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Is he selfish or is it just me?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies

  My husband and I have been having issues, I'm sure every couple does.  But it really pisses me off when he "disappears" the whole day!  He works full time and I understand that he needs some time alone or just chillin time with his friends.  He will go to work and when I expect him home from work, he "disappears" and wont call or text me to let me know what's going on.  I'm the one that will send the annoying, typical wifey texts "where are you? What are you doing? When are you coming home?"   We have two young children, age 5 and 1.  I'm a stay at home mom and my one year old is a pain in the butt, clingy baby.  I cannot leave his sight! He will cry and follow me everywhere! I had the baby blues when my second child was born. I didn't treat it because I kept thinking it will go away....but it didn't.  It evolved to depression.  I lost some friends, my family are not the loving, supportive family that some people are lucky to have.  Therefore I have no real support system.  We've talked about my depression and personally, I don't think he understands.  He blames me for the fact that I don't have friends anymore... Is he right? I don't get out much, specially in the summer.  The weather here gets up to 115 degrees sometimes.  We live paycheck to paycheck so I'm also limited to the things that we can do. He also blames me for not getting out of the house enough.  I can't even go the the grocery store by myself because when I tell him that I'm going he says "take one of the kids, I'm tired and can only keep an eye out for one."  Boy does that piss me off!! It annoys me that my husband can't understand that I too need to "disappear" some times.  When I actually do get a break and get out of the house, he will text/call an hour later to check on me.  Right now he's out, most likely drinking and it's past 10:30pm here.  Am I being selfish for getting mad at him for having some alone time? Because YES!! I am mad at him!  I want and NEED some alone time.  


Thanks for ready. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 2, 2013 at 1:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
AuntieM
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 2:51 AM
Not selfish at all. He is.
kmjmlj
by New Member on May. 2, 2013 at 3:07 AM
2 moms liked this
Tell him to grow up. He has a family now. Your living pay day to pay day but he's spending money on drinking that shows his priorities are messed up.
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Withitmom
by on May. 2, 2013 at 3:09 AM
1 mom liked this

No you are not selfish. You need a life too. He expects you to be the dutiful wife who takes care of everything at home while he lives a life free of family obligations and with little or no responsibilities. He needs to know that your are in a partnership and that you need his help. You can't do this alone. You need support. Get the DVD - The Secret. It will change the way you think.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 2, 2013 at 5:43 AM

so, just pack up one day, announce YOU are leaving for a 'break',  and DO IT

Alexsi1
by Alexandra on May. 2, 2013 at 8:39 AM

You are not being selfish at all. He needs to grow up. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 2, 2013 at 8:43 AM
2 moms liked this

HE is the selfish one and the next time you get ready to get groceries and he says he's tired and can only keep an eye out for one, say, "NO, you're their DAD, not the sitter, and I'm tired, too! So, I'll get the groceries and you TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!" And if he's out drinking like that when you're on a tight budget, you need to tell him that's not okay. That money needs to go towards bills and/or the kids, NOT booze. If he can't handle that, perhaps he has a drinking problem.

kss12
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 8:44 AM
You're not selfish at all. You need time to refresh, everyone does. As far as your husband disappearing, I would talk to him and tell him you'd like to know what he's doing and when he's coming back, who he's with etc. I made these expectations very clear for dh when we first dated and this has been the easiest relationship with no bs. I would set boundaries for him, it's not fair to you at all.
psych_mom
by on May. 2, 2013 at 8:53 AM
1 mom liked this

You're not being selfish, but you do need to get some help for your depression. He has no right to blame you for it though- it isn't like you want to feel that way. You need some support, some people or someone that is going to stand beside you and help you through this. You need to take some time for yourself, even if he doesn't like it.

PhoenixV
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this

This, and I think he is the one being selfish.


Quoting psych_mom:

You're not being selfish, but you do need to get some help for your depression. He has no right to blame you for it though- it isn't like you want to feel that way. You need some support, some people or someone that is going to stand beside you and help you through this. You need to take some time for yourself, even if he doesn't like it.



oscarsmom70
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry you are having these challenges with your DH.  The non-profit I work at has a great article with some advice/suggestions on how to approach having a conversation with him, if you want.  Here is the link:  http://bit.ly/132Af42.  Praying for you!!

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