Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Insignificant

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:19 AM
  • 5 Replies
I am me. Sounds simple but it's not. I am 28 and have made more stupid decisions than most 75 year olds. I have 2 kids, both of which I could NOT live without. My son is 11, and my daughter is 4 months. I got preg when I was 16 by my first boyfriend (first everything) and we were together for about 5 years. We made the best of it, and have the greatest little man to show from our relationship. Although he and I could not live together as a married couple, we co-parent like champs and for that I am eternally grateful to him and his family. I love them all dearly in my own special way. Our son is happy, healthy and doesn't have to worry with the typical drama of divorced parents. I am the product of the crappy drama filled divorced household where my parents played me against one another, and still do. I would never want that for either one of my babies. A few years later I met who I thought was the proverbial Mr.Right. Head over heels in love and blind as a bat! He used me and made my life absolute hell...and I never seen it coming! He was addicted to pain pills before we met and made the foundation a lie from day 1. He had a beautiful daughter that he signed away all right to so he could afford more pills, and then he got into harder stuff. He stole ALL of my jewelry, and money, and even my child's savings. He became violent and the list goes on and on.... That hurt like nothing I had ever experienced. Even physically. Never will I hurt that way again! During all of that chaos, I was told I had cervical cancer and would have to undergo 3 surgeries, still unsuccessful. Finally my insurance company approved a full hysterectomy. Well, that was good news to me, kinda, until my son started talking about how badly he wanted a baby bro or sis. I met "W" and he is somewhat older, has no kids, treated my child and me wonderfully and desperately wanted a child of his own. After much deliberation and anxiety, and regret for not having another baby, I decided to go for it. W and I tried for a couple myths to get preg and were successful. When we were just talking about the idea, I just knew he would be a great father, and we would be great together, even though neither he nor I were interested in marriage. (Bash if you must, a piece of paper saying you are married does not make you a better parent) well, I came up with a creative way to tell him we were expecting, and I just knew he would be thrilled. Well he wasn't. And from there the story begins, and you will see why I am a member of the single moms group and posting there. I have more in common with then.
Throughout the duration of my WHOLE ENTIRE pregnancy, I had absolutely NO emotional support. I did not receive the first back run, foot rub, or the first comment that I looked nice. He did however comment every damn day about how big my ass was getting. He went to every doctors appt with me, and posted things on fb that would make anyone believe he was the perfect man. Well, when I got gestational diabetes that could not be controlled by diet or mess, I still got to watch him eat all my fav foods, and blow off my misery as if I were making it up. Now, being a mom, you all know how scary and emotional you can be when pregnant, and to have all of this stacked against you, it's horrible. My self confidence tanked as well as any hope I had for a future as a couple. I began to resent the pregnancy and even the baby at times. Well, they ended up inducing my labor at about 36 1-2 weeks. My beautiful baby girl arrived and the animosity I thought I would have towards her were long gone. I really thought once he held her, it would change him too. Well, no such luck. He is the ONLY "parent" I have ever met who actually gets 10 times MORE sleep once the baby is born. I hate him for that. He never helps me, and I realize now that I'm back to work, on opposite shifts than him, that it is so much easier to be here with the kids without him! We have fun, and I am not stressed. When he is here though, I am totally frazzled. I do love him, or the idea of what he pretended to be, but I have been feeling for a long time now, that I am just a total idiot and can only get a man that will use me and never treat me right. I don't want my son thinking its ok to treat his significant other that way and I damn sure don't want my daughter feeling as if she should expect that from a man. It may not sound like much, but the story is MUCH longer. If you care to hear details, ask. Otherwise, I just needed to blow off some steam and see if talking to someone would help.
report
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:19 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
catrig
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this
I would make a new screen name that isn't your name, before you get stalkers.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
psych_mom
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:41 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree!

Quoting catrig:

I would make a new screen name that isn't your name, before you get stalkers.


ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on May. 24, 2013 at 10:43 AM
I agree with this. And as anti marriage as I am that piece of paper does give some rights that you do not have otherwise.

Quoting catrig:

I would make a new screen name that isn't your name, before you get stalkers.
IansMom0821
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 11:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Girl, I felt that way for years, I made bad relationship choices, put up with an extremely violent man/child for almost 5 years. Then I made a decision to help myself no one else, it took time for me to realize I was worth more than my bad choices. I too was very against marriage and was told I would never concieve. After working on myself and my self esteem I met the man who is now my husband he treats me like a man should treat a women. I know that God sent him to me. Keep your head up and get as far away frin that man/child as possible, for both you and your childrens sake. He is teaching them what to expect from a man, don't give them such low expectations. You CAN NOT CHANGE HIM
JessicaDempsey
by on May. 24, 2013 at 4:05 PM
I tried to change the screen name, but nothing I say here is anything that is a secret by any means. I have talked,begged, and pleaded for him to be who he was and he knows I feel this way. Let them stalk. At this point they can stalk AND kiss my a$$. LOL. Any pointers on changing my screen name?
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)