Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Arguing in the car...

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 3:30 PM
  • 14 Replies

So, we're having a debate (SO and I.) My daughter has taken to arguing with me in the car - about anything and everything. Windows must be up, radio must be off, if I don't OBEY she starts a meltdown. These meltdowns leave me infuriated and IMHO usually by the time we get somewhere I'm to the point I probably should NOT be driving because she says nasty and cruel things. I was raised to believe the person driving the car controls EVERYTHING. My car, my radio. SO has always implied that to me, as well about his car and agrees with me. I'm not saying if DD wanted to listen to a different station, or actually wanted to talk I wouldn't accommodate - but all she does when the radio is off is get snotty with me about anything she can think of. I told my SO I was thinking about pulling over and telling her that if she doesn't like my rules in my car she can walk. She is 6- I wouldn't actually LEAVE her - but my concern is that she is so hard headed she would probably get out and walk. SO said just to skip that, and pull over and spank her. She listens well to him, and he's only spanked her 3 times, ever. I could just imagine someone seeing me pull over, whoop my kid, write down my license plate number and have a whole new issue. I can let her throw a fit all she wants - but the confined space makes it impossible for me to keep my cool. I can't send her to her room. Ideas or thoughts?


*edit* on our way to the car, today - she ran her hands down the side and over the hood of my car. When she started doing it, I asked her to please stop. She continued, and I said it louder, with mommy tone to imply STOP NOW. She retorts with "But I'm NOT scratching your paint." I told her I didn't care terribly about the paint, I didn't want her FILTHY and that it's besides the point she is not listening. I just washed my car but it was still dirty. And she was getting in my car with filthy hands. I could give you play by play from there, but it ends with me screaming at her to shut up, and not another word until we get home, It's not up for argument, it's over - NO MORE. Her mouth just does not stop. Ever. I'm about to invest in duct tape!

by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 3:30 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
JTE11
by Gold Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 3:48 PM
2 moms liked this

Having your attention diverted by a misbehaving kid is dangerous so something has to be done.  I would let her know that that behavior is dangerous and won't be tolerated and if she does it, you will spank her when you get home and she will spend the rest of he day in her room. (If she has TV or games or electronics in there they would be coming out.)  In my family we're pretty understanding and we even tolerate the occasional outburst if DD is tired or hungry or sick or something, we're not ogres. But when it comes to a safety issue there is absolutely no wiggle room on the rules. All you have to do is take your mind or eyes off the road for a second and something horrible could happen. There is no reason a six-year-old need to dictate those things or to have a fit over them. Find out why she doesn't like having the windows down and the radio on, and maybe you can work with that. If she doesn't like wind on her, maybe give her a sweatshirt to wear, or only open the window on the opposite side as she is sitting. If she doesn't like your music, maybe tell her you can play her music sometimes but you will still listen to yours but will turn it down low.  Don't make it into a power issue over who controls the car, because that will probably make her want to dig in harder. I see it as a safety issue and if you let her know that you won't tolerate it and what will happen if she doesn't behave (and then follow up on it), maybe it will make an impression on her. She is old enough to understand delayed punishment, so yes, you CAN send her to her room.  If you are in the car and she starts up, pull over and let her know of your compromises remind her of what will happen. Then start driving again and totally ignore her the rest of the trip while you are driving. She will probably try to engage you by being totally obnoxious or screaming and yelling but ignore it. Then when you get home later say nothing except that it's time for a spanking and for her to go to her room, and then do it. She can take her dinner in there, and be left alone with her books and her thoughts.

JTE11
by Gold Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 3:53 PM
2 moms liked this

Just saw your edit. There is no reason to argue with her or raise your voice.  I have the feeling she may be seeing how upset she can make you. If she insisted on wiping her hand on the car, I'd have told her once and then walked over and physically removed her hand from the car. Then later on she would have lost a treat or privilege, and she would have been helping to wax my car. I know, I'm mean, lol.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 9, 2013 at 4:00 PM
2 moms liked this
Seriously? You are the parent you shouldn't have to argue with a 6 year old. Pull over dont get out the car just reach back there and whoop her little ass. Not BEAT WHOOP. Make her realize that her behavior will not be tolerated and its a privilege to have a say about what goes on in Mommy"s car!
ohyouknow
by Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 9:45 PM
I like your thinkin' lady! DD and I had a talk tonight and I told her we were going to have a talk tomorrow night. I just got home from work, and we all need to get in bed. We gotta be up early early for both of our jobs tomorrow (earlier than usual) and try to get into an earlier routine. After a couple weeks of classes we start a new routine, as I move to third shift... Yay! Lol I plan on laying out my total expectations and consequences for non compliance. One day at a time, right?



Quoting JTE11:

Having your attention diverted by a misbehaving kid is dangerous so something has to be done.  I would let her know that that behavior is dangerous and won't be tolerated and if she does it, you will spank her when you get home and she will spend the rest of he day in her room. (If she has TV or games or electronics in there they would be coming out.)  In my family we're pretty understanding and we even tolerate the occasional outburst if DD is tired or hungry or sick or something, we're not ogres. But when it comes to a safety issue there is absolutely no wiggle room on the rules. All you have to do is take your mind or eyes off the road for a second and something horrible could happen. There is no reason a six-year-old need to dictate those things or to have a fit over them. Find out why she doesn't like having the windows down and the radio on, and maybe you can work with that. If she doesn't like wind on her, maybe give her a sweatshirt to wear, or only open the window on the opposite side as she is sitting. If she doesn't like your music, maybe tell her you can play her music sometimes but you will still listen to yours but will turn it down low.  Don't make it into a power issue over who controls the car, because that will probably make her want to dig in harder. I see it as a safety issue and if you let her know that you won't tolerate it and what will happen if she doesn't behave (and then follow up on it), maybe it will make an impression on her. She is old enough to understand delayed punishment, so yes, you CAN send her to her room.  If you are in the car and she starts up, pull over and let her know of your compromises remind her of what will happen. Then start driving again and totally ignore her the rest of the trip while you are driving. She will probably try to engage you by being totally obnoxious or screaming and yelling but ignore it. Then when you get home later say nothing except that it's time for a spanking and for her to go to her room, and then do it. She can take her dinner in there, and be left alone with her books and her thoughts.


JTE11
by Gold Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 12:25 AM

LOL!! Thanks, and yes, one day at a time! ;D


Quoting ohyouknow:

I like your thinkin' lady! DD and I had a talk tonight and I told her we were going to have a talk tomorrow night. I just got home from work, and we all need to get in bed. We gotta be up early early for both of our jobs tomorrow (earlier than usual) and try to get into an earlier routine. After a couple weeks of classes we start a new routine, as I move to third shift... Yay! Lol I plan on laying out my total expectations and consequences for non compliance. One day at a time, right?



Quoting JTE11:

Having your attention diverted by a misbehaving kid is dangerous so something has to be done.  I would let her know that that behavior is dangerous and won't be tolerated and if she does it, you will spank her when you get home and she will spend the rest of he day in her room. (If she has TV or games or electronics in there they would be coming out.)  In my family we're pretty understanding and we even tolerate the occasional outburst if DD is tired or hungry or sick or something, we're not ogres. But when it comes to a safety issue there is absolutely no wiggle room on the rules. All you have to do is take your mind or eyes off the road for a second and something horrible could happen. There is no reason a six-year-old need to dictate those things or to have a fit over them. Find out why she doesn't like having the windows down and the radio on, and maybe you can work with that. If she doesn't like wind on her, maybe give her a sweatshirt to wear, or only open the window on the opposite side as she is sitting. If she doesn't like your music, maybe tell her you can play her music sometimes but you will still listen to yours but will turn it down low.  Don't make it into a power issue over who controls the car, because that will probably make her want to dig in harder. I see it as a safety issue and if you let her know that you won't tolerate it and what will happen if she doesn't behave (and then follow up on it), maybe it will make an impression on her. She is old enough to understand delayed punishment, so yes, you CAN send her to her room.  If you are in the car and she starts up, pull over and let her know of your compromises remind her of what will happen. Then start driving again and totally ignore her the rest of the trip while you are driving. She will probably try to engage you by being totally obnoxious or screaming and yelling but ignore it. Then when you get home later say nothing except that it's time for a spanking and for her to go to her room, and then do it. She can take her dinner in there, and be left alone with her books and her thoughts.




1nuggetlol
by Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM

Ok she is 6 years old and is the child. I agree with your husband, you need to pull over and whip her. If someone does turn in ur plates (which that probably won't happen), they can't prove what they saw, and honestly the cops will probably dismiss it as a woman disiplining her child. As for when your out of the car, do the same thing- give her a little tap on the butt and tell her YOUR the mother and she isn't to treat you likethat. Maybe even threaten to send her to her room until daddy gets home to yell at her. (My parents did that to me all the time, and itwould scare the crap outta me. I started listening to mom really quick cuz I didn't want dad to whip/ yelll at me). Buttt she needs to learn now before the teen years hits and it gets much MUCH worse. You should also try to stay more calmer. When you start getting mad and yelling at her 9 times out of 10 she thinks its funny and she is in control....and thats really not good.

godsgirl26
by ♡Charmaine♡ on Jun. 10, 2013 at 1:26 AM
What she said.

Quoting Anonymous:

Seriously? You are the parent you shouldn't have to argue with a 6 year old. Pull over dont get out the car just reach back there and whoop her little ass. Not BEAT WHOOP. Make her realize that her behavior will not be tolerated and its a privilege to have a say about what goes on in Mommy"s car!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 10, 2013 at 3:08 AM

DD4 used to try and boss me around in the car a lot to. Window needed to be up/down, she wants a different song, its to hot/cold, ect. Dh and i started a rule that she needs to decide what she wants to listen to, whether the window needs to be up or down and all the other things before we actually leave the driveway. Usually i ask her as we are walking to the car and getting her strapped in. I have also taught her the importance of saying "excuse me" when she has a request. Its helped a lot because i totally agree it is very dangerous trying to entertain a child while also trying to concentrate on the road.

WildPowerMom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:08 PM

She's 6 and I'm not sure if I'll be spanking mine at 6, but I have a feeling I'd be spanking her.

When my daughter acts up in the car I remind her of the rule. 

If she does it again we pull over at the first safe place I can find and spank her. 
If she does it again we pull over at the first safe place I can find and spank her. 
If she does it again we pull over at the first safe place I can find and spank her. 

If she does it again we pull over at the first safe place I can find and spank her.
If she does it again we pull over at the first safe place I can find and spank her.

I've never had to pull over more than twice to convince my daughter that I'm serious and she's not the one making the rules.  I'm making the rules.


Of course you should try to find out why she's freaking out so much.  If it's making you an unsteady driver then you need to think up something fast.  It's not fair that you have distracted road rage to everyone around you because your daughter is freaking out.

anotherhalf
by on Jun. 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM
1 mom liked this

My ds acted up in the car once.  My dh pulled over, got ds out of the car, and read him the riot act - didn't lay a hand on him but let him know that his behavior would not be tolerated and his world would end if he kept it up - ds was 5 or 6.  Never happened again.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)