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SILs pregnant and I'm not supposed to know. Just a bit of a whine.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies

Today my DH's cousin Lisa came over to hang out for a little while before she had to pick her DD up from school.  At some point during our conversation, she said, "I have a secret to tell you, but you have to swear not to say a word!"  So, I asked her what it was and she told me that my SIL is about four weeks pregnant but isn't "announcing" until the 12 week mark.  The only reason Lisa knew is because my MIL immediately texted her when she found out (MIL is the ONLY person SIL told).  Apparently, my MIL informed Lisa not to tell anyone (aka: Me) because it's a secret until week 12.  WTF?!  It's a secret from me, but not Lisa?

I am transitioning back and forth between angry and extremely hurt.  I know this might not seem like a big deal to some, but you'd have to understand our dynamics. 

First of all, my SIL's fiance is my cousin (who is like a brother to me).  They've been together since before I ever even met DH.  That's actually how I met him, SIL was with my cousin and she decided to hook me up with her brother.  So, this child-to-be is not only my husband's blood, but mine also.  My MIL and I are very close.  I guess I overestimated our relationship, though, because she purposefully excluded me from this news but went right to DH's cousin.  That doesn't make a bit of sense.  Am I not considered trustworthy enough to keep a secret?  Obviously Lisa isn't very much, because she told me the first chance she got and she's also told her husband.  SIL has no clue that Lisa, her DH and myself know about her pregnancy.   I was told by Lisa that MIL and SIL definitely did not want me to know because they think I'm going to tell my aunt (the child's GRANDMOTHER!!!)  No, I'm not going to completely obliterate my aunt's heart by telling her, "Hey, you're gonna be a grandma and you're the last to know!"   I would NEVER announce someone else's pregnancy or any secret, regardless.  It's not my place.

I am upset with MIL.  She shouldn't have told anyone, period.  But, the fact that she went right to Lisa directly after hanging up the phone with SIL makes my blood boil.  It's like a smack in the face.  Where does this woman get the impression that I would run around telling everyone about this?  I've never done anything like that before.  Kinda crazy, because Lisa did what MIL's assuming I'll do.  Whatever.

I just want to make it clear before I submit this that I do understand it is the mother and father's right to decide when to announce and to whom.  This post isn't about that.  I am NOT upset with SIL.  She simply confided in her mother.  I just can't believe MIL doesn't trust me after all this time. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 21, 2013 at 7:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on May. 21, 2013 at 7:06 PM
2 moms liked this

MIL shouldn't have told anyone. Guess you know who to never share anything you want kept secret with.

anotherhalf
by on May. 21, 2013 at 7:09 PM
4 moms liked this

In spite of the hurt, you did learn a very valuable lesson before it's too late.  1)  Your MIL can't be trusted and 2) neither can Lisa.  I would also feel very sorry for my SIL because this whole thing is likely to blow up in a bad way depending on who else finds out.  I'd consider yourself lucky that you found out who not to trust without it being your secret.

psych_mom
by on May. 21, 2013 at 7:10 PM
I agree.

Quoting anotherhalf:

In spite of the hurt, you did learn a very valuable lesson before it's too late.  1)  Your MIL can't be trusted and 2) neither can Lisa.  I would also feel very sorry for my SIL because this whole thing is likely to blow up in a bad way depending on who else finds out.  I'd consider yourself lucky that you found out who not to trust without it being your secret.

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Momofmenagerie
by on May. 21, 2013 at 7:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Lisa wasn't supposed to know and obviously doesn't understand " secret". Perhaps it should have been you that was told and not Lisa. Just respect the original wishes of mom to be and zip your lip.

Remember, this isn't about you, or Lisa, or even MIL. It's as simple as a lot of early expectant mother do not announce until their magic number of " not a miscarriage" happens. Her's is 12 wks.

Try not to whine, the lesson here is to NOT confide in Lisa.

Tbh? I'd tell MIL that perhaps Lisa isn't the quiet one she thought she was after the news has been broken to all. " proving you are the person you want her to think you are"
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 21, 2013 at 7:27 PM

I agree with you all.  I'm kinda shocked because MIL doesn't usually behave this way when it comes to a secret like this and she usually tells me EVERYTHING.  If she wouldn't have told Lisa, I wouldn't be bothered.  I was with MIL the day she found out.  She was on the phone with SIL and I went in the house.  She didn't come in for about 20-30 minutes because she was sitting outside in the car on the phone.  I didn't think anything of it.  When she came in, she was acting a little weird and she was texting.  Apparently, she was texting Lisa, then.  That was Saturday.

Nobody in my family knows.  My cousin and SIL agreed they wouldn't tell a soul (not even parents) until the 12 week mark.  My cousin has no idea SIL told MIL about this.  Obviously, my aunt and uncle are gonna be the last ones to know and that's sorta not fair.  But, that's not up to me.  I just know that I would never tell them that sort of news.  I haven't even told DH!  I won't, either.  Definitely don't want to further contribute to MIL's poor opinion of my character.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 21, 2013 at 7:28 PM

don't feel too bad. my MIL does a lot worse things then that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 21, 2013 at 7:31 PM
Lisa made me swear not to tell anyone I knew. I keep my promises. But, whenever MIL does decide to tell me herself, I am going to look dead at her with no expression and just say, "I know." Then, she is going to feel horrible. Lisa is bad about telling things. That is why I never tell her anything of my own. I've learned that about her long ago.
Quoting Momofmenagerie:

Lisa wasn't supposed to know and obviously doesn't understand " secret". Perhaps it should have been you that was told and not Lisa. Just respect the original wishes of mom to be and zip your lip.

Remember, this isn't about you, or Lisa, or even MIL. It's as simple as a lot of early expectant mother do not announce until their magic number of " not a miscarriage" happens. Her's is 12 wks.

Try not to whine, the lesson here is to NOT confide in Lisa.

Tbh? I'd tell MIL that perhaps Lisa isn't the quiet one she thought she was after the news has been broken to all. " proving you are the person you want her to think you are"

aj_mom
by Member on May. 22, 2013 at 11:19 AM

Are you and DH trying for a baby? If so maybe she didn't tell you because she didn't want you to be upset. Or maybe she thought you already knew. But I agree just don't say anything and act totally surprised when the "secret" is finally revealed.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 22, 2013 at 11:42 AM

MIL is controlling, spiteful and she can't keep a secret.  At least you know not to trust her with a secret.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 22, 2013 at 2:32 PM
We're not trying right now. MIL knows I wouldn't get upset. Last year, there were two babies born in the family and I was all excited and did the showers and stuff. So, I know it can't be that. She also knows that I do not know about SIL's pregnancy. SIL told her that she and my cousin agreed on a 12 week announcement because it is super early. My aunt and uncle have absolutely no idea they're having another grandchild. The only person SIL told was my MIL. She made MIL swear to secrecy, but of course MIL told Lisa. I mean, immediately told Lisa. Whenever MIL decides to finally trust me enough with the information and tells me, I am not going to act surprised. I am simply going to let her know that I've known all along so that she will feel like shit for not trusting me. Lisa told me that SIL specifically requested that I not be told. Therefore, she can find someone else to throw her baby shower, etc.
Quoting aj_mom:

Are you and DH trying for a baby? If so maybe she didn't tell you because she didn't want you to be upset. Or maybe she thought you already knew. But I agree just don't say anything and act totally surprised when the "secret" is finally revealed.


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