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Should I send a closure email?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

I have posted on here before. Long story short...I was in a toxic relationship. I knew this but loved him. Very jealous, controlling, verbally abusive (once he pushed me down) relationship who had to always be right. I never every cheated but a couple times he saw a text to my friend or to a male friend which he was made and exagerated on. We broke up in February and for the past 3 months I have tried to get him back. Why I have no idea. That is something I have to work on...but none the less he has made this extremely hard on me. I feel like he is trying to hurt me now since i hurt him. He will still see me but only in convenience and recently I have felt that he was just using me. Every time we speak or I try to get him to understand that I love him and want to work on things but to do it exclusively he puts his wall up, says I cannot get everything I want and it is on his pace and terms. Everything is my fault. He calls me the C*** word or whore. I find myself apologizing instead of standing up for myself. I cannot just sit around and wait. So I want to do a closure email to him. Mainly for my pride and I would like to agree that the break up was a good idea. Not sure if that is dumb and I should just not speak to him anymore. It is hard since we go to the same gym and I see him there which then emotions come up. So basically, do I send a closure email or am I opening myself up for additional heartache. I just wish we would have ended things for good back in February and the last few months I feel that I was the pathetic one trying to win his love back. 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 31, 2013 at 11:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:20 AM

Talk to a therapist.  I can see the merit of what you want to do, but they may be things about it I am not seeing.

by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Nope, closure has been made. You are opening up again, you know that. Don't do it .
by Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 1:32 AM
2 moms liked this

what you're basically looking to do is reach out to him for some sort of communication.  you want to tell him everything you think and feel and deep down you probably hope it will have some kind of impact on him and maybe even changes the way he acts and feels.  whether his response is positive or negative, you are just hoping for any kind of response at all.

thus it isn't really a closure letter, it is another attempt at reaching out to him.  so thus you don't really *feel* closure.

the only way to truly have closure is to let it go and move on.  you will see him again at the gym.  if you don't talk to him, he will know you've moved on.  that is the point of real closure isn't it?

by Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 1:36 AM

in other words...

by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 1, 2013 at 6:03 AM

well, he is just using you.  he treated you like shit, was downright abusive to you, and you continued to chase after him like he was some prize.  in doing so, you displayed that you had no self-worth, and that's the kind of woman an abuser looks for.  hell, I bet you're still his booty call. 

by Bronze Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 7:31 AM
What I am seeing in your post is you would be back with him in half a heart beat....but he is not good for you and causes a great deal of harm. Why do this to yourself? Honey it's time to find peace and move on, you will not do that if you are still wondering g about him and trying to fix feelings. He is letting you know he is done. Men do not share the need of closure that women do.If you need to put your words on paper start a keep a journal and over the next 6-12 months add some new things in your life a new hobby work out go to school...then at the end of what ever time frame you set go back a read how far you have come.....(but most important stop with the guy,no contact!) Good luck better things are waiting go find them!!!!
by Member on Jun. 1, 2013 at 7:58 AM

You really need to see a therapist who can help you find that special place in you that he has suppressed.  It is a healthy place that tells you you're ok and he's an asshole.  He is not ok with himself so he has to stomp on you to bring you down to his level.  He is abusive and will only get worse.   DON'T allow him to do that.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...go shopping! big smile mini

by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 1, 2013 at 8:02 AM

cut  off ALL contact, switch gyms, and leave that mother fuckin asshole alone....get yourself some counseling to find out why you make the choices you do, and learn how to make better ones....if you don't, you'll find yourself in another relationship just like the one before, and the pattern will continue the rest of your that what you want for yourself?

by on Jun. 1, 2013 at 8:07 AM
His abusive ways is terrible, they never change, you go back heart wide open and you lose more and more if yourself; do not communicate with him, you don't feel better afterwards! He is out of your life, say thank you to whoever is keeping him away from you, whether it is that he met someone else or likes someone else and look for a man who respects women.

My ex was terrible. I put up w so much, he hasn't changed, he's hitting his current girlfriend, she thought she won the lotto when they met, but really I did.
by Taco Bell Princess on Jun. 2, 2013 at 2:16 AM
I know you think it's for closure, but you're urge to do it is driven by your desire to contact him and have yourself heard. It's not healthy.
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