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MIL is trying to break up my marriage!! please help

Posted by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:57 PM
  • 62 Replies

Okay! I really need advice. So much is going on right now and my MIL is the cause of it!

Recently I had posted that my MIL wanted to take 2 out of our 5 kids for a visit that changed to a sleepover that changed to a 2 night sleep over. While I was fine with the idea of a visit and even a one night sleep over for my older daughter i was uncomfortable with our younger daughter having a sleep over. With out re telling the entire post.... She backed out of taking them at all because she was upset with something we said.

Our children know who my MIL is and have seen her before and had visits in the past. (Over 8 months ago when my older daughter, she was six at the time, had a one night sleep over) since then the kids have only seen her one time for about a 20 minute visit when she came to our house approx 6 months ago.

MIL and I had a falling out and she took it out on the whole family and even refused to talk to my husband. since then my husband has only spoken to her less than a handful of times and we have not seen her at all. Like i said  she was supposed to take the two girls last weekend and backed out of it at the last second. (which we found out by a phone call from FIL!!)

So here is my new issue(s).....

Last night my husband got a call from MIL and she asked if she could take the two girls on the 4th of JULY for the 2 night sleep over. Before my husband could even answer she continued with... "YOU HAVE TO BRING THEM UP TO MY HOUSE AND DROP THEM OFF BECAUSE IM PISSED OFF AND WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK. AND DONT BRING YOUR WIFE."

My husband said fine and hung up. Then after some thinking and him relaying the onesided "demand" she made with me, he decided he would call back to ask what was going on because he didnt want to wait a week and wonder what he could have possibly done to "piss" her off.

He took the phone into the other room while the kids and I sat down for dinner.

About 20 minutes later he came back upstairs visibly upset and after we dismissed the kids from the table he relayed the conversation.

He told her he didnt want to bring the kids up and instantly get in an arguement with her and that he wanted to know what was going on right now.

She said she was "pissed" that our (my husband and I) relationship is all one sided and that i take advantage of him and that I am lazy and do nothing all day and I dont take care of our kids and that I make us live like pigs and make all the decisions in the family and he doesnt get a say and he needs to put his foot down. along with a thousand other complaints that she has towards me.

My husband kept telling her that it really is none of her business what happens in our house or family and she actually had no idea what happens in our family and that she wouldnt know because she has never asked or cared. He said everything she just said was ridiculous and a lie (which it is) and he doesnt want her to stick her nose in where it doesnt belong. (I am proud of him for doing this because he has never stood up to this woman)

she starts flipping out and saying that now she will never see our children again and that I will keep them away from her!

He says she is being ridiculous because neither of us would ever do that. and his exact words to her were "Mom even if I hated you for the rest of my life we still wouldnt keep the kids from you. Our relationship isnt going to effect you and the kids relationship unless you make it that way."

at this she goes back to saying that I am lazy and not good for him or our kids.

He had had enough and interrrupted her saying he would drop the girls off on the fourth, and hung up the phone.

We sat for a while discussing this and he is really upset. I told him she is just trying to cause problems between us (just like she always has) and that nothing she ever says is going to change our marriage.

Now I dont know what to do..... this womans lies are really hurtful to me and I tried not to complain to my husband to much about how they effected me because he is already feeling bad over it.

In all honesty i hate the idea of sending any of my children up to spend time with this rude and vicious woman. And i dont want to cause any more heartache for my husband.... but what do I do? As bad as I feel for him I am also worried about my children while up their and dont think that they will be treated right at her house because she is the type of woman to put her anger on other people and I dont want it directed at my sweet babies!!

And besides all this I already had my concerns with them going up there because it has been so long since they have even seen her and the younger of the two barely knows this woman!!!

UHG!! I just dont know what to do!! please any helpful advice would be great.

And to clarify I am a wonderful mom and love my husband and children more than anything! I have a part time job that I work my butt off at. My children are always taken care of, BY ME and no one else! I even take them to work with me. No sitter needed. I feed them and clothe them and bathe them and care for them!! My house is NOT the cleanest house ever. there is a LITTLE clutter and toys may be in the corners of every room but it is NOT FILTHY or DIRTY! And out of the two of us my husband is the big decision maker. And most everything we do is agreed between the both of us together.

 

 

 

 

by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sweetmomoffive
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 4:58 PM

I am so sorry this post was so long!!

I am just so confused and overwhelmed with MIL

KRISTAL_WILDER
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:02 PM

I would worry about them going. Maybe MIL will change her mind again and not keep them.

xoch86
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:07 PM
7 moms liked this

Yup.. I would have said no. Plain and simple. If she cannot respect me, she sure as hell won't be taking my children evernight... a visit, MAYBE. and it would be either all or nothing. i dont like that whole, ill take my pick of which kids i'll visit with.. nope. ESPECIALLY if they have not had much contact with her.. No way.

u and ur husband need to get on the same page here, his mom is Manipulating him and HE needs to put a stop to it. I'll be damned if someone told me, I HAD to take, and pick up MY kids on such and such days and times. Holidays are for family anyway.. So that makes it that much worse.

Melissa_4
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:10 PM
3 moms liked this

We have four children, and there's no way we'd let the girls go for a 2 night sleep over if the boys weren't going to be getting two nights with grandma as well.  With the state of things with your MIL right now, I would not be letting the girls go for a sleepover at all.  The MIL is crazy, angry, and your youngest doesn't know the woman.  She needs to spend a few hours per visit, several visits, before committing her to a two-night sleepover.  That's a long time for a little one to be away from Mom and Dad...even at 4 or 5 years old.

Sweetmomoffive
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:10 PM

 

I appreciate your response. You make it sound so simple, but it really isnt. My husband is really hurt by the things his mom has said and done, but she is still his mother. You know?

Quoting xoch86:

Yup.. I would have said no. Plain and simple. If she cannot respect me, she sure as hell won't be taking my children evernight... a visit, MAYBE. and it would be either all or nothing. i dont like that whole, ill take my pick of which kids i'll visit with.. nope. ESPECIALLY if they have not had much contact with her.. No way.

u and ur husband need to get on the same page here, his mom is Manipulating him and HE needs to put a stop to it. I'll be damned if someone told me, I HAD to take, and pick up MY kids on such and such days and times. Holidays are for family anyway.. So that makes it that much worse.


 

Sweetmomoffive
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 You are right and I hate that she singles out the two oldest girls, and not even slightly interested in our boys who are the oldest and our youngest daughter.

It really kills me, but my husband just says "At least she even wants to take any of them"

I just dont know how to get him to understand. We have always been open and honest and able to find mutual agreements or understandings in nearly everything else..... But for some reason This woman always gets her way!!!! And he always gives in to whatever she says or does.And sometimes I think he knows that she is in the wrong but its like he cant say no. I dont know if he is just afraid to hurt her feelings or if he just doesnt want to get "bitched" out by his dad if he has a tiny disagreement with his mom.

And yes she really is crazy!! She is supposed to be on medication but refuses to take it.


Quoting Melissa_4:

We have four children, and there's no way we'd let the girls go for a 2 night sleep over if the boys weren't going to be getting two nights with grandma as well.  With the state of things with your MIL right now, I would not be letting the girls go for a sleepover at all.  The MIL is crazy, angry, and your youngest doesn't know the woman.  She needs to spend a few hours per visit, several visits, before committing her to a two-night sleepover.  That's a long time for a little one to be away from Mom and Dad...even at 4 or 5 years old.


 

Sweetmomoffive
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 

I can only hope!!!

Quoting KRISTAL_WILDER:

I would worry about them going. Maybe MIL will change her mind again and not keep them.


 

cmabbott
by Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:20 PM

This, exactly.  My MIL did that shit when we actually spoke to DH's family.  DH finally said enough was enough.

Quoting xoch86:

Yup.. I would have said no. Plain and simple. If she cannot respect me, she sure as hell won't be taking my children evernight... a visit, MAYBE. and it would be either all or nothing. i dont like that whole, ill take my pick of which kids i'll visit with.. nope. ESPECIALLY if they have not had much contact with her.. No way.

u and ur husband need to get on the same page here, his mom is Manipulating him and HE needs to put a stop to it. I'll be damned if someone told me, I HAD to take, and pick up MY kids on such and such days and times. Holidays are for family anyway.. So that makes it that much worse.


luckyme7
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:28 PM

You should be concerned about sending your children to her. Now your marriage may be strong enough for her not to break.  But kids are at a moldeable age - if she talks bad of you to them it is not a good idea.  To explain you have to say grandma lies and you dont want to talk ill of their grandma to them either.

touch situation.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I would talk to your dh again. I would think she would probably be bad mouthing you in front of your children.
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