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I have a long story to tell and I'm wondering if there is anyone else out there in the same situation as me

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:38 AM
  • 92 Replies

hello, im new to the group

My name is Kristen and I am 26 years old, I was blessing with a baby boy on july 31st, 2012. He is now 10 months. I have a long story to tell and I am scared as to how people will react. I'm being very brave about telling my story. So here it goes.....


On Nov 2011 I met the father of my child at TGIF. I was having dinner with a couple friends and we spotted each other at first glance. i went to the bar to get a beer and saw we were drinking the same thing. We got to talking and he asked for my number. The next day he called me and we hung out ever since. Then i got pregnant in the middle of the november unexpectly and unplanned and we were not together as couple. there was a period in march that we didnt talk for 3 weeks. He flipped out once he heard I was pregnant, he wanted me to get an abortion, i said no. He got mad and flipped out and said a lot of hurtful things that i still remeber to this day, it still repeats in my head. I was very pregnant and was going through a hard rollercoaster for 5 months, everyday i heard it from him that he would resent me, telling me I would be a mother, to im stupid, im a bitch, im a terrible person, im a loser. He even said that he didnt think the baby was his(typical talk from a jerk right?). 


In june 2012 he started saying he wanted to help me buy a crib, by this and that and help and blah blah. I didnt want to wait for his ass to help me. so when i had my baby shower, i rounded up the gifts i knew i wasnt going to use gathered my gift cards and my own money that i saved before i was laid off and my bought a crib, changing table, clothes, pampers, his letter L I A M, anything that he needed i got for him all by myself! He was still in denial about the baby being his child and he wanted a DNA test and I let him have. You know he's so fucking lucky i let him in the deleviery room with his mom and my mom and him. I could of been a real bitch and said no fuck you. i'll call you when im out of the hospital. After i had liam he wanted to leave and go home and rest, and he didnt he stayed but never once got up to help me. i had just given birth naturally i was bleeding out of my mind, i was in pain and i was breastfeeding my baby. he never once got up on his own to help me, i had to scream at him at night to help me with my son. I must sound like a total idiot for even letting him in right? 

Second day while i had just put liam to sleep a tester came to do the dna test, and it was heartbreaking. i couldnt talk or fill out the paper work. she did it for me. I knew it was his because i am loyal and im not that kind of girl. He spent 300 dollars on the dna test and he got it back and of course its his. duh! He fianlly put him on his insurance. 

He started coming over to my house to visit and "help". Talk about BS, he'd come over for an hour and leave and go home and parade around like he has no responsibility. The one day i needed him when liam was 2 weeks old he wouldnt stop crying. would you all would like to know WTF he said to me? He told me he didnt feel like talking to anyone and that he was going to turn off his phone. You know facebook and it never lies, that nght around 2am he was out and about with his friends and comes over the next day like nothing HAPPENED! 

3 months come he stops coming over. 

I started going over when liam was about 5months and visiting and started staying over by 8 months, we started to work things out but he didnt want a title. 

I dont know why i like him so much, maybe because i want to try and work it out for the sake of my son. I come from a broken family, parents divorced at 16. I want to try and he doesn't really want to right. We act like a couple. anyways. 

i dont work, i care for liam since day 1! i live with my mom, step dad and my 19 year old brother. He hasnt come over since liam was 3 months. He barely gives me any money for anything, i never ask but when i need it i ask and its for liam not for myself. I am now giving him an ultimaium. you either want to try and work out and see what happens or i need to move the fuck on. 


Several problems

he now lives with parents, he is using this excuses for not being boyfriend/gf because he lives with his parents

he doesnt know what he wants

he doesnt want a title but likes the way we are

were together but not together

he wants everything easy

he doesnt pay child support

he barely gives me money

he rather go see his friends than come over and see his son

i have a lot of other things i would like to post but its really hard for me to express that right now

he is very misleading. i need to settle this once and final. 

i want to try and work it out for liam and if it doesnt work out i can at least tell my son that i tried and tried. 

by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kristenliam31
by New Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:43 AM

i really have no one to talk to or get advice from, or any new friends that are single and that are going through tough times. i would love to meet mommies and their babies and share thoughts, good or bad. tough or rough. 

kristenliam31
by New Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:48 AM

BUMP!

heretolisten
by Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 2:31 AM
2 moms liked this

Are you dating my son's sperm donor?  OMG this is parallel to my experience.  The abortion request, the name calling, the in and out, the waivering, the "want to help", the get back together but not wanting a title, the liking things the way they are, the not getting up to help, the saying he's not well only to be going out with friends.... 

Well, when we were in this "bizaro world" ... with "no title" because he liked how things were going, he knocked up someone else and moved on.  He's been gone for nearly 2 years (my son is almost 3).   

I can tell you I stuck it out, endured, tolerated, etc,. etc., for the sake of my son as well because, like you, I can tell him with all honesty, that I did all that I could.  You have that take-away too.  His father can't say that. 

opal10161973
by Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 2:47 AM
7 moms liked this

Sue for CS at this point.  IF and only IF he wants visitation, he can sue for that.  Don't do it for him.  He needs to support his baby. 

kristenliam31
by New Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 2:52 AM
1 mom liked this

he is talking about cs but says that i should get a job and pay for liams things myself, he says that he doesnt think its fair for him to be paying cs support because he put liam on his insurance, pay for pampers and some food. im on wic and i get free formula and food for my baby. he has it easy, hes 28 years old almost 30 come on. why the fuck am i going through this. 

yes i want to try  and work it out or no

i don't know im hanging on hoping he will come around

kerryket
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:52 AM
4 moms liked this
Who cares what he thinks is right, go get the child support, this is a boy you are working with here and that boy needs a wake up call!

Quoting kristenliam31:

he is talking about cs but says that i should get a job and pay for liams things myself, he says that he doesnt think its fair for him to be paying cs support because he put liam on his insurance, pay for pampers and some food. im on wic and i get free formula and food for my baby. he has it easy, hes 28 years old almost 30 come on. why the fuck am i going through this. 

yes i want to try  and work it out or no

i don't know im hanging on hoping he will come around

catrig
by Silver Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 8:28 AM
2 moms liked this

Put him on child support.

Quit looking at him with googly eyes.

psych_mom
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this
Go for child support and move on. At 28 he should be past playing games.
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mmays87
by New Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I was with my sons father for only 3 weeks after I had my little boy. We had been together for a year before I got pregnant. I kept telling him (while I was pregnant) that he needed to straighten up and he kept telling me that he would when ds was born. He didn't and so I left. We went through court and finally got him to sign all of my ds rights over to me and that has been the BEST decision I have ever made. No reason to keep someone toxic in your life just because you want him to be there, if he isn't right now most likely he never will be. It would be less stressful for you and your ds without that crap in your life. Just pull your head up and live for you and the baby. I promise once the "sting" goes away you will be more happy and STRESSFREE. *hugs*
Alexsi1
by Alexandra on Jun. 13, 2013 at 11:31 AM
Go for child support and move on with your life. You deserve better.
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