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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Be a parent and step up!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies
My best friend...love her dearly has 2 kids that as she claims are "gifted". They don't sleep at night. She can't do anything without yelling at them to "stop" they never sit still etc. they are 5 and 3 almost 4. Aside from their minor health issues where they're not completely toilet trained having to use bathroom constantly, the have no friends at preschool and are socially inept. I tell her she needs to have a Nuero eval the kids are ADHD and she says she can't handle it if her kids are "special Ed" wth?? As a friend what do I do to get her to step up as a parent??
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 15, 2013 at 7:37 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 15, 2013 at 9:41 AM
1 mom liked this
So, she is more concerned about her social standing than she is about her children, what can you do? Explain that the longer she waits the harder it will be for her kids, if there are issues early intervention will help her children to meet their full potential and be more successful socially and academically in school and in life.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:04 AM
You have said your peace on the subject and just leave it alone. She will eventually see the problem and do something until she has had enough. If she doesn’t do anything then other people will start pointing out the problem. Kids are coming up to school age and they can't be pooping in their pants like they do at home.

Just stay out of it if it doesn’t affect your life directly.
tammy_lynne
by Member on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:24 AM

 I can't stand mom's like this. My sister is the same way. My father and step mother wouldn't allow my brother to get the extra help he needed, and he ended up dropping out.. He has a really hard time reading and spelling.

 If they need the extra help, get it for them. Without the help at a young age, they are being set up for failure later on.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:28 AM
Does she get offended if you correct her children? Maybe model how to discipline effectively for her?
That's too young for most doctors to diagnose adhd. The not sleeping could be the cause of their behavior. There's not really much you can do though :(
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 15, 2013 at 10:34 AM
2 moms liked this

She is your best friend, right?  Get her alone and tell her like it is!  THAT is what best friends do! My best friend (of 25 years) and I both have done that for each other when we knew it was what was best for our children.  It didnt feel so great being "called out", but when you are best friends, you know its coming from their heart.  AND if she gets peed, etc, at least you know you stood up for her children.  I love my best friend, but she knows when it comes to OUR kids, I speak my mind and so will she.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 15, 2013 at 11:14 AM
She's definitely got alot on her plate but doesn't take constructive Critism well. She can give it but not take it when it comes to her kids. I know getting her alone is going to be a daunting task but will def try it out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 15, 2013 at 11:19 AM
She's ok if her children are corrected for the most part. But then it's "they don't do that at home", and I want to say who are you kidding I can't talk to you more than 5 minutes without you yelling at them to stop bc they did something. And as for ADHD, kids can show "signs" as early as 2 however but they can be diagnosed as early as school age via a slew of tests...her kids are school age and have the ability to be tested. There are monitors that they connect to children similar to EKGs that accurately test for ADD and ADHD.


Quoting Anonymous:

Does she get offended if you correct her children? Maybe model how to discipline effectively for her?

That's too young for most doctors to diagnose adhd. The not sleeping could be the cause of their behavior. There's not really much you can do though :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 15, 2013 at 11:30 AM

I had to look that one up because I have a niece with ADHD and had never heard of monitors to test for ADHD.  Sure enough I'm not finding anything about it.

 A doctor will use criteria for diagnosing attention deficit hyperactivity disorders to determine whether a child has ADHD. Information used to diagnose the condition includes:

The bare minimum to be diagnosed with ADHD is 4 but since you say she yells at them every 5 minutes it sounds like a parenting problem not an ADHD problem.  Where is the discipline?  Yelling at kids constantly isn't going to stop unwanted behavior and you shouldn't be trying to diagnose them like that either.

Quoting Anonymous:

She's ok if her children are corrected for the most part. But then it's "they don't do that at home", and I want to say who are you kidding I can't talk to you more than 5 minutes without you yelling at them to stop bc they did something. And as for ADHD, kids can show "signs" as early as 2 however but they can be diagnosed as early as school age via a slew of tests...her kids are school age and have the ability to be tested. There are monitors that they connect to children similar to EKGs that accurately test for ADD and ADHD.


Quoting Anonymous:

Does she get offended if you correct her children? Maybe model how to discipline effectively for her?

That's too young for most doctors to diagnose adhd. The not sleeping could be the cause of their behavior. There's not really much you can do though :(



psych_mom
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Okay- it sounds like they need discipline and structure in their lives, that goes a long way. There have been a lot of children put on meds for ADHD/ADD because the parents would not parent and that was what they wanted, now pediatricians are having to send children to psychologist or psychiatrist for these diagnosis and insurance companies are getting to where they will not pay for these test because it has gotten out of control.

The over diagnosis of behavioral disorders is something the mental health community actually wants to stop because kids don't need to be drugged up, they need to have order and discipline in their lives.

bzzybeemomof3
by on Jun. 15, 2013 at 12:04 PM

 My parents refused to let me be ADHD as a kid. They told the Dr and the school they dont believe in it and I was just pretending to be stupid. :( It freaking hurt me so bad that they would not allow me to get help at that age. When I turned 12 and the legal age to allow to get myself medical help without their consent I did. I went on my meds for it and sought out help for the anxiety and depression I had developed by the that age and time.

I still struggled and eventually dropped out of school. Now my parents aknowledge and admitt their mistakes. But I really hate when parents do this, its so unfair, no wants a Special needs kid when you have kids, but what would happen if all kids with SN were ignored and uncared for?

Breaks my heart. I honestly would call CPS, it is considered a form of child neglect where I live. My 11 yr old has 2 half sisters (from her dad) who were removed from their care at 4 and 5 they were in diapers and both delayed, the oldest had a learning disibilty and they wouldnt address it and they just didnt bother teaching the younger one cause of the sisters condition, they are now 8 and 7 and still in foster care.

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