promises at all.  

Just use the programs you've got to use and get up on your feet, and first and foremost (because I speak from experience) do not make excuses to not go back to school. I know a lot of programs out there to help single moms get further on in their education. Get your A.A. degree become a Nurse Assistant or something. Or go for your B.S. degree. Don't do those 9month or 12month certificate courses. They really only hold you back in the long run.

I am trying my hardest to walk away and i will take your advice on getting back into school, i actually have a ton of info on getting into some courses at our community college and some for other career paths but what is weird was i actually was already thinking about a nursing assistant program so you kinda got in my head a bit there. I do want to tell him he needs to clean up before he can be around Nova, but for some reason i am scared to, not exactly sure why, but i am, but i know its much better to have him around our child sober. His true colors really have shown, and i am just trying to make myself a better person and a much better example than him. 



Mama Ajax @ Blogger

Just a little bit my life experiences.

Dissolutions
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:45 AM

Its amazing how a person changes. i was with him 7 years and everything was great but then suddenly it wasnt. his drug of choice is coke along with some pills and it really has effected every aspect of who he is these days. It's really encouraging to see similar stories, it just reassures me that everything is going to work out for the best and that one day everythings going to be allright. I am so glad to see how things turned out for you!

Quoting MamaAjax:


Believe it or not. I know exactly where you are currently standing. Just I was 4months pregnant when the shit hit the fan for me. We were fine you know. Saving up for that big white wedding. Had a 3bd/2bath home on a little over a half acre of land (rent to own). We were high school sweethearts. Both of us had jobs, nothing spectacular. Paid the bills with a little extra left over. Before the pregnancy we had a roommate; cause really what did two people need with a 3bedroom house, which allowed us to save big time.

My SO started pulling from me. We got bad news, after bad news, after bad news. It was unbelievable the shit we were dealing with. I'm not surprised at all he got into drugs. He was at least honest and up front once I had found out he lost his job and was knee deep into hardcore drugs. Said he never wanted to be a father and all that jazz. I told him he had till the baby's first birthday to straighten up and clean up. I walked away, moved back in with my parents and they got me up on my feet and I've been doing well since. Never took him for Child Support or anything.

7years later. I have a happy bouncing 6year old boy (son to be 7 this May) remarried and my ex has still never met his son. I've tried once or twice in the begining. Offered him to go with me to the appointments, told him the birth date, sent him pictures, little updates here or there, trying to put out feelers to see how hot or cold the water was. 

I'm glad I walked away though. My "SIL" came back with horror stories from when she dated him 2 years back. Talking about his heroin addiction and how she had to lock her son and herself into the bathroom to escape his violent rages. How her son found needles in his DS case and how she had to "shake the couch down to find change just to buy ramen" so they had something to eat cause he'd take her money.  The man she described was not the man I had been with. It was scary.

Quoting Dissolutions:


Quoting MamaAjax:

Mama, drugs kill all relationships. You got to do right by you and your baby girl.

If he doesn't want to understand that you HAVE to file for child support if you're on any type of government aid then he's just using it as an excuse to not help. I don't hate my ex. Can't forgive the damn man, but I don't hate him. He has a shitty background and it was the drugs that tore him down. 

You have a history with this man, you trusted him and respected him enough to marry him. Loved him enough to give him a child and provided a home for him. Of course you're still attached and that's not stupid of you at all.

My advice is walk way. Tell him if he wants to see his baby girl he needs to get clean. Give him a year stipulation or something. If he can't get clean or you two than you two don't need him.

Don't try to force it. I see so many moms now days trying to force the father child relationship. You'll only end up hurting her later if he doesn't clean up.

Broken promises hurt worse than no promises at all.  

Just use the programs you've got to use and get up on your feet, and first and foremost (because I speak from experience) do not make excuses to not go back to school. I know a lot of programs out there to help single moms get further on in their education. Get your A.A. degree become a Nurse Assistant or something. Or go for your B.S. degree. Don't do those 9month or 12month certificate courses. They really only hold you back in the long run.

I am trying my hardest to walk away and i will take your advice on getting back into school, i actually have a ton of info on getting into some courses at our community college and some for other career paths but what is weird was i actually was already thinking about a nursing assistant program so you kinda got in my head a bit there. I do want to tell him he needs to clean up before he can be around Nova, but for some reason i am scared to, not exactly sure why, but i am, but i know its much better to have him around our child sober. His true colors really have shown, and i am just trying to make myself a better person and a much better example than him. 




MamaAjax
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:23 AM

It is. My ex started with cocain and ecstacy. Now it's even worse. I heard he had a round with crack even. I hope my story can help. 

Stay strong mama, you can do it. Anything is possible with the right mentality and hard work. I suggest meditiation. Be it yoga or walking first thing in the morning or just sitting still for 30mins out of your day. It helps keep the mind clear. And you'll be needing a lot of that. 

Thank you. Sadly my horror story isn't over with the ex. I'll give it another year before I'm finally "all said and done" with him.


Quoting Dissolutions:

Its amazing how a person changes. i was with him 7 years and everything was great but then suddenly it wasnt. his drug of choice is coke along with some pills and it really has effected every aspect of who he is these days. It's really encouraging to see similar stories, it just reassures me that everything is going to work out for the best and that one day everythings going to be allright. I am so glad to see how things turned out for you!

Quoting MamaAjax:


Believe it or not. I know exactly where you are currently standing. Just I was 4months pregnant when the shit hit the fan for me. We were fine you know. Saving up for that big white wedding. Had a 3bd/2bath home on a little over a half acre of land (rent to own). We were high school sweethearts. Both of us had jobs, nothing spectacular. Paid the bills with a little extra left over. Before the pregnancy we had a roommate; cause really what did two people need with a 3bedroom house, which allowed us to save big time.

My SO started pulling from me. We got bad news, after bad news, after bad news. It was unbelievable the shit we were dealing with. I'm not surprised at all he got into drugs. He was at least honest and up front once I had found out he lost his job and was knee deep into hardcore drugs. Said he never wanted to be a father and all that jazz. I told him he had till the baby's first birthday to straighten up and clean up. I walked away, moved back in with my parents and they got me up on my feet and I've been doing well since. Never took him for Child Support or anything.

7years later. I have a happy bouncing 6year old boy (son to be 7 this May) remarried and my ex has still never met his son. I've tried once or twice in the begining. Offered him to go with me to the appointments, told him the birth date, sent him pictures, little updates here or there, trying to put out feelers to see how hot or cold the water was. 

I'm glad I walked away though. My "SIL" came back with horror stories from when she dated him 2 years back. Talking about his heroin addiction and how she had to lock her son and herself into the bathroom to escape his violent rages. How her son found needles in his DS case and how she had to "shake the couch down to find change just to buy ramen" so they had something to eat cause he'd take her money.  The man she described was not the man I had been with. It was scary.

Quoting Dissolutions:


Quoting MamaAjax:

Mama, drugs kill all relationships. You got to do right by you and your baby girl.

If he doesn't want to understand that you HAVE to file for child support if you're on any type of government aid then he's just using it as an excuse to not help. I don't hate my ex. Can't forgive the damn man, but I don't hate him. He has a shitty background and it was the drugs that tore him down. 

You have a history with this man, you trusted him and respected him enough to marry him. Loved him enough to give him a child and provided a home for him. Of course you're still attached and that's not stupid of you at all.

My advice is walk way. Tell him if he wants to see his baby girl he needs to get clean. Give him a year stipulation or something. If he can't get clean or you two than you two don't need him.

Don't try to force it. I see so many moms now days trying to force the father child relationship. You'll only end up hurting her later if he doesn't clean up.

Broken promises hurt worse than no promises at all.  

Just use the programs you've got to use and get up on your feet, and first and foremost (because I speak from experience) do not make excuses to not go back to school. I know a lot of programs out there to help single moms get further on in their education. Get your A.A. degree become a Nurse Assistant or something. Or go for your B.S. degree. Don't do those 9month or 12month certificate courses. They really only hold you back in the long run.

I am trying my hardest to walk away and i will take your advice on getting back into school, i actually have a ton of info on getting into some courses at our community college and some for other career paths but what is weird was i actually was already thinking about a nursing assistant program so you kinda got in my head a bit there. I do want to tell him he needs to clean up before he can be around Nova, but for some reason i am scared to, not exactly sure why, but i am, but i know its much better to have him around our child sober. His true colors really have shown, and i am just trying to make myself a better person and a much better example than him. 






Mama Ajax @ Blogger

Just a little bit my life experiences.

psych_mom
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I think you know what you need to do at this point. Don't let fear rule your life. Do what is best for you and your daughter. Hugs and stay strong!


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)